18m broke up with 16f gf 3 months ago, want to work out next steps

[Naycal]

I was with her for two and and a half years and we were each others first serious relationship, the breakup was very sudden and she gave vague reasons such as i dont feel the same way anymore but i believe she lost feelings due to needy and clingy behaviour on my part. On the day of the breakup i begged and pleaded which i now know was a bad move. I was very close to her family and they all messaged me saying how shocked and saddened they were by her decision. We also never had a major argument during this time.

 

After she asked for space i stopped contacting her but it only took a few days for her to message me looking for emotional support and i even picked her up to talk, during this talk she said that she may be feeling depressed and needed to sort her own head out so we could work on the relationship and that she was not sure what she wanted. This gave me a sense of hope but a few weeks later when i tried to initiate reconcilliation she said that she had to follow her gut and it wasnt what she wanted any more so i agreed with her.

 

I went into a two week no contact period and then sent an elephant in the room text apologising for my needy behaviour and for pushing her away, i also said i still wanted her in my life and i wanted to start over with a clean slate. She replied saying how she appreciated what i had and said, that it took balls and that she wanted to stay in touch.

 

After that we exchanged messaged a couple times a week with me mostly initiating and her being blunt at times.

 

For the last couple with weeks we have been talking almost every day, with her initiating if i dont message for a few days, during one conversation she opened up about how she has been struggling with her parents divorce and feels stuck in the middle but when i tried to talk to her about that after she said she was fine and it wasnt deep.

 

I believe she has been trying to make me jealous with a person from her work whos name she wont tell me , she told me she was going shopping alone with him but in the background of a post she put up on social media i could see her little sister making it clear she wasnt actually with him and when i asked a friend of mine who works with her who it could be she had no idea and it may not even be a person. She claims to constantly argue with this person and vents to me about it but just says she forgives him too easily as they have a complicated relationship, when i asked why she said i wouldnt like it and when i hinted at how i thought there might be something more than friends to their relationship she made a joke about them sleeping together then immediately deleted it and said she was kidding, that she didnt think i was ready for that kind of banter yet, and that she could never with throwing up emojis. I responded by saying i know we arent together anymore and you can do what you want but i dont want to her that kind of thing and we carried on the conversation as normal.

 

Two days ago we had an hour long conversation on the phone, just catching up and joking around. She made a comment about how boys are more complicated than girls because they have no balls and dont say how they feel. Which may have been a hint at something i am not sure.

 

We had a text conversation after this and she asked me if a mutual friend had told me she was playing hard to get which he hadnt done. She was switching between being blunt in the conversation and putting effort in which also confused me. After that she asked why i was making effort to continue the conversation and i said if thats how you feel then all you have to do is say, she replied with nah just saying we aint gotta talk and then carried on the conversation. She also made a comment about how i dont know her very well anymore.

 

After that i realised she had deleted me from snapchat the day before and now i am very confused and not sure what my next steps should be, part of me wants to call her and ask if she actually wants to remain in contact, tell her how i feel and then get on with my life whereas another part thinks i should go back into no contact and wait for her to message me.

 

Thanks in advance for any advice.

[d0nnivain]

I'm sorry you broke up. I know it hurts.

 

There's a bit of push pull with this. Neither of you are ready to never speak to each other again but she is no longer interested in dating you.

 

At 18 I'm assuming you are a senior & graduation is just around the corner. At that point you will be out of school & on to the next stage of your life. She will still be in HS.

 

For now, just grit your teeth & plaster a smile on your face when you see her in school. Keep the texting to a minimum & don't bother about whoever else she's talking to.

[Naycal]

Thanks for the advice, am in the uk so currently at sixth form but its still a similar situation to what you described, do you think it would be a good idea to go no contact or should i call her out on the games and ask what she really wants from me

[d0nnivain]

Don't call her out on anything. That's just a tad too aggressive & while it may be appropriate for adults if one was playing games, given your ages, I'm not as certain she's doing this intentionally. All teens, you included, are still finding your way. Missteps are part of the learning process. Be compassionate but wary of her sucking you back in when that is not what she means to do.

 

NC will be tough in the same school / neighborhood. Instead try for low contact. You respond briefly when she reaches out but you don't initiate. You be polite in her presence but not warm. You want to be the bigger person & stay on the high road here.

[Naycal]

Okay, thank you for the help

[bathtub-row]

Trying to maintain a serious relationship at both your ages is not going to work. I mean, think about it - she was 14 when you guys started dating, and you were 16. That’s nuts! I’m sorry. I know you don’t want to hear that but it’s true.

 

What you need to do is stop getting so serious so quickly. Go to college and then backpack across Europe or some other place for a year or two. Do something that feels like an intense adventure on your own or with a buddy. You need to discover yourself so that you become a secure man who knows himself. You aren’t going to accomplish that by focusing on women and your own insecurities. It just doesn’t work that way.