Patrick.Reynolds Posted September 22, 2005 Posted September 22, 2005 Hello, I am new at forums such as these, where you discuss your problems with other people, so I apologize aforehand (sp?) for anything I might screw up on. Moving on, My name is Patrick Reynolds, and i've been dating my girlfriend for 6 months this Oct 1. We were doing really really well until the fifth month of our realtionship and then other factors began to affect our realtionship in a fully-negative way. namely, my mom. She is very controlling. Lucklily I have since moved out and that portion of our realtionship problems has died down But for the past couple of weeks its been getting really bad in other aspects. I was fealing really jealous and suspicious for a while, I'm not really sure as to why I was, but I was, but I have since gotten over it, for the most part. I've been working on it for the past week, and I feel that I've been getting better, but I know I still have alot of work to do. That partially stems from the fact that she keeps saiyng she needs to get laid. I know that she's kidding around and wouldn't have sex with anyone else (we've descided not to have sex in our relationship as of yet) but it still drives a nail into me everytime I hear her say it. My main problem is that she always seems to be either upset with me or sad. I know that it is most likely due to multiple other circumstances in her life (i.e. someone who won't leave her alone, but is making her sick by doing such) that affect her mood. But I can never seem to cheer her up. We both show affection through physical contact, since we're not good at displaying it through words, and my touch seems to relax her (not sexual touch, but just rubbing my hand over her stomache or gliding it across her face, things like that), she seems to enjoy it. For insntance when I cup the palm of my hand against her cheek she push her face into it, and other things like that, but she never really seems to smile. Her smile is so beautiful, and I miss seeing it when we're alone. When there are other people she smiles alot, she's good at hiding her mood, but when its just me and her, she doesn't smile very much. There you have it, for the most part. is there anything you could suggesst to try to make her happier when she's with me?
Art_Critic Posted September 22, 2005 Posted September 22, 2005 You need to communicate with her on a level that she can understand where you are coming from and you need to ask her if anything is wrong.
alphamale Posted September 22, 2005 Posted September 22, 2005 prepare yourself patrick.reynolds because she is most likely getting ready to exit the relationship.
RainyDayWoman Posted September 22, 2005 Posted September 22, 2005 prepare yourself patrick.reynolds because she is most likely getting ready to exit the relationship. i agree. women often pull the angry stunt, because in truth, they are angry AND resentful----at you, for not reading their mminds and figuring out that they don't want to be with you. and you decided not to have sex, but she wants to get laid? not gonna work anyway.
alphamale Posted September 22, 2005 Posted September 22, 2005 i agree. women often pull the angry stunt, because in truth, they are angry AND resentful----at you, for not reading their mminds and figuring out that they don't want to be with you. are men allowed to do this also, RDW??? Like get all pissy and start arguments and fights cause in truth we are angry and resentful that she did not read our minds to figure out we don't want her anymore and want to f*** someone else??
RainyDayWoman Posted September 22, 2005 Posted September 22, 2005 are men allowed to do this also, RDW??? Like get all pissy and start arguments and fights cause in truth we are angry and resentful that she did not read our minds to figure out we don't want her anymore and want to f*** someone else?? some of you men already do. you'll see a lot of it on this board, even--women who are with guys who are deliberately saying everything except "i just don't want to be with you anymore." and the women are asking "does he want to be with me? what's he really trying to say?" however, when men do it, i don't think it's so much out of anger or resentment, i think they just won't come out and say it and hope the woman will get the hint because it's easier. from what i see here, i have to say, she won't get the hint. i would, but i think i'm different than a lot of women. as for permission, i can't grant it to anyone to act this way, and just because i know it happens doesn't mean i endorse it. but yes, i have done it myself.
housebaby Posted September 22, 2005 Posted September 22, 2005 Did YOU decide not to have sex? cause it sounds like she needs some .... Maybe she has boarderline personality disorder?
