Jump to content

He downgraded his invite, is this being very rude?

girlheretoday

By girlheretoday
in Dating

 Share
While the thread author can add an update and reopen discussion, this thread was last posted in over a month ago. Want to continue the conversation? Feel free to start a new thread instead!

Recommended Posts

stillafool Established Member

stillafool

Posted
Posted
I think what really pis*** me off was the way he did things, his intentions, it was very clear.

 

It was like he thought to himself "I don't want her to go the whole weekend, but I also don't want to tell her that, so I'm just ignore it and avoid having an open conversation and just gonna give her a few crumbs (as in inviting for lunch) and hoping she ignores it too and make my life easy."

So, no, I don't make your lazy ass life easy. I want open communication and know what I can expect. That's the kind of respect I want because is the kind of respect I give.

 

You're right, we're incompatible.

 

You were right to break it off with him because you two aren't compatible. I agree with you that he probably didn't want to spend the entire trip with you probably because he wasn't feeling it for you anymore. That is why he was quick to break up and probably didn't put up a fight when you just broke up with him, did he?

  • Like 1
  • Author
girlheretoday Member

girlheretoday

Posted
  • Author
Posted
You were right to break it off with him because you two aren't compatible. I agree with you that he probably didn't want to spend the entire trip with you probably because he wasn't feeling it for you anymore. That is why he was quick to break up and probably didn't put up a fight when you just broke up with him, did he?

 

Well he wasn't happy but he didn't put up a fight either.

 

Yes I felt something wasn't right when he "downgraded" the invite. I feel relieved now.

Amethyst68 Established Member

Amethyst68

Posted
Posted

Something's telling me hrs feeling relieved right now too....

  • Like 5
Gretchen12 Established Member

Gretchen12

Posted
Posted
Something's telling me hrs feeling relieved right now too....

 

Something tells me not yet.

Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

Posted
Posted

I don't know how all of you think this is acceptable. No wonder I read headlines like "we have been married for 30 years and I had no idea my husband was a serial killer". It's like fake politeness and distance is preferable to clear communication and transparency.

 

 

If he wanted to be alone or whatever, he would be understanding of her concerns and reassured her. It could have been the conversation that brought them closer together. Instead, his response was to lie.

 

 

 

Also, if he bought a bigger tent for whatever reason besides for her, he shouldn't have told her it was for HER. That's just more BS and sweet-talking lies.

 

 

Some of you talk about long term vision. What vision? To accept lies and BS and turn a blind eye for the sake of being in a relationship? :sick::sick::sick:

 

 

Oh and men hate nagging? Well women hate being lied to and treated like c#ap.

  • Like 2
  • Author
girlheretoday Member

girlheretoday

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I don't know how all of you think this is acceptable. No wonder I read headlines like "we have been married for 30 years and I had no idea my husband was a serial killer". It's like fake politeness and distance is preferable to clear communication and transparency.

 

 

If he wanted to be alone or whatever, he would be understanding of her concerns and reassured her. It could have been the conversation that brought them closer together. Instead, his response was to lie.

 

 

 

Also, if he bought a bigger tent for whatever reason besides for her, he shouldn't have told her it was for HER. That's just more BS and sweet-talking lies.

 

 

Some of you talk about long term vision. What vision? To accept lies and BS and turn a blind eye for the sake of being in a relationship? :sick::sick::sick:

 

 

Oh and men hate nagging? Well women hate being lied to and treated like c#ap.

 

Agree, thank you.

 

It was fake politeness and BS. He knows VERY well about the previous invite and chose to ignore it.

 

We're no longer together, so he can take whoever accepts crumbs to his camping lunches when it suits him.

  • Like 1
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted
I don't know how all of you think this is acceptable. No wonder I read headlines like "we have been married for 30 years and I had no idea my husband was a serial killer". It's like fake politeness and distance is preferable to clear communication and transparency.

 

 

If he wanted to be alone or whatever, he would be understanding of her concerns and reassured her. It could have been the conversation that brought them closer together. Instead, his response was to lie.

 

 

 

Also, if he bought a bigger tent for whatever reason besides for her, he shouldn't have told her it was for HER. That's just more BS and sweet-talking lies.

