CometLV Posted April 26, 2019 Posted April 26, 2019 (edited) Hey Loveshack. I recently asked a girl I've been getting closer to if she was up for meeting and this is how the conversation went: Me: Hey, was great seeing you the other day. The weather's great this weekend, want to go to that park you were telling me about? Her: Let's see M: Nevermind H: Sorryyy M: For? H: For you wanting to meet up with me and me not giving you a straight answer. M: Okay I've been directly flirting with her and making my interest known so all I can say is she hasn't made her made up about me or wants to let me down easy. What am I supposed to do here? Is there anything to do? Edited April 26, 2019 by CometLV
curlygirl40 Posted April 26, 2019 Posted April 26, 2019 She's just not that into you or she's playing games. Either is not good. You asked a question and she didn't give a direct answer. 'Let's see?' WTF is that? And she knows she did that because she then apologized for it later. IMO where you went wrong is saying 'nevermind' to her. You should have left it as 'Let's see' and then never brought it up again. If she then reached out to you to say 'hey, did you still want to xyz' you could have kept your dignity by saying 'oh no sorry you didn't say you wanted to so I made other plans'. She would respect you more 1
todreaminblue Posted April 26, 2019 Posted April 26, 2019 ask her to give you a straight answer yes or no the to the park with you.... life is too short to wonder.....if its no then ...you can move on ...if its yes confirm the day and time...i wish you well...deb 2
Inspire Posted April 26, 2019 Posted April 26, 2019 I read her initial response as a push off. So she apologized about not giving you a straight answer, but still never did. -smh- More telling is that she didn't reciprocate your approach. This girl is not interested ... 1
Flame Aura Posted April 26, 2019 Posted April 26, 2019 Unfortunately she's just not that into you. Don't message her again. You made yourself clear - you want to meet up. If she wants to as well she will reach out to you. If she doesn't then you have your confirmation. Either way do not contact her and start looking at other options.
Sunlight72 Posted April 26, 2019 Posted April 26, 2019 I agree with todreaminblue. OP, you can change this if you will be more assertive. First - call her on the phone. Don't set up a date through text. And don't be texting chit-chat with her either, until you two are actually a couple, meeting two or three times a week regularly. Other wise, I hate to tell you, you are just one of the guys she likes attention from. Once she gets attention from you, she doesn't have much need to see you in person (or even reply predictably, until she runs low on other friends & guys to text with for a few hours). You want more than that with her, so this is how you get it... Second - when she says 'let's see', 'let's play it by ear', 'potentially', 'maybe', be direct - laugh and say, 'no, let's see right now. Would you like to go to the park with me at 5:30 on Saturday?'. That is actually asking her out. Time, place. "The weather's great this weekend, want to go to that park you were telling me about?" is too vague. Show her you are clear, you have an objective. Then she can be in or out. She is much more likely to be in if you speak like you are already clearly in! Talk on the phone. Be direct. She will thank you by showing up. Best Wishes 4
emeraldgreen Posted April 26, 2019 Posted April 26, 2019 There's nothing you can do. Your nevermind response basically just told her you're a passive aggressive disgruntled Nice Guy all in one word. "Let's see" meant one of two things. 1. I don't want to spend time with you 2. I might kill some time with you if no other offers come along but I'm certainly not going to lock myself into it Next time you don't get any commitment, you cease all contact. If she got back in touch with an offer (she won't), tell her you made other plans (and actually made other plans). 1
preraph Posted April 26, 2019 Posted April 26, 2019 She sounds a bit crazy. Who would say "Let's see" to that, unless something followed like, "Let me check my calendar" or "let me check with my friend who I told I would do something if she still wanted to." She just sounds like someone who likes attention online. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 26, 2019 Posted April 26, 2019 What am I supposed to do here? Is there anything to do? What you are supposed to do here is calm down & not jump down her throat. 1st you picked the WORST way to communicate, via text. You lose all nonverbal communications cues which is 90% of communicating. From the cold words you don't know if she was hemming & hawing trying to think of an excuse to let you down; or if she had to check her schedule; or if she was being coy & teasing you to work for the date. You missed all that by jumping to a negative conclusion & snapping at her. Now you will be lucky if she gives you the time of day because you have proven to be impatient & impolite. Try again with an apologize for being short with her. Ask if you can call her so you can here her voice. I know that prospect freaks too many people out today but good relationships require you to let go of the device & interact directly with the other person. Since you picked a specific place (the park she had been talking about) and narrowed down the time to this weekend, there is some chance she was letting you down gently but she genuinely may have had to check her schedule; she may be waiting for a better off from somebody else or she may not trust the weather, it's supposed to be pretty iffy where I am. Either way you came on too pushy. Yes, it would be nicer if she had given you a more straightforward answer but you snippy response may have killed any chance you may have had. 2
