Tim87 Posted April 28, 2019 Share Posted April 28, 2019 What are some of the signs of real interest from a woman on the 1st date? Touching does not really count and besides I would not want a woman to touch me on a 1st date as it would attack my comfort level. Compliments on a 1st date attack my comfort level too. What are the signs she is interested but just wants to go slow? I want her to be interested without acting on it too much. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 28, 2019 Share Posted April 28, 2019 If touching & compliments attack your comfort zone, what's left, eye contact from across the room? Sounds like you are not ready to date. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 28, 2019 Share Posted April 28, 2019 You need to work on yourself before trying to date. It's not normal to be uncomfortable with casual touching really at ANY age. So go find out what's going on with you at a psychologist. Link to post Share on other sites
AGoodFriend Posted April 28, 2019 Share Posted April 28, 2019 Touching aside, eye contact, interest and comfort in the conversation. Cell phone is not constantly being checked. Focus seems to be on you; she is not distracted or aloof. These can all show interest. The going slow part will also hinge on what you put out there. For example, if there is obvious chemistry, this is when people start kissing or even progress to sex if the attraction is that strong. If the chemistry is there but you want to go slow, then at the end of the date just tell her you had a great time and would like to see her again. No hugs or kisses. I'd at least kiss her hand, though. This will let her know you basically want to go slow. Now, you never really know her motivations for a date. She could be looking to go slow, but she could also very well be looking for sex. If that is the case, she might prioritize dating opportunities that have that potential. Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tim87 Posted April 28, 2019 Author Share Posted April 28, 2019 You need to work on yourself before trying to date. It's not normal to be uncomfortable with casual touching really at ANY age. So go find out what's going on with you at a psychologist. Ok but that does not answer my question. Whether or not I need a psychologist is a different subject for another thread. I did not start a thread to talk about whether or not this is normal or whether I should go see somebody. Going slow in dating is not a sign of a mental illness. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 28, 2019 Share Posted April 28, 2019 every woman is different ...theres no set answer for this....i would agree with others.....you dont seem ready to date... you can by the way take it slow and touch...on the arm, the hand the shoulder....to show interest its rather natural to reach out and ...touch..reminds me of one of my favourite songs... reach out and touch somebody's hand..make this world a better place if you can"i remembered that song as soon as i started reading your post...smilin..such a cool song.and here it is listen to it it might strike a chord in you......sometimes touch,its even an unconscious act with someone you are interested in doesnt mean the girl is fast at all and not into taking it slow...compliments.....you should accept them with grace and humility.....not be turned off....or you will have issues dating.....deb 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tim87 Posted April 28, 2019 Author Share Posted April 28, 2019 every woman is different ...theres no set answer for this....i would agree with others.....you dont seem ready to date... you can by the way take it slow and touch...on the arm, the hand the shoulder....to show interest its rather natural to reach out and ...touch..reminds me of one of my favourite songs...i remembered that song as soon as i started reading your post...smilin..such a cool song.and here it is listen to it it might strike a chord in you......sometimes touch,its even an unconscious act with someone you are interested in doesnt mean the girl is fast at all and not into taking it slow...compliments.....you should accept them with grace and humility.....not be turned off....or you will have issues dating.....deb On the 1st date we are both total strangers to each other. Any physical contact beyond shaking hands is just weird to me. I don't want strangers touching me. Link to post Share on other sites
d0nnivain Posted April 28, 2019 Share Posted April 28, 2019 Humans are pack animals & human touch is part of bonding. Nobody is suggesting that you must have sex, kiss or even hug but you can't very well freak out if somebody brushes your arm, bumps your shoulder or claps you on the back. If you are open to a handshake you should be OK. Signs of interest include eye contact, being an active listener, mirroring body language, facing the other person square on shoulder to shoulder alignment, open posture (as opposed to arms crossed) and leaning in. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tim87 Posted April 28, 2019 Author Share Posted April 28, 2019 I have a hard time accepting criticism but accepting complinents are even harder especially from a stranger. Criticism is more tolerable to my mind than a compliment. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted April 28, 2019 Share Posted April 28, 2019 On the 1st date we are both total strangers to each other. Any physical contact beyond shaking hands is just weird to me. I don't want strangers touching me. Ah ... but here we get to the special category of human romance. If you two people have chemistry, they will mirror each other in body language, they will listen intently to the other, they will speak in an animated way as if this conversation or this night out is the best thing that has happened to them in years ... They will laugh (in the flattering way) at each other's stories or observations. They will give each other some compliments (sorry) ... and they at some point will touch hands or go shoulder to shoulder--at the very least. If you rule out body language and compliments, man ... this is like one of those great technical puzzles, I'm not sure how you get to showing interest. I suppose the person can respond with great enthusiasm to what you're saying without complimenting you ... OK, the other person will smile ... a big bright smile ... they will find ways to show that they get what you're saying ... complimenting your idea _ ... or saying they find your story interesting ... and so on ...Question: is complimenting something you say OK for you? Link to post Share on other sites
