Did I go on a date?

[ikonik]

I recently connected with this girl who I found on bumble. I decided to dm her on IG and never really expected anything to come out of it. She ended up replying and I eventually suggested taking the convo offline and gave her my number. To which she responded 'I'm always down to make new friends' she suggested to meet for coffee. I was pretty disappointed and kind of confused about the friends comment. But I decided to take her up on the coffee and we met yesterday. I'm still not entirely sure if it was a date or she's just looking to meet people (seems like a strange thing to join a dating app for). She said she just moved here from Europe so it could be possible. I'll likely see her again next week as she already signed up for an event I was planning to go to.

 

I think I'm just going to tell her what I want out of this is the best way to handle this. But my main question is, was our coffee a date?

[Art_Critic]

If bumble is a dating app then it was a date, one where she was non-committal in order to keep you at arms length in case she wants to friend zone you.

 

All you can do at this point is try to harvest what you have going right now and create some interest, make coffee fun and make her laugh, make it upbeat and then go from there, if you get one more friends comment then move on.

[ikonik]

If bumble is a dating app then it was a date, one where she was non-committal in order to keep you at arms length in case she wants to friend zone you.

 

All you can do at this point is try to harvest what you have going right now and create some interest, make coffee fun and make her laugh, make it upbeat and then go from there, if you get one more friends comment then move on.

 

Thanks, we met yesterday for about an hr and a half. I'd say it was pretty good, she was at times pretty touchy feely with me but it could derive from her confidence or being European, not sure. She said she already signed up for an event that I was planning to go without me even bringing it up.

[Art_Critic]

Thanks, we met yesterday for about an hr and a half. I'd say it was pretty good, she was at times pretty touchy feely with me but it could derive from her confidence or being European, not sure. She said she already signed up for an event that I was planning to go without me even bringing it up.

 

Sorry I missed that...

It sounds good, the touchy feely stuff is promising.

Make your interest known some more and make a move, ask her out on a proper evening date now and you will see where she sits.

That event isn't a date so show some self confidence and make a move.

[ikonik]

Sorry I missed that...

It sounds good, the touchy feely stuff is promising.

Make your interest known some more and make a move, ask her out on a proper evening date now and you will see where she sits.

That event isn't a date so show some self confidence and make a move.

 

I plan to ask her. I didn't expect that event to be a date since I didn't even have to bring it up.

[smackie9]

It wasn't a "date", it was a meetup. See how things go at this event. Make sure she sees you with other women. This will increase your value as a man. I know I know it's PU stuff, but it's a subtle way to stir interest and it works.

[Lotsgoingon]

Just continue to meet her and see what happens.

 

A clear date can end up feeling like a friend meetup.

 

A random meetup can end up feeling like a date. Depends on the energy.

[Gretchen12]

It's a date if you want it to be. When she said the bit about making new friends, you needed to immediately react with something that tells her you want more. It is up to you to make your intentions clear. Women may try a little in the beginning but if you still just sit back and observe, she will write you off.

[ikonik]

It's a date if you want it to be. When she said the bit about making new friends, you needed to immediately react with something that tells her you want more. It is up to you to make your intentions clear. Women may try a little in the beginning but if you still just sit back and observe, she will write you off.

 

Well I thought my intentions were clear when I told her I came across her bumble profile (which is a DATING app). However I just asked her out for a coffee date for next weekend, so there’s no more confusion what my intentions are.

[menyou]

Well I thought my intentions were clear when I told her I came across her bumble profile (which is a DATING app). However I just asked her out for a coffee date for next weekend, so there’s no more confusion what my intentions are.

 

So, what are your “clear” intentions? Because if I was her I’d be confused as hell based on this thread lol

[Art_Critic]

However I just asked her out for a coffee date for next weekend, so there’s no more confusion what my intentions are.

 

IMO after the first get together friends go on coffee dates, you should have taken her to an evening dinner somewhere then put the moves on her, your intentions is probably why she mentioned the friends to begin with.

 

How about after coffee you ask her to go somewhere else.. maybe dancing.. a bar for a few drinks or dinner ?

 

You have to show her you want to be with her on a different level than talking about stuff, friends are what is for.. you have to show her that you want her...

