Lynsey_scott122 Posted May 2, 2019 Posted May 2, 2019 I need some advice on what to do next. I met a men at work just over a year ago and we exchanged numbers. We started talking and messaging each other and he accept my offer of taking her out on a date. We talked about dates but before we could do anything we both moved jobs, me staying in London and he moved out of London. We continued to talk nearly every night and message every day. During our late night chats he told me he had been in a couple bad relationships which had left him hurt and he left London as it had bad memories and wowed never to come back. He continued to open up and I have provided as much support as I could. He has started to heal and feels ready to date again. We arranged to meet up a couple of times which he cancelled at the last minute. I have now stopped asking to meet as I feel guilty and offered to just stay friends. But he has said that he is interested in me and to give him time. This sounds stupid but he has travelled into London to see friends which has made me ask myself the question why doesn't he want to see me. I am not sure what to do. He is talking about doing stuff during the summer months, but I don't think he is ready. I don't want to hurt him as he is very special and do love talking to him. Do I tell him I rather be friends or continue being patient as I do still like him? Thank you.
d0nnivain Posted May 2, 2019 Posted May 2, 2019 Neither. He's not your friend. He is using you to boost his ego. If he truly wanted to date you he would not have cancelled all those time or would have arranged a new date. If he wanted to date you he would make arrangements to see you when he's in London. Sorry but he's playing you. Do not tolerate it. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted May 2, 2019 Posted May 2, 2019 (edited) If you show a man your willing to wait he will let you do just that....wait. You will wait and waste your previous time while he spend it doing things he wants to do which is not be with you, hang out with his friends, make time for his hobbies, and possibly go after a girl he really wants smh. And when he is bored or experiencing a bit of a dry spell and wants some attention theeeeeen his not ready behind will be ready to contact you. No ma’am! 1. Don’t ever wait on a man. Make time for guys who want to date you and be with you. When he first said he wasn’t ready or wasn’t sure you should have ignored him. Any guy that pulls that bull crap you need to instantly ignore. And if they want to know why you are ignoring then say “I want to talk to a guy who is interested in dating. No hard feelings hun!” Then keep on ignoring. If he all the sudden wants to be ready theeeeen you can give him your attention if you even want to 2. And of course as I always say on here to you people that like to entertain guys your not exclusive with....date other men and focus on doing whatever makes you happy. Don’t ever wait. If he want you then trust me he will catch up to you as your moving. Or you will meet another guy as your moving. Guys go after what they want. Don’t believe these lame ass excuses. Edited May 2, 2019 by Curiousroxy86
stillafool Posted May 2, 2019 Posted May 2, 2019 (edited) How would you be the one to hurt him when you're the one who is trying to get together with him yet he isn't the one reciprocating? I think you should worry more about you getting hurt rather than him. He doesn't seem interested. You are correct that if he wanted to see you he would travel to do so. Edited May 3, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator
chillii Posted May 2, 2019 Posted May 2, 2019 Yep , sorry to say but it's been a year yet he goes to see friends but not you. l hate the expression , but in this case you really do "deserve" better than that.
mark clemson Posted May 2, 2019 Posted May 2, 2019 I'll take the other side of this. It's still not good though. Let's say he really does like you and wants to be with you. If he's so emotionally damaged or otherwise dysfunctional that he's unable to progress in the relationship for a year, what does that tell you? It tells you he's really not relationship material - at least not without seriously working on himself via therapy for at least another year. Is he in therapy? Are you willing to wait another year for the chance that he'll be ok and capable then? Be friends if you wish. Maybe he'll come around sooner or later. But, if I were you, in the meantime I'd give myself permission and space to move on as well. That can be really tricky both emotionally and if he becomes an orbiter and interferes with anything new you try to start. Sorry, but - even with the starting assumptions above, moving on appears to be the better option. 2
kendahke Posted May 2, 2019 Posted May 2, 2019 He's not interested in anything that you want. If he was, he'd act like it instead of making excuses, coming to your town and visiting friends he cares about but not you, who he doesn't care about. Leave him be--this is the reason why he has a string of bad relationships littering his wake. He's not injured from or needs healing from that--he's the one who was dealing all the damage. You've dodged a bullet. Find some other bloke in London. 1
Gretchen12 Posted May 2, 2019 Posted May 2, 2019 Even if he dates you, it'd just be rebound. He is broken hearted and he needed a shoulder to cry on. He had to move away from London to forget her. He'll have to stop seeing you to really move on, because you're part of his getting over his ex episode.
BC1980 Posted May 2, 2019 Posted May 2, 2019 Whatever the reason, he doesn't want to date you. The reason is completely irrelevant. He's cancelled twice, yet he can go visit friends. Does that sound right?
preraph Posted May 2, 2019 Posted May 2, 2019 Just sounds like he's nowhere near ready to date. Could even be not interested enough. I somehow think if Angelina Joli was after him, he'd muster the gumption to put himself out there. Stop wasting time waiting. Focus elsewhere.
Foxhall Posted May 2, 2019 Posted May 2, 2019 Neither. He's not your friend. He is using you to boost his ego. If he truly wanted to date you he would not have cancelled all those time or would have arranged a new date. If he wanted to date you he would make arrangements to see you when he's in London. Sorry but he's playing you. Do not tolerate it. hmmn yes on balance I would agree with this, it reminds me of a conversation when out with a group of buddies one night, a situation like this came up and one lad made the point about he would always keep a woman on "standby" in case he ever needed her, this would mean humouring her staying friends without showing any serious interest, tbh, this reminds me of that, he is keeping you sweet, but is keeping you at a distance all the same, I don't think that is fair. not looking to ruin another bloke's chances but perhaps no harm to put forward a "male mindset " shall we call it!
Redhead14 Posted May 2, 2019 Posted May 2, 2019 You don't have to tell him anything. As of this moment, that's all you are -- friends. And, I wouldn't tell him you'd rather be friends when, in fact, you are hoping for more anyway. You know that old saying "be true to yourself"? Telling him one thing and wanting another is about not being true to yourself. Let this be and see what happens.
chillii Posted May 2, 2019 Posted May 2, 2019 This is very strange. Just read the exact same post in another forum and the same op name , but the op says she's a HE in that one, and person living out of london is a SHE. Same post , just vise versa. How bizarre is the stuff you come across on the internet. On the other one he says, should he wait for his dream girl. Too weird.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 Don't wait. Relationships like this will always put you through a rollercoaster of emotions. They will be interested one, closed off the next and then running back to you. Anytime a man says "I can't date because of x, y, z reason", run far away. Cancelling on dates shows disinterest.
chillii Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 Ha , she is a man according to her other post, maybe we better run for the hills huh. 1
stillafool Posted May 3, 2019 Posted May 3, 2019 This is very strange. Just read the exact same post in another forum and the same op name , but the op says she's a HE in that one, and person living out of london is a SHE. Same post , just vise versa. How bizarre is the stuff you come across on the internet. On the other one he says, should he wait for his dream girl. Too weird. Very confusing. The same thing has happened here. The same story posted once as a man and then as a woman. LOL
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