Azuma Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 (edited) *Long Story FYI* Situation: I am a 22 yo Male, inexperienced and known to be a shy. I had a crush on a co-worker after becoming friends, thinking I knew her character well enough but that was only at work since she was sweet and friendly. I thought I got along with her. It did not help, I let my cousin and my mother get to my head to pursue her. That I did. I found out she does not drive on her days off, someone else drives apparently or she gets help.We chatted late at night, she always called me to talk about anything asking personal questions such as my sexual experience, my personal opinions. Big mistake, I went shopping with her. I did ignore her for a bit by reading on my phone since we were sitting separate seats. She asked me about children, I said that women's egg count decrease as she gets older. She can have children, but it may put the child of developing down syndrome. So it would be ideal to have it earlier in order to increase chances of it being healthy. I realized a big mistake that was since I was trying to be factual but it would be interpreted as an opinion. I froze wanting to add but the mother can decide whenever she feels like having children, it is her choice. It got worse, when I confessed I liked her, I confronted if she meant a friend only or not as potential. I asked her to make that decision so that I would not pursue in case it ruins her friendship. She stated, she did not and left the choice to me. We chatted again late at night, I spoke of my sexual experiences when she asked me that I had 3, I did inform her that I wanted something long term. I always kept chatting and talking to her. She'd call me and we'd talk until she'd fall asleep. Sometimes she would ask for photos of my family, my bedroom. My cousin and his partner arranged a double date to help me out since I could not read her. That was a big mistake, she became friends with them and still have conversations with my cousin's partner to this day. The double date was terrible, I choked. I allowed my anxiety to affect my driving and I went outside for abit since I could not handle the atmosphere of her and my cousins and his partner. As it ended, I paid and I took her home. I had a chat with her. I spoke my mind and it was bad. I thought she was just using me, to waste time I guess and for her amusement as she I concluded that she would only call me when she was tired and once mentioned when she was sleep to out her to sleep since I was boring. I did not inform her of that part except the food and wanting to hang out. She was not happy. Of course, I felt guilty as I did not know if she was truly like that. So I did dumb thing. I got flowers and chocolates. My cousins encouraged me to do this but I wanted to take it to the date before but decided not to since it might of been awkward. Called her, begged her to let me but she said was busy at someone else house cooking. She was not. I waited, practicing in my mind in the car what I would say to apologize to her. I got through to her finally to her as she let me in. I said what I wanted that I was sorry to accuse her of such thing and that I would not this again. She did not like it, I did not tell anyone. I remember seeing a face of disgust as her roommate laughed. Time went by I gained her trust somehow, she allowed me to visit and sleep in her bed. No sex, did not intend to do such a thing , We just snuggled, hugged in bed and watched movies together before falling asleep a few times. And my mind started to get worried as she started hushing when we woke together in the morning when a guy called her. They were her friends apparently. I do remember her talking about a guy who liked her an brought her an apple watch. I took her out again to a shop, she got a gift for a friend. I recall her being disappointed since I forgot where I parked in the parking lot. I got anxious during the trip she made remarks on my driving skills and I could tell she was bored when we hung out. But she got some cleaning products for her house. As she waited for me in the car as I asked if she wanted anything she didn't as she was not happy. I regret taking her out. I forgot to mention I was sleep deprived and I was hoping, this trip would give an opportunity to know her more. I can understand if these things came off to impress her but I did genuinely just want to get to know her and go on a date. That was it. I won't lie I had dreams of her but I had no intention of her forcing her to go out with me. Which was sad since she rang one time asking I had given her number to someone. Someone got her number, told her she was bitch which he told his friend and invited her to a place. As we talked again late at night. I think she was working we got into an argument again and I got blocked. A few things pissed her off, I think one of them was me joking about her not calling her during work. She also called me when she had other staff members which I did not like. As well when I got upset since I told her that I wanted to spend time with cousin and I would call her back. She did not like that. I noticed she started wearing eyelashes, honestly liked her better without makeup but she wore it to work. Asking my opinion, I realized she was not wearing it for me as she commented on a guy who was a delivery guy, commented he was not shy and he was cute. I was tired but also jealous. She noticed, I settled down afterwards. Letting it go and I admit it to her despite being in denial the first time. It got worse as she informed of exes she dated, that she dated many guys and the type of guys. So I decided to use tinder, I knew I was not going to get any matches since I found out I was not attractive, I thought I could talk to other girls in the hopes to forget this one and just be friends with other females since I knew the reality of being on tinder. She caught me being suspicious but I did inform her I had to go home. The girl also liked the Mercedes Benz and a guy she liked, who friend zoned drove her in it on a date. I ignored it, thinking I was overthinking things and she wanted to vent. Deep I knew I was wrong. So I started She started to mentioned clues of her preference in guys, and joked whilst watching tv about a cartoon character being friendzoned with a giggle and a smile. I ignored. It got worse, I brought her a gift for