[JuneL]

Yeah I’m also not sure why you would ask her for a coffee date, now that you have already met once. Ask her if she’s free to do dinner instead.

[Art_Critic]

Yeah.. don't be afraid of it either, you have to come off as confident too but confident enough for her to know that removing her panties is also on your mind..

and I don't mean you have to show her you want to have sex with her but you have to let her know that is what is your intentions are...

 

It's a subtle difference between being too direct and just showing by your actions you intend one day to take her...

Being too direct will get you blocked but in the end only going to coffee will put you in the friendzone.

[kendahke]

I decided to dm her on IG and never really expected anything to come out of it. She ended up replying and I eventually suggested taking the convo offline and gave her my number. To which she responded 'I'm always down to make new friends' she suggested to meet for coffee. I was pretty disappointed and kind of confused about the friends comment.

 

What were you expecting at this point? What should she have said, considering you're a stranger she's never met in person? It sounds like you in fact did have an expectation going in if you're disappointed after not "expecting anything".

 

 

But I decided to take her up on the coffee and we met yesterday. I'm still not entirely sure if it was a date or she's just looking to meet people (seems like a strange thing to join a dating app for). She said she just moved here from Europe so it could be possible. I'll likely see her again next week as she already signed up for an event I was planning to go to.

 

I think I'm just going to tell her what I want out of this is the best way to handle this. But my main question is, was our coffee a date?

 

It wasn't a date--it was a first meeting. She wasn't attaching any labels or expectations to it like you were. It is waaaaay too soon for either of you to be considering the other as a romantic partner--you know nothing about her except what she's chosen to share on an app.

 

Rein it in.

[ikonik]

Yeah I’m also not sure why you would ask her for a coffee date, now that you have already met once. Ask her if she’s free to do dinner instead.

 

I should've mentioned I also suggested checking out a museum as another option.

[LenaRea]

So, I’m a little confused too. And maybe this was asked and answered, I’m just missing it? You initially said the confusion surrounding the tone of the meeting, date vs. friends, was because you met her on Bumble. But in actuality, you only met because she responded to an instagram dm you sent, after “coming across” her profile on Bumble. That’s not the same thing at all. Especially, given Bumble’s entire pretext is for the GIRL to reach out to the guy for initiating conversation. That’s not what happened here. (At least as far as I can tell.) You basically completely circumvented the point of the dating app she’s part of, but are trying to get the same results. IMO, you need to be over the top clear with her about what your intentions are...like, “Hey, I think you’re super cute and awesome, which is why I messaged you. I would love to take you on a proper date. What do you say?” Because, she didn’t really ask you out to begin with, you’ve done all of that hoping to convince her it was her idea based on the fact she has a Bumble profile.

 

Just take the bull by the horns and ask her out. Directly and with zero ambiguity.

[Sunlight72]

I should've mentioned I also suggested checking out a museum as another option.

I strongly second changing it to a dinner invite. Also - you plan (without telling her) at least one other place within walking distance to go after dinner if it's going well. Museum could be OK, but probably not open at night, drinks, dancing, dessert at a different place.

 

And when you're with her, You be touchy feely whether she is or not this time around, as long as she doesn't pull away. And - whisper something to her (preferably a little joke or something funny you notice, or if it feels right a compliment about something she's wearing). If you want to be more clear, res your hand gently on her shoulder or wrist for a moment while you're whispering to her.

 

Don't wonder what she wants. As of now, figure she wants to date you and eventually kiss you, and eventually more. How soon each stage is is something you'll have to feel out starting on this date - don't be pushy if she's reserved and quiet, but if she's enjoying herself then just figure she has expressed her romantic interest in you by accepting this date

 

Lastly - Do Not Ask her if she wants to 'date', 'kiss', 'hug'. She does, but if you make her say it, she will stop everything cold and say she just wants to be friends. Don't worry about why, it is just what will happen and it is much too early for any talk of dating. If you ask about a hug or a kiss her armor will go up. You just do those when you're both smiling or laughing.

 

Best Wishes,

sounds like you're in a good place with her - have fun!

