Crosswords Posted May 1, 2019 Posted May 1, 2019 Been with my girlfriend for 4 months. Known for 5. In love with her. She hasn’t said it back. We have a great supportive and very honest relationship; still has its issues like anyone else’s. At the beginning of relationship she told me she wouldn’t make the best partner due to emotional availability. We proceeded to see each other anyways, not thinking we’d flourish to extent which we have now in such a short period. Throughout the relationship it has been difficult at times as she isn’t fully healed with her ex. 2 steps forward, 1 back, sometimes 2. Hasn’t fully opened intimately in some ways. Her actions are always very good. Her words are all over the place. Doubts, fears, hesitancy, etc. Last Friday she talked on the phone with him and felt shaken after. Told me about it. Still feels for him and those damn loving sensations. We live in the US, he’s in Europe. Says she’s torn because of what they had; they dated for 1.5 years - sounded like a tulmutous relationship, but many good aspects. Ended because she had to come back to the US because her visa expired. Said it’s hard to fully invest when she’s not 100% ready because of things she hasn’t fully dealt with. We hung out all weekend and it was amazing. Decided we’d take 1 week apart so she can square some things away. Told me before the end of the weekend that what we have is too good to give up, still has a lot of hope for us. She talked of the future often on Sunday and always has - trips, moving in, I’m husband material, etc. Made me feel so good because she’s all I want; I’m completely crazy about her. Haven’t spoken since Sunday night. It’s now Tuesday night. Don’t know why I’m posting this. I need to vent and I’m feeling a truck ton of anxiety that I don’t know how to otherwise dispel without annoying my friends with relationship chatter. Thoughts?
Mr. Lucky Posted May 1, 2019 Posted May 1, 2019 Thoughts? Well, I give her credit for honesty and you blame for ignoring the obvious red flags. If you stay together, you're going to spend years looking over your shoulder and wondering what she's thinking. And what happens if the ex comes to the US? A decision only you can make. But I'm not sure how one feels secure or optimistic in a relationship with a partner obviously still hung up on someone else... Mr. Lucky
Blind-Sided Posted May 1, 2019 Posted May 1, 2019 I feel for you... I really do. It sound like she is falling in love with you, but she is still emotionally attached to her X, and the only reason they broke up is because it's a LDR. I know it's hard, but you may want to back off a little, because if she can get a new visa, or he comes here... then she may break it off with you. I know that's not what you want to hear... but I'm sure that's what is also going though your own head. Good luck, and keep us posted.
d0nnivain Posted May 1, 2019 Posted May 1, 2019 The saying is between a rock and a hard place, not "in". The phrase means you are stuck in the middle. Anyway you are far too invested in a woman who admitted to you that she was emotionally unavailable. The fact that she is still talking to her EX & they broke up due to circumstances (her visa expiring) as opposed to breaking up because she fell out of love tells me you are a rebound. She can say all the pretty words & future talk you want to hear, the fact remains that if you 3 were all in the same geography, she'd pick him. Remember that as you move forward. 1
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