Author Patrick.Reynolds Posted September 22, 2005 Author Posted September 22, 2005 The Decision to not have sex was mutual, but keeps hoping back and forth. Origianlly, she said that we wouldn't have sex cause it was my wish, but now I've thought about it and descided that it would be allright to have sex with her. but she says she doesn't want to have sex right now, or until she's married period anymore which I can understand it because that was also my viewpoint until recently, I have only recently changed it I feal that she's worth giving myself to. But as I said in my previous message, she is most oftentimes saying it as a joke. She feals the urges to have sex, but isn't really willing to, so its meant mainly as a joke. We've talked about it alot and have reached the conclusion that when we both agree that sex is good for our realtionship we'll have sex, not before, so I'm not worried about that. Right now, I'm almost positive that most of our problems stem from the fact that a person that she fully devoted herself to, that betrayed her, wont' leave her alone now, and is trying to get together wth her again, and its making her depressed and sick, and she won't ignore him, its not her personality, so she's stuck. She was alot happier when he was leaving her alone, but then he came back and things started to get worse. he went away, she was fine, he came back again and we're where we stand now. Alot of her sadness and anger that she displays towards me is derived from the fact that she won't not talk to people, and alot of people cause her pain and trouble that she bottles up. I'm kindof an outlet for her sometimes, and while its kinda annoying, I thought about it before I went into the realtionship and told myself that I would be able to put up with it. so really if he would go away things would probably get better, but until then I need to figure out a way to make her happier.
alphamale Posted September 22, 2005 Posted September 22, 2005 Right now, I'm almost positive that most of our problems stem from the fact that a person that she fully devoted herself to, that betrayed her, wont' leave her alone now, and is trying to get together wth her again, and its making her depressed and sick, and she won't ignore him, its not her personality, so she's stuck. You are grossly mis-reading the situation here PATRICK.REYNOLDS. She still has strong feelings for the person mentioned above and is unhappy because she cannot control those feelings. You should tell her to go back to this person and be with him because in the end that is what she will most likely do anyways. good luck alpha
Author Patrick.Reynolds Posted September 22, 2005 Author Posted September 22, 2005 You are grossly mis-reading the situation here PATRICK.REYNOLDS. She still has strong feelings for the person mentioned above and is unhappy because she cannot control those feelings. You should tell her to go back to this person and be with him because in the end that is what she will most likely do anyways. good luck alpha While you are partially correct, she may have feelings for the person, I am alos positive that she wil lnt go back to him becase of what happened. There's alot more behind it than just being a face value breakup. He went too far with alot of things and right now she's just trying to reconvince herself tis fine that he''s gone. She might break up with me, but I highly doubt she'd go back to him, we've talked about it, and she's realized that he was a complete ass. The reason she talks to these people even after they've greviously mistreated her is and I quote "its not [her] place to determine what they deserve" (her retort to my saying they don't deserve her kindness)
oh_what_am_I_doing Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 Patrick, At first after reading your original post, I was going to tell you that it sounds like your girlfriend is depressed. She may need to talk with someone and get help that unfortunately you can't provide her. I am in a similar situation in which I am sad all the time and cry alot when I'm with my boyfriend, though oftentimes it's totally unrelated to him (aunt has breast cancer.... hate my job.... Dad has a little something-something on the side who happens to be my age and he is putting my mom through living hell, which I get to keep hearing about from her....) But then a later post you wrote stated the whole thing with the ex. It sounds like she was hurt pretty badly by this guy, and even though the two of you discussed it and you made her realize what a jerk he was to her, that probably didn't do a whole lot for diminishing her feelings toward him. I know this first hand also, because my ex-boyfriend was a total pig but I still had such strong feelings for him after we broke up. (My ex even picked me up and brought me back to his place when his ex-fiance called up drunk, saying she needed his help. He went to pick her up at the bar, and left me at his place saying he'd be right back after he drove her home. Turns out, he didn't return to his place that night- he spent the night with her WHILE I WAS AT HIS PLACE, and he knew I'd know he never returned home!!) And after all that, I didn't break up with him and still wanted to be with him. I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes the feelings women feel don't make sense. It doesn't make sense that she would still have feelings for that jerk ex of hers, but it sounds like she does. She probably doesn't want to have those feelings for him, but they're there none-the-less. Sorry.
alphamale Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 I guess what I'm saying is that sometimes the feelings women feel don't make sense. . wow O_W_A_I_D....that is the understatement of the year!
Author Patrick.Reynolds Posted September 25, 2005 Author Posted September 25, 2005 No need to dsay anything else on it everyone, we're doing allright. Went to the state fair actually yesterday. We're doing fine for now. I apprecicate all teh help everyone, Domo Arigato
fusangite Posted September 25, 2005 Posted September 25, 2005 Fair enough Patrick but let's not sugar coat it. You two haven't collectively decided to do anything. She has decided she wants to have sex. You have decided to withhold it. If you want to solve the problem, you can always stop withhholding sex.
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