[ikonik]

So, I’m a little confused too. And maybe this was asked and answered, I’m just missing it? You initially said the confusion surrounding the tone of the meeting, date vs. friends, was because you met her on Bumble. But in actuality, you only met because she responded to an instagram dm you sent, after “coming across” her profile on Bumble. That’s not the same thing at all. Especially, given Bumble’s entire pretext is for the GIRL to reach out to the guy for initiating conversation. That’s not what happened here. (At least as far as I can tell.) You basically completely circumvented the point of the dating app she’s part of, but are trying to get the same results. IMO, you need to be over the top clear with her about what your intentions are...like, “Hey, I think you’re super cute and awesome, which is why I messaged you. I would love to take you on a proper date. What do you say?” Because, she didn’t really ask you out to begin with, you’ve done all of that hoping to convince her it was her idea based on the fact she has a Bumble profile.

 

Just take the bull by the horns and ask her out. Directly and with zero ambiguity.

 

 

Yea I basically did that and went around the point of bumble, but literally all she had in her profile was her IG handle. I could be wrong but that's basically asking guys to just take the convo to IG or in some cases girls want more followers.

[LenaRea]

Yea I basically did that and went around the point of bumble, but literally all she had in her profile was her IG handle. I could be wrong but that's basically asking guys to just take the convo to IG or in some cases girls want more followers.

 

Okay. I appreciate the clarification, it’s really helpful. I can definitely see why you’d be confused as to what her interest level really is, if that’s what her profile included. She could think of herself as some kind of internet celebrity who’s just “meeting a fan,” for all you know. I still stand by the “take the bull by the horns” approach though. It’s kind of like ripping off a bandage. It sucks, it might hurt, but ultimately it feels much better!!! That way you won’t be waiting around for her to give you more clues. Personally, I prefer straight up knowing, even if I don’t like the answer.

[ikonik]

Okay. I appreciate the clarification, it’s really helpful. I can definitely see why you’d be confused as to what her interest level really is, if that’s what her profile included. She could think of herself as some kind of internet celebrity who’s just “meeting a fan,” for all you know. I still stand by the “take the bull by the horns” approach though. It’s kind of like ripping off a bandage. It sucks, it might hurt, but ultimately it feels much better!!! That way you won’t be waiting around for her to give you more clues. Personally, I prefer straight up knowing, even if I don’t like the answer.

 

I asked her out for a coffee or museum date for next weekend.

[bachdude]

Yeah, the second coffee date is a bit redundant, OP.

 

I agree, make it a real date but I don't think you have to take her to a formal dinner and I wouldn't be all touchy with her. This may sound very unromantic, but why blow $50 on a dinner date over someone you don't even know yet. Those are for women who are in a relationship with you already - not for strangers. She may blow you off after the second date.

 

I'm a big fan of 'fun' dates or activity dates in the early stages. You know, take her to a carnival. Go miniature golfing, go to a touristy town and go through the house of mirrors, walk on a board walk near the ocean (don't know where you live) and look through the shops, grab some pizza and ice cream...IDK, just go have a blast, make it fun and lighthearted.

[Foxhall]

Yeah, the second coffee date is a bit redundant, OP.

 

I agree, make it a real date but I don't think you have to take her to a formal dinner and I wouldn't be all touchy with her. This may sound very unromantic, but why blow $50 on a dinner date over someone you don't even know yet. Those are for women who are in a relationship with you already - not for strangers. She may blow you off after the second date.

 

I'm a big fan of 'fun' dates or activity dates in the early stages. You know, take her to a carnival. Go miniature golfing, go to a touristy town and go through the house of mirrors, walk on a board walk near the ocean (don't know where you live) and look through the shops, grab some pizza and ice cream...IDK, just go have a blast, make it fun and lighthearted.

 

 

I like this post, might consider your dating ideas myself!!

 

 

In reply to the first post, of course it was a date, a casual get to know you date,

 

 

Id say you are looking to move this much quicker than she is so control yourself!

Id go with Bachdudes advise though for the next step.

[ikonik]

Well she dropped the ‘friend’ comment again. This time she made an IG story about how she met me and hoped ‘it would be a new friendship’ I guess that answers my question. Kind of a weird way to tell someone you don’t want to date them imo.

[Cersei]

Yeah it was not a date sorry to say. I too have said things like "i am always up for more friends" myself when I, in no way, was interested in anything romantic. At least you no now rather than later.

[ikonik]

I’m thinking there’s still a chance she wants to be friends first