Versacehottie Posted April 26, 2019 Posted April 26, 2019 In all honesty, i thought your "never mind" was as egregious as her "let's see". Never mind mostly definitely conveyed some insecurity, chip on your shoulder, passive-aggressive stuff whereas let's see if just vague and could be for a bunch of reasons, including that you didn't ask her out clearly enough or that she also has other plans this weekend. It was wrong IMO to take it to a negative place upon her vague answer since it will most likely push her toward not being impressed by you where even if she gives you the same answer YOU have many different options in how you react to that, and many BETTER ones--all of which could keep you in the game and be a better look for you overall. You don't want to do things that mess up your chances in and of themselves and reacting with a "never mind" does that IMO. I think the likely answer is she is not that into you but perhaps a little confidence from your end could have turned that around. good luck 2
Author CometLV Posted April 26, 2019 Author Posted April 26, 2019 Thank you all for the replies and advice. In all honesty, i thought your "never mind" was as egregious as her "let's see". Never mind mostly definitely conveyed some insecurity, chip on your shoulder, passive-aggressive stuff whereas let's see if just vague and could be for a bunch of reasons, including that you didn't ask her out clearly enough or that she also has other plans this weekend. It was wrong IMO to take it to a negative place upon her vague answer since it will most likely push her toward not being impressed by you where even if she gives you the same answer YOU have many different options in how you react to that, and many BETTER ones--all of which could keep you in the game and be a better look for you overall. You don't want to do things that mess up your chances in and of themselves and reacting with a "never mind" does that IMO. I think the likely answer is she is not that into you but perhaps a little confidence from your end could have turned that around. good luck How else was I supposed to react that could have come across more confident? Genuinely asking.
basil67 Posted April 27, 2019 Posted April 27, 2019 It sounds to me like she doesn't have a pre-planned delay strategy for while she works out how best to deal with being put on the spot to do something she doesn't want to do. As someone suggested earlier, "let me check my diary" is perfect. But she has to learn this. For bigger things, Oprah once said that her standard is "Let me pray on it". Edit: how else to react to a rejection? "No worries" works pretty well.
todreaminblue Posted April 27, 2019 Posted April 27, 2019 Thank you all for the replies and advice. How else was I supposed to react that could have come across more confident? Genuinely asking. by calling her and asking her out directly shows confidence and forthrightness....no chance then of a likely misconstrued text message.....confidence is calling and asking specifically down to day time and date then confirming the night before the date....all this shows confidence ...its a goto way to manage relationships and dates is by a personal touch ..not ...by text..deb
Versacehottie Posted April 27, 2019 Posted April 27, 2019 First of all it's in a mindset. Saying never mind is like presuming she is rejecting you, that you hear that often or just that it's about you and that she doesn't want to go. So change the mindset that let's see means let's see and has nothing to do with you or that she wants to squeeze you in or just isn't capable of being a planner, stuff like that. Don't take it personally basically. Your mindset should be "she has been flirting with me, I've got a lot to offer the right person, gotta find out if she is the right person--no big rush though--got a lot of things going on in my life/am not desperate for ANYONE". So when you approach that with your mindset as such your whole conversation and the words you choose will likely be different and more helpful to you. So in this case, I think you should have either been direct with her either in asking what she needed to sort out in order to have an answer for you, or also great would be to ask when a bouts she would have a better idea of how her weekend was playing out. Even better would be to flirt back and slightly tease her about spending time with you. You could even do it in a self-deprecating way (but that might be more advanced than you are ready