she seemed happy but later found out she didn't like it and that the flowers I gave 2 weeks later died. She mentioned about exes again, particularly one that was abusive and I think was given a restraining order , one who cheated on her and she got back together but stated the love was not strong. I started to She blocked me again after we had a fight over me not being happy she couldn't hang out for the day. But I did ask, to let me know beforehand. She stated that every day on this particular day she had visitors. I wanted to go to the movies with her. It would not surprised me if she saw this as a date but I did want to get to know her more. She also requested I give her a picture of quote I had in my room. I didn't think she would block me. But when she did, I caved in and begged her, texted to reconsider. She did not reply. I sent her the pic of the quote. I I asked her for space for awhile. She was trying to make me jealous, she was asked a friend she wanted to hang out and go to the beach. Which is ironic since this girl also said this friend was hypocrite and I asked why she bothered to hang out with her prior to being blocked. I also noticed she talked about other co-workers. I do not know if they knew she was talking behind their backs. I went to the gym, started to become a little bit fitter. Confident in myself and energetic like never before. I realized I had forgotten my dream of going back to study and study to be an Anesthetist . I asked a girl out in the first time of my life at a bar, became friends. The other girl noticed, wanted me help her join the gym. She invited me to her xmas party , I had a good time, I danced and let myself as people thought I was drunk as I was out of character. She asked me to get a soda which I did, I realised my co-workers were close to her and she asked what I thought of her drinking when she asked me this. I do remember her drinking, when she is sad. A few days she spoke of her exes, the memories she had. I did not like, it was too negative for me and it got to me. After awhile We became friends at last, she said she wanted to know me better. I knew what this meant, I tried being a friend. I did her favors like getting food like Mc Donalds, hanging out. She tried to get to sleep with her (no sex again in case you think of that again) . Embarrassingly I had an erection, I do believe she felt it by accident. I was ashamed but I was hurt. I came to the conclusion she lead me on. I got up and slept on the floor for awhile until it got cold and slept on the bed in the morning. I was done. Around that time, I got a new job. I was hoping to leave for good. But I needed the money as I planned to move out of my parents house and I was starting school, not to study Anesthesia but be a Nurse in Anesthesia. It would take only a year and I wanted a taste what it was like in that field before I go back and study to be an Anesthesia since I had a physician and radiologist as a back in case I did not like it and I not want waste studying if I did not enjoy to avoid the cost of wasted money spent on it. I digress, I came to the conclusion as I found out she was interested in someone else now. I get it fair enough, but I suspected it beforehand when she wanted to be friends. This got to me as I started to say to not say anything but keep my mouth shut in fear of gossiping and this lead me to perform worse. Whilst I was not very good with time management. I did attend to the care and complete the work efficiently to reduce errors and mistakes. I was considered slow for not taking short cuts in the facility when attending to the clients. She lied about a trip to another area in the country for family but I overheard her talking about meeting a guy and the gossip of the co-workers as they chatted. I was not happy, I will admit that. I still had feelings but what made it worse when joked about me being not to be jealous. As my co-workers laughed, I knew deep down that was not a joke but she serious and that everyone knew about me being jealous. That she informed them as she did state she was open about everything and she was not a good person ( I know.....very late to add that in). It would not surprise me if they overheard me and her talking as she was at work, it was during her shift. She knew I was disgusted but I was hurt since I knew that the workplace knew of me. I honestly felt trapped and paranoid who to trust because of this. She tried to make it up by inviting to the beach... to avoid the details as I was excited and like an idiot was willing to forgive her. She ignored as she wanted to know my true feeling and I was brutally honest. She apologised, funny that was the first I received an apology. I did not go since she informed me it was a last minute thing, her phone died and that I could come. But I was not given details of the location of the beach we'd meet up. I did let it slide. I know this is a late detail but prior to the second time of being blocked, she had a youtube channel. Wanted me to subscribed, like and comment as well as prepare a Q&A. I did not do it. but I subscribed. She recorded herself at the beach. I won't lie I was upset and I did message her that I was not happy. As this got to me, I tried to be a friendship so I asked to hang out with me to pick clothes so I dress more decently. That fell through as she wanted a friend and her to do some shopping instead but I would be the chaffeur. I won't lie I did to test her, I knew she would change it. I had enough. I did not want to talk to her. I got worse at work, a client complaint of me. My self-esteem was shattered. I did not want to do shortcuts as I feared I would become like co-workers and be misinterpreted by a client. At the same time, I was leaving. I honestly counted the days I had left. At the last day, I didn't say may much to her and was tired since I did not have my break. I also left a room after a terrible where she a private chat with 2 co-workers of mine. I had feeling of what was going on. I honestly celebrated with my friend that I left work and followed the advice of an overseas to remove any contact with the girl. I also did the same for my co-workers that I had as references for the new job. I brought chocolates as gratitude for co-workers who I trusted. The girl sent money to me for refusing to go to the movies. I sent it back, I wanted to do with her. I got a new