toriphile78 Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 I met this guy online back in October. We went on a great first date, he kissed me at the end, and followed up quickly for a second date. All seemed well until I told him I have herpes. You are probably wondering why would I tell him so quickly - the reason is the phone conversation we had the night after the date was very sexual in nature and I just had a feeling this was going to get physical real quick. Anyway, a few days later he cancelled the second date. I could tell he was conflicted about this decision, but I just decided to let it go. About 2.5 months later, he texted me again and we started talking briefly. He said he regretted cancelling the 2nd date and wanted to see me again. In the conversations, he mentioned he thought he came on too strong on the first date by kissing me, felt like he made me uncomfortable. I reassured him several times that was not the case and emphasized how much I liked it. We both have a strong attraction to each other, but agreed that we should take things slow and not get too physical too soon (we discussed how having sex too soon can muddy the relationship and getting to know someone first is very important). We go on the now very delayed 2nd date, have a nice time, but ended in just a hug (no kiss). Now I wasn’t too surprised by this because we did discuss taking things slow and not getting physical too soon. Then we stopped talking, again. I take some blame in this because I’m shy and insecure, and made little effort to communicate first with him. But I wasn’t getting the vibe from him he wanted to see me again. Then 2 more months go by and he pops back in to my life. This time the texts were brief and no asking me out. Again, I wasn’t making much of an effort either. Then 1 month goes by, I take a chance and text him first and ask him to meet me out for drinks. He responded enthusiastically and we ended up going out for dinner and it was like no time has passed. At the end of dinner he invited me back to his house. We sat and talked for a while, but I noticed he sat as far away from as possible on the couch. At the end the night, a hug. Now I get the feeling he is a gentleman, but I must admit, I’ve never been asked to a man’s house and him not make a move. Could it he just thinks of us as friends, or do some guys really take thing super slow?
kendahke Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 (edited) I think he's protecting his health the way he's most comfortable doing it, considering what you told him, which I applaud you for doing. It is a risk, but in the end, you gave him the information: how he chooses to proceed is totally on him. Don't take it personally. You did the right thing. But yeah, you're like "play sister" status. If you like him enough to be this and only this, then try to work something out. You never know... Edited May 3, 2019 by kendahke 1
Kelliousme Posted May 4, 2019 Posted May 4, 2019 HSV1 or HSV2? Over half the population has HSV1 and more than 10% has HSV2 (one that usually causes genital sores). I don't know how educated he is in this matter, but he can be infected too for all we know. It does sound like he's reluctant to kiss you now because you got the herps. You should ask if it's a deal breaker for him. Better to know sooner than later.
Gaeta Posted May 4, 2019 Posted May 4, 2019 He is confused between his desire to be intimate with you and his fear of your condition. His behavior indicates his fear is far greater than his attraction. Forget about him and move on. I carry hsv-2 and I dated plenty. I didn't waste time with those filled with fear toward my condition. I came across plenty of men that were willing to date me, be intimate with me and pursue a relationship. I just knew how to move on quickly from those having doubts.
Gaeta Posted May 4, 2019 Posted May 4, 2019 HSV1 or HSV2? Over half the population has HSV1 and more than 10% has HSV2 it's 25% of people that carries hsv-2. One woman out of 4.
stillafool Posted May 4, 2019 Posted May 4, 2019 Yeah this happened to me once. I was dating this drop dead gorgeous guy and he told me he had herpes. I wanted him so bad but I just couldn't bring myself to do it because I kept thinking about the next love I may miss out on because I now may have it.
Lotsgoingon Posted May 5, 2019 Posted May 5, 2019 Mixed signals = low interest. You want someone who can generate enthusiasm and call you and follow up ... and sit near you ... This guys isn't interested. Move on.
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