Tim87 Posted April 29, 2019 Posted April 29, 2019 For those who do online dating what is the first thing you check when opening up a person's profile? For me it saves me alot of time to first look what a woman says about having kids. I don't want kids so unless she marks her question with no to wanting kids then I don't need to read anything else. NEXT! If she says she has kids from a previous marriage and they are under 18 NEXT. If the kids issue checks out ok then the 2nd thing I look at is what she writes as her preferred match in a man. If I see anything in that list she would consider a dealbreaker then I close up the profile. No need to read anything else. She might put down that she prefers a man with a bachelor's degree. I'm out. I don't have that. If everything checks ok on her list then the 3rd thing I look for is if she is a heavy drinker. We would not be compatible as I drink occassionally. I'm grateful for the opportunity to save time as I shop around in online dating.
Mrin Posted April 29, 2019 Posted April 29, 2019 (edited) Back when I was dating it was: 1. Pics: have to find her attractive 2. Kid situation: I'm a father. Don't want to make any more babies. 3. Other red flags: smokers, heavy drinkers, politics. Edited April 29, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator removed political view 1
kendahke Posted April 29, 2019 Posted April 29, 2019 For those who do online dating what is the first thing you check when opening up a person's profile? 1. information--have they filled out the profile? If not, I delete/swipe left If they have filled it out and their use of basic English grammar and modal verbs is abysmal or they are "god fearing" working on an oil rig or in the military, I report them as scammers because that's what they are. 2. distance--too far, swipe left 3. photos--if none of them by themselves (all are either landscapes, memes, shots of someone's bare torso, pets/animals, them with pets/animals, kids, them with kids), I swipe left. 4. No smiling pictures--just no. Bye 1
kendahke Posted April 29, 2019 Posted April 29, 2019 I'm grateful for the opportunity to save time as I shop around in online dating. Don't make that the only place you're looking... that well can run dry, too.
SevenCity Posted April 29, 2019 Posted April 29, 2019 This is the problem with OLD. People create all these filters they never would in real life if they were faced with a person, in person, who knocked their socks off. The chances of finding someone who ticks all your boxes, who you find attractive, who also finds you attractive are slim to none. Use it as a way to practice dating but don’t count on finding anything real or lasting. Great for sex though. 4
snowcones Posted April 29, 2019 Posted April 29, 2019 This is the problem with OLD. People create all these filters they never would in real life if they were faced with a person, in person, who knocked their socks off. The chances of finding someone who ticks all your boxes, who you find attractive, who also finds you attractive are slim to none. Use it as a way to practice dating but don’t count on finding anything real or lasting. Great for sex though. Bingo. This is exactly right.... and why I removed myself from all dating apps. Also, I was never interested in just sex, so I never went there.
Foxhall Posted April 29, 2019 Posted April 29, 2019 (edited) I like to see a paragraph profile which will give me an insight into the girl's personality, as opposed to merely listing a few hobbies and so, I am looking for a profile that comes across as genuine and down to earth, I had actually become very disillusioned with online dating, some of you may have read an earlier post I made about how confident online dating women are, this is true on the site I had been using anyway. but I think I am ready to re-enter the arena again, At the end of the day there is no reason for me to feel that I cannot attract a smart beautiful woman,(well they do not have to be this either, connection really is the most important thing!) I have been with plenty of women actually over the years, and a recent friendship I have made with a Hungarian lady has made me realise well I have a lot to offer a woman. I am as good as any of these "confident " women and I am as good as any of you who took a cheap shot at me in that previous thread I referred too. ( I did of course appreciate most of the comments which were genuine) so onwards and upwards!! " DO NOT PUT YOURSELF DOWN BECAUSE THERE IS ALWAYS SOMEONE ELSE TO DO THAT FOR YOU" Edited April 29, 2019 by Foxhall
Shining One Posted April 29, 2019 Posted April 29, 2019 First: Check the "What she's looking for" section. If I don't meet her requirements, I block from search (so I don't see her profile again) and move on. Second: Pictures. Third: Rest of profile.