todreaminblue Posted April 28, 2019 Share Posted April 28, 2019 (edited) On the 1st date we are both total strangers to each other. Any physical contact beyond shaking hands is just weird to me. I don't want strangers touching me. maybe that is where you are making a wrong step...dating a total stranger when you should get to know them first so you feel comfortable with contact that honestly is innocent.i have never in my entire life...had a date...where the guy shook my hand.....i would actually find that ....off putting....maybe thats why i dont date strangers...i have found dating strangers not only do they not shake my hand but its guys who maul normally straight for my breasts and i dont like that either.......and I prefer to know a guy first so i know his character and intentions..... that might work more for you....know the woman first and be comfortable enough to have normal levels of affection with taking it slow in mind.....and be able to reciprocate that affection in an appropriate and thoughtful manner.......that is real.....and feels good.....to do ps dont shake a dates hand stranger or not...unless you are dating a man...it isnt a business venture or friendship you are looking for is it?....deb Edited April 28, 2019 by todreaminblue Link to post Share on other sites
Author Tim87 Posted April 28, 2019 Author Share Posted April 28, 2019 Ah ... but here we get to the special category of human romance. If you two people have chemistry, they will mirror each other in body language, they will listen intently to the other, they will speak in an animated way as if this conversation or this night out is the best thing that has happened to them in years ... They will laugh (in the flattering way) at each other's stories or observations. They will give each other some compliments (sorry) ... and they at some point will touch hands or go shoulder to shoulder--at the very least. If you rule out body language and compliments, man ... this is like one of those great technical puzzles, I'm not sure how you get to showing interest. I suppose the person can respond with great enthusiasm to what you're saying without complimenting you ... OK, the other person will smile ... a big bright smile ... they will find ways to show that they get what you're saying ... complimenting your idea _ ... or saying they find your story interesting ... and so on ...Question: is complimenting something you say OK for you? Compliments of any kind are ok AFTER she becomes the girlfriend IF she becomes my girlfriend. I also don't kiss until date 3 and even then it is only after getting consistent buying signals. Link to post Share on other sites
LenaRea Posted April 28, 2019 Share Posted April 28, 2019 What are some of the signs of real interest from a woman on the 1st date? I want her to be interested without acting on it too much. I’m really not sure what you mean? If you aren’t into the typical signs of interest, i.e touching and/or compliments, then you will need to spell it out for yourself. Or just be direct. You’ve already determined the most obvious signs are crossing a line for you. Not to mention, why wouldn’t you want her to act on it? That’s the entire point of dating..... I’m going to have to agree with previous poster’s and say that perhaps you aren’t ready to date at this point. You should probably do some soul searching before dating. Because, with requirements like these, every girl will be doomed to failure before she even starts. Probably without even knowing why, too. This is not a very fair way to date, IMO. Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 28, 2019 Share Posted April 28, 2019 How's she going to become your girlfriend if you flinch every time she touches you? 2 Link to post Share on other sites
Foxhall Posted April 28, 2019 Share Posted April 28, 2019 Ok but that does not answer my question. Whether or not I need a psychologist is a different subject for another thread. I did not start a thread to talk about whether or not this is normal or whether I should go see somebody. Going slow in dating is not a sign of a mental illness. well answered here Tim, preraphs comment was below the belt, aside from that, I have experienced this on occasion over the years, or well since moving to this more reserved coffee date scene shall we call it, to have a chance romantically you have to build a certain subtle physical rapport though, otherwise as I have seen commented here a few times "you will always be friend zoned" just some basics, complement your date on her appearance, make eye contact, smiles etc, give a hug at the end of the date (if you felt it has gone well, and a kiss on cheek is ok too, you do not need any psychological councilling on this, it just comes with more experience. p.s- cannot wait for game of thrones tomorrow- the white walkers are here. Link to post Share on other sites
Lotsgoingon Posted April 28, 2019 Share Posted April 28, 2019 Compliments of any kind are ok AFTER she becomes the girlfriend IF she becomes my girlfriend. I also don't kiss until date 3 and even then it is only after getting consistent buying signals. You've set up one of those logical riddles like the great mathematics puzzles the great 20th century theoretical mathematicians ran into. The whole question about how to interpret statements like this: I always lie. I'm lying The mathematicians and logicians (as I understand it) came up with a humble solution ... some truths could not be proved and simply have to be asserted as true ... and assumed as true ... and then you can reason about the rest. You cannot build a relationship without compliments ... No one wants to go out again with someone unless they leave the previous meeting feeling fantastic. It's feeling great that leads people to want to go out a second time or a third time. Can the person say, "I had a good time tonight"? Another question: let's say YOU meet someone ... they follow your rules ... how would you tell them or make known that you want to see them again? You would say something like, "I enjoyed your company" right? ... Or maybe no, say more ... If you say you want to see them again without having said that you enjoyed your time with them ... they will think it strange and creepy ... their nervous systems picks up no interest ... and yet your words are saying some interest ... Many of us have learned the hard way that when there is such a conflict, pay attention to the nervous system, not the words someone utters that seem to come out of nowhere. So you can take out an ad for online dating and mention your requirements ... there might be someone out there who finds your requirements reasonable and fine. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 28, 2019 Share Posted April 28, 2019 Do you possibly just want a pretend girlfriend? I mean, I have seen young girls who like to "play house" and act like they have a boyfriend but are in fact just doing it to look how they want to look to other people. And I've seen gay guys who want to have a no-touch girlfriend of course as a beard. 1 Link to post Share on other sites
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