Do I settle and make the best of it or cut loose?

[Feelingtorn400]

I’ve been with my boyfriend for several years and most of them have been good years. However I have taken short breaks from time to time because I have become frustrated with him not taking care of himself financially in some cases. But since neither of us are getting any younger and since we’ve been together for so many years the next step seems to be to live together. I’ve made it crystal clear to him that I can’t live with him unless I know he’s fiscally responsible and has some kind of decent rainy day fund for himself since he has no assets.

 

He promised to do better at saving money (he is currently saving a small amount each month) and still has a modest amount leftover from an inheritance. He is still working and intends to continue to work for the foreseeable future as well as to collect Social Security.

 

Although he promised me that he’s going to do better to save more than he has been. However recently I purchased the following items with my own money:

 

number one is his mother’s birthday gift, two a donation for his friend's dance a thon, three a gift for a wedding he was invited to with me as his guest and four the airfare for both of us for a wedding that he was invited to with me as a guest. On the last expense he told me originally he was paying for everything but when I made him realize how much money was involved I did offer but it was only out of feeling sorry for him.

 

When I mentioned that my bills now are starting to add up he said “I’m running short this month”. I have much more in terms of income and assets than him and I’ve made it clear that I’m not here to be his retirement plan.

 

As I said before we do love each other but I feel like I’m sort of at the end of the road with him and that I believe will be setting myself up for failure if I ever was to live with them. He’s very loving and very caring and takes good care of me emotionally and he’s always reliable in terms of always being there for me. Should I settle or move on?

[clia]

Move on. Forget the sunk cost with this guy -- you aren't compatible and he doesn't seem motivated to change.

[kendahke]

I think you should think about what you want from him--do you want to marry him and be with him in the future? IMO--date him, keep him around for sex, but do not marry him, move in together or put his name on anything that's yours.

 

He's not taking you seriously about his solvency in his later years.