chillii Posted April 30, 2019 Posted April 30, 2019 (edited) So it's about your no no's your asking l take it. Ha , where could we even start with the very scary buso of old profiles Looks of course. And one big thing for me back when was if she even mentioned sex , anywhere, far as l was concerned she'd be a classless moron and for sure too been round the block way too many times for anyone l'd be interested in. 1 or no kids .A long write up , they were usually me me me types.Silly ldeals and or attitudes in anything she said. Man hating'. 3/4 of her page about what she doesn't want/ 1/2 a page rubbishing guys Any signs of self centeredness or me me me .Any signs of anything l don't like in a woman.Any signs of being a pain in the ass And it goes on and on and on when you see 80% of the profiles There was just sooooo much stuff to watch out for l remember. But on the other hand it was also good in many ways because you give women with issues a chance to grandstand and they're usually all over it so you see a lotta lotta stuff that if say you met her out somewhere, you might not hear about for weeks, But on a date site it's all out there or very clearly between the lines, so in all those ways l thought they were a great way of showing whom they really are straight off. ps , oh yeah , my fav' some ridiculous mile long list of the perfect man , and she was obviously expecting to just go on a date site and bingo , there he just pops out , just like magic. Because well , she was just sooooo good. That stuff was everywhere too on mine. Edited April 30, 2019 by chillii
Cersei Posted April 30, 2019 Posted April 30, 2019 When used online dating my deal breakers were: No car (I don't want to feel like a taxi driver) Smoker (gross, yuck) Heavy drinker (this often leads to trouble for me)
TheFinalWord Posted April 30, 2019 Posted April 30, 2019 (edited) Her pictures. Green flags: Clear, recent photos. Even if she isn't perfect (who is), her pictures reflect what she looks like in real life. *This has to be the number one let down with OLD. Eventually you are going to meet, so why use false advertisement? This happens so much that I now either require a video chat before we meet if there is some distance, or that we go dutch on the first meeting. Red flags: No body shots; mostly top down shots to make a person look thinner; Snapchat filters on pics which make a person look a lot better. Her profile statement. Green flags: A thoughtful, well-articulated summary. Outlines activities she enjoys (makes it easy to come up with date ideas and gives an idea about compatibility); what she is looking for in a partner; her vision for her life.Red flags: On sites like Match, eharmony, etc., if the person has put minimal work into their statement. Indicates they haven't really spent time to think about what they're looking for in a partner. If they don't know what they're looking for, what chance do I have to assess compatibility? They could also be lazy. Or, they're going primarily by looks and would do better on Tinder.Red flag in statement: they start off saying..."I'm a mom first to a wonderful x-year old"; "I'm sick of game playing and cheaters"; "I'm on here as a last resort"...or some other statement that pretty much reveals that they don't have a good people picker, aren't over an ex (lots of those in OLD), or are bitter.Yellow flag: Not a deal breaker, but I find myself less interested when a woman says "he must make me laugh." Just played out and who doesn't like to laugh. Surely there's something deeper a woman is looking for than a court jester for a boyfriend. Her filters/search criteria: Not a deal breaker category, but let's me assess if she is really picky or so non-picky that she'll go out with anyone. If she has no filters and a one or two sentence summary statement, indicates laziness and/or not serious about finding someone. Green flag She's realistic; for example, if she is overweight, her search criteria also indicates she will date someone overweight. Yellow flag She's unrealistic: For example, if she's overweight but her search criteria indicates she's searching only for athletic and toned ; she's 5'1" but has minimal height at 6'...not a deal breaker per say, but tells you a little bit about the person.She has no filters at all; no standards or boundaries at all? May also indicate laziness. Neither is good. As a side note: I spent a lot of time writing my summary statement. I think if you're looking to build something real, it's worth putting time into developing a solid statement. Outlining what you are looking for in a potential partner, your interests and hobbies, what you bring to the table, and your vision for your life. Edited April 30, 2019 by TheFinalWord Added note about pics
nospam99 Posted April 30, 2019 Posted April 30, 2019 Kind of a silly topic. But fun so WTH... Activity - is this a 'zombie' profile? Photos and self-assessed body type - cute enough to attract me? 'match %' (if provided by the site) - just an 'indicator' but provides a little guidance i.e. 71% is not going to cut it when I have plenty of 90%+ choices Location - close enough to spend more time dating than before and after travel? Age and height - is she likely to filter me out for obvious reasons? Her essay - hints to what she's looking for? Interests - are there fun things to do together while getting to know each other? Her enumerated 'looking for' criteria - any obvious deal-breakers?
