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What does it take to show some men you are interested

Sunnydaysandsome

By Sunnydaysandsome
in Dating

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smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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You date those who treat you the way you want to be treated. He didn't treat you the way you wanted to be treated. What do you do? You stop asking why or what went wrong (because that doesn't matter) and drop them like a hot potato.

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Gretchen12 Established Member

Gretchen12

Posted
Posted

Stop mothering men. You bent over backwards while he was flakey, and now you are still doing it - wondering if you could have done more. You knew the feeling was not mutual.

 

Yeah you probably could have done more: chased him, spoiled him, threw yourself at him, been all over him with compliments and gifts. No reason why a woman can't do that. But the problem is, at the end of the day what have you? A man who had his ego boosted, received adoration, presents, but he never fell in love. That comes to nothing at the end.

 

If a man is into you, he will interpret every little thing you do as indicating interest, no matter how insecure he is. That's human nature. In other words, when he said you didn't seem very into him, he meant to say it with a shrug. He doesn't care, if he cared he'd have said Oh! I'm so glad now I know! Let's try again! And stopped you from leaving.

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Youngestdaughter Established Member

Youngestdaughter

Posted
Posted

You didn't give any examples of his flakey behavior, so it's difficult to translate. I don't think it was a sex thing. Did he even try? I can only say some people literally cannot take responsibility for their own behavior. It wasn't his fault. You just "didn't seem that into me." If that were indeed the case, wouldn't he have broken up with you? Unless he was trying to get you to break up with him which is not only flakey but cowardly and dishonest. Sounds like he's at best very immature and you are better off without him.

basil67 Established Member

basil67

Posted
Posted
If a woman likes a guy what is so wrong with her going up to him and letting it be known?

 

Absolutely nothing.

Blind-Sided Established Member

Blind-Sided

Posted
Posted (edited)
.......... and was expecting you to deliver a pizza and give him a bj.

 

That would be great !! But you forgot the case of beer. LOL.

 

 

No but seriously, there is a bit of a double standard going on. As a guy who is probably going to be dating soon... it's a hard place to be. Yes, in the 80's, girls got more aggressive... but now, there is so much on the news with things like... "He sniffed my hair, and now I'm going to ruin his life". Or all the stories on the news where someone is being accused of unwanted contact... but the guy is saying it was mutual. Right now, society leans to the woman when it's not always the truth.

 

 

So, I guess if I was on an early date, and I kissed someone, and I got a shocked reaction... yes... absolutely... I would feel she wasn't into me, and it would change the entire situation until a got a CLEAR sign that she was into me. As a guy... that would be physical contact or WORDS !! And I don't mean sex or "I love you".... but something simple like looking deep into my eyes, and hearing "I really enjoy the time we are spending together."

 

 

So, if you didn't give a clear indication, and only gave a shocked reaction to a kiss... then yes... you didn't let him know, and he may have just been keeping himself safe.

 

 

Oh, and as an FYI... driving to see him isn't a clear indication of your intention in a guy's eyes.

Edited by Blind-Sided
Lotsgoingon Established Member

Lotsgoingon

Posted
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So, if you didn't give a clear indication, and only gave a shocked reaction to a kiss... then yes... you didn't let him know, and he may have just been keeping himself safe.

 

The problem is her real, visceral reaction was to recoil. You don't want to talk yourself out of recoiling if you aren't ready for a kiss. The shock is itself evidence that these two have no romantic energy.

 

These guys were friends-acquaintances ... no chemistry ... no romantic energy, no easy touching ... no staring into each other's eyes, no wowing each other with stories or experiences, no witty flirtatious banter.

 

This guy didn't join her on the couch--in a restaurant where there was plenty of room. Look, I'm cautious and quite vigilant about not assuming a woman is interested in something ... But if I were even slightly interested in the woman, I would get my butt on the couch beside her. And getting on the couch can still be on the friend side of things. It's not that much of a commitment.

 

The kiss came out of nowhere, with no lead-up beforehand. So she was shocked. I've had a woman kiss me that I wasn't ready for ... It was like I'm on the friend channel and she suddenly switches without checking in with me without (to my knowledge) getting any signals from me.

snowboy91 Established Member

snowboy91

Posted
Posted

If you're showing interest and the person you're on a date with isn't interested, no amount of extra indication is going to make them interested. That works both ways, whether the guy is the one interested in the girl or vice versa.

 

So I wouldn't put this down to anything other than him being not interested. I don't really see a need to read into it too much more, or to change your approach.

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