for if you are asking me what you should have said--not a put down just you will get better with practice--which is what you should do!). Basically she was kinda teasing you in her answer in a way--whether it was deliberate, subconsciously or she is just generally flakey and not straightforward, sometimes the best way to get people who don't know what they want or are unclear about what they want, is to make them work for it a bit. Can't explain it well but hopefully you get what i mean. Flirt back gets her playing the game and lost in the lead up and then you might actually find yourself on the date with a person who is into you. Some people are not straightforward because in part, they don't feel things for people in a straightforward way. I'm not making excuses for her flakiness. You should play the game for your own reasons of gaining confidence and perfecting your game for this endeavor and any future ones! Practice, my friend good luck 1
Inspire Posted April 27, 2019 Posted April 27, 2019 We can debate semantics and verbiage all day but there was nothing in what she wrote that remotely said I am interested. He said, "it was great seeing you the other day" ... she had nothing for that. He mentioned getting together and she brushed him off with "let's see" .. Let's see what exactly? 1
Art.at.Heart Posted April 27, 2019 Posted April 27, 2019 In all honesty, i thought your "never mind" was as egregious as her "let's see". Never mind mostly definitely conveyed some insecurity, chip on your shoulder, passive-aggressive stuff whereas let's see if just vague and could be for a bunch of reasons, including that you didn't ask her out clearly enough or that she also has other plans this weekend. It was wrong IMO to take it to a negative place upon her vague answer since it will most likely push her toward not being impressed by you where even if she gives you the same answer YOU have many different options in how you react to that, and many BETTER ones--all of which could keep you in the game and be a better look for you overall. You don't want to do things that mess up your chances in and of themselves and reacting with a "never mind" does that IMO. I think the likely answer is she is not that into you but perhaps a little confidence from your end could have turned that around. good luck I agree with you about his response being a bit much but to get a response like that said a ton about her interest level. The hoops that OP would've had to jump through just to try and mitigate that just wouldn't be worth it, IMO. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted April 27, 2019 Posted April 27, 2019 She's not interested, OP. How you responded to her isn't really relevant. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 27, 2019 Posted April 27, 2019 How else was I supposed to react that could have come across more confident? Genuinely asking. When she said "we'll see" you could have responded along the lines of "We'll see? Aw c'mon. What's there to see about? You, me, a park, a beautiful day . . .give it a chance. What have you got to lose?" This answer pokes fun at her tepid response but gently nudges her to give a more firm answer. Again a big part of this problem was the medium: text. If you had nonverbal cues you would have had a better read on her level of interest or lack thereof. 2
guest569 Posted April 27, 2019 Posted April 27, 2019 I dunno if being pushy or whiny would work ^ While setting a specific time might have helped, I think it's time to move on. Just forget her and go about your weekend.
preraph Posted April 27, 2019 Posted April 27, 2019 I have to admit, I would not have liked that response. To say it's tepid is an understatement! She sounds like she's just playing with people online maybe. Still, if I were an awkward woman caught by surprise (not that I'd be surprised because if I'm talking to a guy, I'm figuring he'll ask me out sometimes), but if I did stumble and get caught speecheless, I'd recover the next day or later that day and say, "Sorry I was confusing. Let's do it!" 1
JuneL Posted April 27, 2019 Posted April 27, 2019 I have to admit, I would not have liked that response. To say it's tepid is an understatement! She sounds like she's just playing with people online maybe. Still, if I were an awkward woman caught by surprise (not that I'd be surprised because if I'm talking to a guy, I'm figuring he'll ask me out sometimes), but if I did stumble and get caught speecheless, I'd recover the next day or later that day and say, "Sorry I was confusing. Let's do it!" She did say sorry for being vague. So it’s not like she didn’t know her answer was not acceptable.
kendahke Posted April 27, 2019 Posted April 27, 2019 (edited) What am I supposed to do here? Is there anything to do? Stop dealing with her. Stop taking her calls and texts. You used to didn't know her. Has she always held you at bay like this when it came to talk of meeting up? Was she like this the first time you two went out? What happened during that that could be misinterpreted in any possible way? Edited April 27, 2019 by kendahke
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