francis Posted September 22, 2005 Share Posted September 22, 2005 OK, having failed miserably at NC and falling miserably into the 'friends' category, I am now faced with the decision to tell him straight how i feel (although i sense he definately knows already) or just keep up this facade of 'friends' until we can be together when i graduate. he has insisted we stay in touch, the one time i tried NC was when he came chasing me, which assured me that he still loves me too. in all honesty, he knows i still love him, although when i plucked up enough courage to ask him straight out whether he still loves me, he responded by saying 'don't do this now'. i graduate in May, and although i have tried to date other men, i know deep down i am still very much in love with him (that together with bad new experience of dating new guy...urgh). he has instigated all msn conversations, and i will not begin any conversation ever with him, it is always him. our emails are very close and we are still very much involved in eachothers lives. sigh, i guess i am just sad that we cannot be together, and i am very frustrated about not being able to talk things over with him, because he just REFUSES to! Link to post Share on other sites
queenie01 Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 Francis, i feel like im in the same boat as you...my ex once again talked to me today, we were on the treadmills next to each other and talked the entire time. We laughed and jokes around etc...sure its nice but i dont want to be buddies with him...i want more. But I play it off very well. Now im stuck in a situation where i dont know what to do. I certainly dont want to talk to him in the gym everyday... but at the same time i cant tell him i dont want to talk to him because then he will know i cant handle it. What do we do in these situations. Link to post Share on other sites
Author francis Posted September 26, 2005 Author Share Posted September 26, 2005 to be honest, i really dont know how to play it. its gone on too long for me now just to stop and go full on NC. it does feel good to know he cares about me, sending me sms messages to find out my exam results...i no longer have massive butterflies when i see his messages in my inbox but it still means a lot that he still wants to keep in touch. but...he is making NO sign of wanting any commitment from me, which says it all. i cannot keep my life on hold for him. he doesnt ask if i am seeing anyone and i dont ask him. i try to play it down now, i dont chase him and dont reply to his every message. i dont know what the future holds, the hurt has faded a lot, i just wish things could be different but i know that we live in different countries and cannot be together so i have no other choice. and i want him in my life so i guess i must sit on my feelings and see what the future holds. Link to post Share on other sites
queenie01 Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 yeah its a messed up situation and i dont know what to tell you is right because i feel like im falling back into my exs trap as well. Link to post Share on other sites
georgiagirl76 Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 Both of you PLEASE read my 16 days no contact post in coping. It addresses a lot of what you are going through and could possibly help you with your situation. I know it sucks and you love your ex and you want it to work but you are doing so much damage to yourself and you may not realized it. Please read the post- I don't want to repeat myself here. If you read and reply I will also try to reply to help you. Stay strong. Link to post Share on other sites
Author francis Posted September 26, 2005 Author Share Posted September 26, 2005 so the idea is no contact all the way? just stop all contact? the last time i did no contact, he came over all needy and insistent. it was enough to show me that he indeed does care about me. i hate the way i sound right now. a sad and desperate girl. the thing is, when i do no contact its worse for me. i'm just waiting for his emails. at least if i email him, i'm in control of the situation a little. i dont reply straight away and i don't flood him with emotions and neediness and desperation. if i do nc, it must be with the total acceptance that we will never reconcile. but if i do nc, i am afraid that it will eliminate the possibility of a reconciliation when i graduate and we can be together. Link to post Share on other sites
queenie01 Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 yeah but how do i do no contact when we just started talking again... i just wish i knew what he wanted, like does he just want to be friends or is he getting interested again Link to post Share on other sites
georgiagirl76 Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 The reason you feel like it is worse for you is that you haven't let yourself go long enough into NC. Yes, the first weeks are horrible but if you hang in there you start to reap the benefits of NC. You stated that when you email him you are in control- that is actually the opposite. As long as you are contacting him and you want a relationship and he isn't letting you know what he wants- HE IS IN CONTROL. By not contacting him in any form you are taking control back. You are sending a message that you are going to take care of you. It will force him to either realize that he does have feelings for you or not. The good thing about it is you will either heal because you won't have a constant festering of your heart by talking with him or he will come back. As for you Queenie- stay away from the gym- you are going to get hurt again. Always remember- if someone wants you bad enough- they know how to get in touch with you. If they are being coy and not really telling you they want you then they don't- they just want to keep you around for a backup plan. It sucks- but it is true. Link to post Share on other sites
Author francis Posted September 26, 2005 Author Share Posted September 26, 2005 ok, so if i go cold turkey do i announce it to him? do i tell him, please respect my wishes, unless he wants to discuss reconciliation and committment, he should not contact me again (he told me he didnt know if i was the 'one'). or should i just drop off the face of the earth and leave him wonder? sigh...i hate this. is nc the only way to force him to realise his true feelings? Link to post Share on other sites
georgiagirl76 Posted September 26, 2005 Share Posted September 26, 2005 Francis The point of NC is to allow yourself to heal and sometimes a secondary benefit is that the ex realizes that he misses you. You don't announce NC. You just don't contact him in any form. It is hard at first- you need a support system in place. Talk to a friend and make a pact that you will call her first anytime you have the temptation to call or text or email him. Eventually it will get easier- you just have to trust me- and don't falter. There is a post on here about NC that basically breaks down the rules and the reasons why you do it. I was a doubter- I didn't believe it and I did it my way in my breakup before last and I got burned over and over again. This time I have applied it strictly and I have already begun to heal and feel a little better after 16 days. You can search the posts for the NC rules and I hope it helps. Link to post Share on other sites
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