smackie9 Posted May 1, 2019 Posted May 1, 2019 My husband and I were trying to locate his coworker's dating profile...after scrolling for about 10 mins looking...I was so glad that I was married. There was slim to no pickins. Yuck. I really feel for you guys.....not sure why you would waste your time.
cammie Posted May 14, 2019 Posted May 14, 2019 (edited) The first things I check are the photos and the "About me" text and then all other things. In general it does not takes much time to check the entire profile. Edited May 14, 2019 by cammie
PegNosePete Posted May 14, 2019 Posted May 14, 2019 This is the problem with OLD. People create all these filters they never would in real life if they were faced with a person, in person, who knocked their socks off. I don't think that's true at all. If someone knocked your socks off but you later found out they wanted kids but you didn't (or vice versa) would you shrug and continue a relationship? No. If someone knocked your socks off but when you spoke to them you found out that they were a smoker and their breath stank, would you date them regardless? No. If someone knocked your socks off but you found out they lived 300 miles away and were only in your town for a gig or something, would you date them? No. If someone knocked your socks off but you later found out about some other deal-breaker, such as they are long-term unemployed, don't have any common interests, crazy politics, married etc, would you continue to date them? No. Sure, some people go crazy on the filters and rule out people because their hair is 3mm too long or they wear the wrong brand of shades or whatever. But I don't think this is many people, judging by the responses threads such as this one tend to get. The majority cite only "sensible" filters that they would also apply to people they met in real life. Difference being, the information is available up-front in OLD whereas you have to put in a lot more time and effort until you discover the deal-breakers RL. That sounds like win-win to me.
Eternal Sunshine Posted May 14, 2019 Posted May 14, 2019 I don't think that's true at all. If someone knocked your socks off but you later found out they wanted kids but you didn't (or vice versa) would you shrug and continue a relationship? No. If someone knocked your socks off but when you spoke to them you found out that they were a smoker and their breath stank, would you date them regardless? No. If someone knocked your socks off but you found out they lived 300 miles away and were only in your town for a gig or something, would you date them? No. If someone knocked your socks off but you later found out about some other deal-breaker, such as they are long-term unemployed, don't have any common interests, crazy politics, married etc, would you continue to date them? No. Sure, some people go crazy on the filters and rule out people because their hair is 3mm too long or they wear the wrong brand of shades or whatever. But I don't think this is many people, judging by the responses threads such as this one tend to get. The majority cite only "sensible" filters that they would also apply to people they met in real life. Difference being, the information is available up-front in OLD whereas you have to put in a lot more time and effort until you discover the deal-breakers RL. That sounds like win-win to me. Yes and yes to bolded. I actually scrolled right past 2 guys on OLD site over the years (because they didn't match my criteria) only to develop crazy crushes on them when meeting them randomly in real life (one I met through friends and the other I met at at work). By that time, they already had wives. That's why I think OLD is pointless. I am looking for chemistry not a list.
Andy_K Posted May 15, 2019 Posted May 15, 2019 I try to limit criteria to just the essentials. Beyond that it depends if they write back and seem interested. 1) Are they attractive 2) Distance. 30+ miles just isn't likely to work for me. 3) How many kids? 2+ is probably a no from me, 1 or fewer is fine. 4) Do they talk about liking beards, tattoos, travel, gin, and banter? If so, it's a pass. I want someone with an actual personality not a sheep. 5) Any common interests? If at least one then we're good.
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