toomanyquestions123 Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 I matched with a guy on Bumble one week ago, he works in my country but he is from another nearby country. While we were chatting before meeting, the conversation hadn't stopped for 5 days. He didn't ask me the interview questions, he was very smart and kept the convo going. When we met 2 days ago, we both instantly felt a connection. The guy is so cute and so NORMAL. There are noo red-flags and my instinct is saying this guy is such a good guy. After our first date, he immediately texted me and asked for my number. The next day, i went for shopping in a mall so he asked if he can join me. He came and we had an early dinner and then sipped coffee. He is very polite, very sincere, very moral, he didn't hint anything about hooking up or anything sexual. That's why I am panicking, I am trying to find what is wrong with him, but the guy seems sane so far... IDK I'm very scared lol.
frus69 Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 You don't know if hes normal yet..in fact he may not be normal because he asked to see you again right the next day. he may talk to you everyday and ask to see you multiple times a week, and on date 5 you guys will have sex and he will soon disappear after that. Or he may be normal. I think you are thinking too much too early. You are already investing. Dont.
Logo Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 They could have sex on date 7 or 8 and he could still disappear. They could also not have sex on date 4 and he’ll feel that she’s leading him on or using sex as an incentive and decide to disappear. Compatibility is the cornerstone of relationships and people usually like to know early on if they are also, among other things, sexually compatible with the person they’re dating. The logic that holding out on sex is going to weed out the long-term men from the one night stands isn’t foolproof. When a woman is attracted to a man, has feelings for him and is into him, she’s going to want to have sex as much as he does. So why play games? Why treat sex as a hook or a leash? Anyone that does that is going to miss out on a lot of potentially good and happy relationships.
Logo Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 You don't know if hes normal yet..in fact he may not be normal because he asked to see you again right the next day. That’s right. Treat everyone you meet online as defective and proceed with tortoise-speed caution. That’ll land you a relationship. Why not throw made-up rules out and trust your gut while listening intently to what he says and watching his actions? Asking to see her the next day is abnormal because? He’s definitely clingy? He’s definitely needy? We know that because he’s not playing the waiting game? Is that it? OP, be yourself and let him be himself. If things aren’t to your liking, it’s not a binding contract. Whatever you do, don’t follow random rules. Do what makes you feel comfortable and what feels good.
Logo Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 he may talk to you everyday and ask to see you multiple times a week, and on date 5 you guys will have sex and he will soon disappear after that. In another thread you wrote that you have a second date coming up and that you’re going to have to decide whether to invite the guy you’re dating to your place. Maybe im confused, but the OP should wait until after date 5, but you’re considering sex on date 2 even though you’re interested in a relationship?
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted May 3, 2019 Author Posted May 3, 2019 Actually, I don't sleep with a guy if i am not officially in a relationship with them ( new rule ) lol. I don't do full encounter anyway, i do wait for it to happen very organically. But he doesn't seem like he is a playboy or all he is thinking about is sex, i can feel from his vibes that he is well-mannered guy. Sex for me is when two adults really want it to happen when it's the right time to. I am really not thinking about this right at this moment, i feel like i want to know him more. We are seeing each other again this weekend before him travelling for two weeks and me having a surgery and i have to stay home for another two weeks. So i will not see him for the whole month of May basically.
elaine567 Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 If I remember correctly the OP is a virgin and a "no sex before marriage" kind of a girl, so there will be no sex on date 5 or on any other date.
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted May 3, 2019 Author Posted May 3, 2019 If I remember correctly the OP is a virgin and a "no sex before marriage" kind of a girl, so there will be no sex on date 5 or on any other date. foreplaying yeah. Sex sex well, no...
frus69 Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 In another thread you wrote that you have a second date coming up and that you’re going to have to decide whether to invite the guy you’re dating to your place. Maybe im confused, but the OP should wait until after date 5, but you’re considering sex on date 2 even though you’re interested in a relationship? Im not saying she should wait till date 5, I'm not saying she should do anything. Im also not saying he is not normal. Is English your first language?? Im saying he can or can not be normal and OP doesn't know it yet. Better not assume he is and get too invested too early 2
Logo Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 (edited) Fix your grammar and work on making your comments more concise before you get defensive over nothing. Edited May 3, 2019 by Logo
chillii Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 Actually nah couldn't agree . l think a women dating will weed out most guys by being sensible about not sleeping with someone too early. But l can't believe people out there put a damn date number on it these days, l mean who effg knows , you do when and if you do. Hard to say though op, he sounds genuine but only time will tell. Most guys l know would rather wait, some months, l'm like that myself too it just fogs everything up for me way too much too soon lf l was to start sleeping with her before l knew what we are. Anyway , keep seeing him and see how it goes is all you can do. Good luck.
Logo Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 foreplaying yeah. Sex sex well, no... Inquiring minds want to know, what does foreplay entail in this case? No need for specifics, but how far does it usually go before stopping short of earning the definition of “sex”? Is the no-sex-before-marriage a religious principle?
MaleIntuition Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 What?! No flowers to your office yet... definitely a red flag! But seriously though, your culture sounds somewhat more traditional than EU/USA (?) and it seems that the expectation is for men to pursue more. That makes it hard to give qualified advice since dating is so much based around unwritten cultural “rules” and expectations. However: The general “mistake” women seem to do is to focus too much on trying to figure out what their dating partners intentions are instead of just having fun and figuring out whether or not the guy is a good match for them. Normal sounds like a good start..?
alphamale Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 so in a three hour real life meeting you have determined that this guy is polite, sincere and moral?? you should have your head examined
Veronica73 Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 Why are you so invested already? You barely know him.
alphamale Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 Why are you so invested already? You barely know him. that's what I said V73
Veronica73 Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 that's what I said V73 Sort of, except I’m asking her why, instead of telling her she needs her head examined. 1
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted May 3, 2019 Author Posted May 3, 2019 1. Foreplay is almost sex but without the intercourse ( not religious but rather cultural reasons ). 2. I am not investing haha but I am just sharing with you that i may have met a guy who doesn't send me flowers to my office, doesn't dwell on his past relationships and have trust issues, has his **** together, doesn't try to sext when it's too early, fastforwads or promises anything, seems that he likes me moderately and genuinely and wants to impress me. 3. I know it's early but I am just comparing this new guy to the other guy i posted about who sent flowers and who told me i adore you because " he felt it". I stopped responding to this guy when i went on a date with this new guy not because i'm invested but because i remembered that the first guy is not NORMAL and i should not pursue anything with him.
OnlyHonesty Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 Why are you so invested already? You barely know him. Often it's much easier to distract ourselves from a void, rather than face the one that's been inside growing larger every year. To look at ourselves, to meditate on our faults, and to be alone with ourselves.....this can be challenging. It's easier to distract ourselves with the rush of new feelings, anticipation and whirlwind romances that won't last due to the void that we avoid.
Veronica73 Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 I don’t understand describing yourself as “panicked” or “scared” after one date unless you were invested. Maybe you meant it as hyperbole and I missed it.
Author toomanyquestions123 Posted May 7, 2019 Author Posted May 7, 2019 Never mind it seems like he is ghosting. I really thought he is cute and a good guy though
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