number. I did not have social media but I refrained to look or subscribe to her channel. I had a feeling since she was close with the co-workers whom I trust would eventually take her side should she talk behind my back as I never show up again. I started school a few weeks before but I got distracted and started to forget. Lesson I learn about myself: I should not do the things I did that made me come off as desperate or creepy such as the overly texting, being emotional and apologizing to her desperately out of guilt when she refused it and take it easy if she felt she was being pressured which I did not intend but if I fell for her flirting, as well not take her seriously etc . I did not have any bad intentions other than wanting to get to know and if it were to occur. go on a date.I did apologize to her about these actions of mine I did iYes, I had dreams but I did want something long term. I wish this girl the best in her endeavors and relationships. I just wished she said no and preferred to be friends and let me go. I can handle rejection, it happened to me a few times that I have no issue but leading me on for 6 months is just too much. I know I do not have much since I am studying and have a part time job. Picking myself again was hard, I vented so much to my friends that starting to become toxic and had to apologize to them. I need to grow a spine as I let this happen and will overcome but this a work in progress. I also need to judge character and surround myself with better people or watch out if I am inviting people with certain bad personality into my life or if I am emulating these behaviors as she did to intervene with solutions to deal with them. I get that I didn't use my head, seeing that her actions spoke louder than her words but forgave and didn't not look at the red flags and that the fact she never truly cared to invest in getting to know me by inviting to hang out and do something outside her house. I am focusing on myself, back to the gym. Improving my diet slowly and focusing on techniques to reduce stress, anxiety any depressive moods. Thanks for reading this far ! I recently started to feel the intensity of my the mistakes, the guilt and pain going through it . Is there any advice you can give from your experience, males or females honestly do not care, that I missed when mention about me working on myself but also things I missed of any self destructive behaviors mentioned in the story and interventions to deal with these behaviors. Appreciate it. Although this be a tough time for me, I am desperate for solutions it has been a struggle to overcome but I am glad that from this and your advice, I will be a better person and learn from this. Edited May 3, 2019 by Azuma 1
preraph Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 Sorry this was a long unproductive relationship. My best advice is: You're inexperienced, so what are you doing on Tinder? That's mainly for people to just hook up. You're not that guy. You are a slow mover. So get off Tinder. Maybe get on Bumble or others may have a suggestion. Next is if a relationship is working, it isn't a struggle and confusing and one-sided. Other piece of advice: Don't give women you haven't been seriously and frequently dating for, say, four months, gifts. You can't buy them. A good woman isn't going to let that sway whether they want you for a bf or not. So don't give it until you know you are the boyfriend and exclusive. Don't ever put more effort and giving in than the other person is. Relationships need balance. If it's one-sided, nothing will change that anyway. It just actually makes it more one-sided to try harder and give more. Bad to date coworkers. Always causes gossip and a mess. Good luck. 1
Foxhall Posted May 4, 2019 Posted May 4, 2019 Sorry , I lost your post half way through tbh, it was too long, as a general observation, perhaps you are being too hard on yourself and overthinking things, go out go and date plenty of girls until you find someone you really gel with and are comfortable, you are going to make mistakes along the way, I would stop this intense analysis afterwards and going over what you did wrong, get out there enjoy it, relax and take a more laid back attitude to life. 1
Author Azuma Posted May 12, 2019 Author Posted May 12, 2019 Sorry this was a long unproductive relationship. My best advice is: You're inexperienced, so what are you doing on Tinder? That's mainly for people to just hook up. You're not that guy. You are a slow mover. So get off Tinder. Maybe get on Bumble or others may have a suggestion. Next is if a relationship is working, it isn't a struggle and confusing and one-sided. Other piece of advice: Don't give women you haven't been seriously and frequently dating for, say, four months, gifts. You can't buy them. A good woman isn't going to let that sway whether they want you for a bf or not. So don't give it until you know you are the boyfriend and exclusive. Don't ever put more effort and giving in than the other person is. Relationships need balance. If it's one-sided, nothing will change that anyway. It just actually makes it more one-sided to try harder and give more. Bad to date coworkers. Always causes gossip and a mess. Good luck. Thanks for your time and the reasonable advice. I will consider them 1
Author Azuma Posted May 12, 2019 Author Posted May 12, 2019 Sorry , I lost your post half way through tbh, it was too long, as a general observation, perhaps you are being too hard on yourself and overthinking things, go out go and date plenty of girls until you find someone you really gel with and are comfortable, you are going to make mistakes along the way, I would stop this intense analysis afterwards and going over what you did wrong, get out there enjoy it, relax and take a more laid back attitude to life. Thanks for that, I didn't recognise the serious attitude. I will be more laidback and focus on myself and balance my lifestyle with studying,working and dating. Cheers. 1
preraph Posted May 12, 2019 Posted May 12, 2019 No discussion about women's eggs, no matter how much they beg!
Author Azuma Posted May 12, 2019 Author Posted May 12, 2019 No discussion about women's eggs, no matter how much they beg! Haha. I swear I won't discuss anything like that ever again. I will keep the conversation interesting not like this.
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