Questions about Rebound Engagement?

[akchoco14]

Hi all,

 

New poster here or at least it's been a very long time. I just got out of a relationship with someone that I've been dating for 2 years and have lived with for almost a year.

 

We separated ways at the end of January because I had some issues to work on. Luckily, I picked myself up and I'm perfectly fine and trying to move on.

 

However, I have some serious concerns as this is still someone I care about. I found out about a week ago she's engaged to someone who she has been seeing for about a month and a half. While she's not in my life and not my concern anymore, I can't help but to be worried that she's not taking the time to heal from this.

 

They just recently went on an international vacation trip together (10 day trip) because her friend told me. The general consensus is, she's really rushing things. We lived with a roommate, who was a mutual friend and the roommate really doesn't like this new guy at all. She also hasn't introduced this new fiance to any of her close friends, nor are there any public announcements.

 

I decided to brush it off, close off all social media contact and just continue healing on my own.

 

I am 33 (M) and she is 30 (F). No idea who this guy is; but she told me that he's so amazing and so much better than me. Seems like a real immature move and a wake-up call on how a person really handles her emotions when times get rough.

 

Have I dodged a bullet, or should I try to show support by telling her to slow down? I don't want anyone to get possibly taken advantage of because she's in an incredibly vulnerable state.

 

Thanks for reading and if anyone can provide some feedback I'd appreciate it.

 

P.S. I've had thoughts of reconciliation, but if someone will replace me this quick - it makes me wonder.

Edited April 25, 2019 by akchoco14

[BC1980]

No way should you contact her. Number one, it's not your business. Number two, she's an adult that can make her own decisions. You need to stay disengaged from her life.

[akchoco14]

Epic advice.

 

I've just been trusting myself and doing things for me. Been reconnecting with friends, spending more time with my family.

 

While dating is readily available to me, I plan on taking this time to fully heal so I can commit 100% to someone who deserves it.

 

Just wanted a non-bias response so I can move on with my life.

 

Thanks for the help! Love you guys

[d0nnivain]

You dodged a bullet.

 

Your EX wants to get married. She has wedding bells in her eyes. After 2 years together & living together for 1, she assumed a wedding was the next step. She wants that so bad she is willing to settle for anybody just because she feels like it's the next step.

 

She makes bad life decisions. You are best focused on your own life. Let her make whatever decisions she wants. Not your problem.

[ExpatInItaly]

Have I dodged a bullet, or should I try to show support by telling her to slow down?

 

You do nothing. Don't contact her; it's her train to wreck if she chooses. It's really not your place to give your opinion on her love life.

 

Stay No Contact.

[kendahke]

Her friends need to quit bringing what she's doing to you and you need to quit asking them to bring her information to you.

 

How she's choosing to conduct her life now is not your concern because it doesn't involve you anymore.

 

Stay in your lane.

[Lotsgoingon]

Dude, you really think an ex is going to listen to you pooh-pooh an exciting new relationship?--at least exciting the surface of things.

 

Puh-lease come back to reality.

 

And then there's this. It is completely self-destructive and self-neglecting for you to be worried about her wellbeing in dating someone else. Maybe if you heard he was an international criminal ... or maybe if her friends told you he was violent with her ... Maybe ... a big maybe ... you could say something ... but in reality, her girl friends have far more cred than you do ... and they would be saying something.

 

Your job is to quit talking to her and stop thinking about her. Why aren't YOU getting on with your life? You've got the problem here (this weird focus on her) as much as she does. Get on with your life! You got some rescue complex stuff going on ... focus on your own interest and happiness. We cannot control others, and it's not our job to weigh in on an ex.

 

Think about it ... you tell her she's rushing things ... let's say she says, "OMG, you're totally right. You're such a good man." (Totally impossible but let's go with this.) What, are you going to then review her next partner? ... Is she going to send you a schedule of her dating and you're going to approve or disapprove of the pace of things?

 

Feel the pang of jealousy that she's having so much fun. That's normal. We feel that pain or discomfort even when we didn't want to date the person. I remember when I learned my ex was engaged. I was shocked ... confused ... even though I was relieved to end our marriage.

 

I'm gonna guess that you were like this in the relationship. You probably put up with all kinds of nonsense in an effort to understand her. You probably tried to rescue her from mistreating you ... instead of just taking a stand or getting out. Stop this. Focus on your own wellbeing and move on.

[Timshel]

'They just recently went on an international vacation trip together (10 day trip) because her friend told me. The general consensus is, she's really rushing things. We lived with a roommate, who was a mutual friend and the roommate really doesn't like this new guy at all. She also hasn't introduced this new fiance to any of her close friends, nor are there any public announcements.'

 

 

*Oh, so her friend told you...ok. No public announcements though, so, maybe he's a FB.

 

 

'No idea who this guy is; but she told me that he's so amazing and so much better than me. Seems like a real immature move and a wake-up call on how a person really handles her emotions when times get rough.'

 

 

*First of all, shame on you for listening to her tell you how much better this FB is than you...smh. Second, who says stuff like this to their ex? Oh wait, someone who want to illicit the response below...

 

 

'Have I dodged a bullet, or should I try to show support by telling her to slow down? I don't want anyone to get possibly taken advantage of because she's in an incredibly vulnerable state.'

 

*It's called making you jealous so that the Lifetime movie moment of you saying no, no, you can't marry him...marry me, I love you so...I was a fool to let you go happens....lol. Scary huh.

 

 

Yes, you dodged a bullet.

[I'veseenbetterlol]

No way should you contact her. Number one, it's not your business. Number two, she's an adult that can make her own decisions. You need to stay disengaged from her life.

 

Absolutely correct! What she does is her choice and does not involve you. You may care for her, but she is free to do what she wants. Plus who cares if its a rebound engagement, that's her problem not yours.

[healing light]

You already got good advice from the other posters about avoiding being told info/not getting involved.

 

However, I'm sorry that she got engaged so quickly after the end of your 2-year relationship. I can only imagine how painful that must be, assuming that you loved/love the woman. I'm not someone who moves on quickly emotionally and so I'm not even dreaming of dating a few months after my break up. I think it's really crappy when people rush into new things, but I doubt this is the love of her life.... it will probably fizzle at some point when the rose-colored glasses come off.

 

And who knows? Maybe she rushed things in an effort to shove your nose in it, too. Her petty comment about how he's so much better than you certainly has me believing that's where her true motivations lie.... regardless, a comment like that makes her pretty cruel.