 

 

Some of you talk about long term vision. What vision? To accept lies and BS and turn a blind eye for the sake of being in a relationship? :sick::sick::sick:

 

 

Oh and men hate nagging? Well women hate being lied to and treated like c#ap.

 

Thank you. Well said.

 

Just tell the truth and don't lie--is it really that hard to not resort to lying?

Kitty Tantrum Established Member

Kitty Tantrum

Posted
Posted

I skimmed a lot, so maybe I missed something, but since he DENIED the "only for lunch" bit, is there a chance that you MISINTERPRETED what he said? In other words - "lunch" was when you were supposed to ARRIVE - but not necessarily supposed to leave after?

Amethyst68 Established Member

Amethyst68

Posted
Posted

Well as a woman I can't understand the vitriol towards this man. The OP states she was dating this man, she never said he was her boyfriend or even that they were in a committed relationship. Being asked to go away for one weekend does not mean you are automatically invited the next time the person you are seeing wants to go away....

 

And all this is based on him buying a bigger tent and bring invited for lunch? I'm sorry but it was a major overreaction.

 

OP, I think you've made the right decision in splitting up, I hope you'll be happy going forward.

  • Like 2
kendahke Established Member

kendahke

Posted
Posted
I skimmed a lot, so maybe I missed something,

 

Go back and re-read what you didn't because she answered this.

Kitty Tantrum Established Member

Kitty Tantrum

Posted
Posted

I went back and I still can't find anything that clearly answers my question without hinging on the OP's use of the word "just" - and I don't know if HE phrased it that way, or if SHE is saying it that way because that's how she interpreted it. In fact, the one place it LOOKS like it's clarified, the OP says this:

 

just "for lunch".

 

So I could see this happening:

 

guy: blah blah camping come for lunch

girl: omg what why only lunch wtf???

guy: I didn't say only lunch.

girl: yes you did!

guy: well I only said for lunch but I -

girl: SEE, you admit it! omg you always [tirade starts here, argument becomes about something else entirely]

guy: [exit stage left]

  • Like 1
mortensorchid Established Member

mortensorchid

Posted
Posted

That sounds really strange that he was away for a camping trip and he wanted you only to come for lunch. Whether he was up to somethin somethin and didn't want you noticing is not really the question, it's just strange.

 

Rude? Not sure, moreso odd. But is he an odd guy to begin with?

  • Like 1
  • Author
girlheretoday Member

girlheretoday

Posted
  • Author
Posted
I went back and I still can't find anything that clearly answers my question without hinging on the OP's use of the word "just" - and I don't know if HE phrased it that way, or if SHE is saying it that way because that's how she interpreted it. In fact, the one place it LOOKS like it's clarified, the OP says this:

 

 

 

So I could see this happening:

 

guy: blah blah camping come for lunch

girl: omg what why only lunch wtf???

guy: I didn't say only lunch.

girl: yes you did!

guy: well I only said for lunch but I -

girl: SEE, you admit it! omg you always [tirade starts here, argument becomes about something else entirely]

guy: [exit stage left]

 

The exact words he used were: "I'm gonna go camping this weekend, will go on Friday evening and come back on Sunday evening, do you want to go there on Sunday for a COUPLE of hours just for lunch?"

 

So yes it was very clear the invite was just for a couple of hours just for lunch on Sunday.

 

I suggest to anyone that doesn't understand where I'm coming from, to search on Google for "avoidant attachment style traits" and "secure attachment style traits".

 

I have a secure style, that's why I like to communicate, explain, respect the other. He is an avoidant.

  • Author
girlheretoday Member

girlheretoday

Posted
  • Author
Posted
That sounds really strange that he was away for a camping trip and he wanted you only to come for lunch. Whether he was up to somethin somethin and didn't want you noticing is not really the question, it's just strange.

 

Rude? Not sure, moreso odd. But is he an odd guy to begin with?

 

Yes, he is odd. His behaviour goes to extremes. Either he is putting in a lot of effort inviting me to things and wanting me with him, or he would just push me away and give some crumbs. That has been his pattern the entire time we were together.

Kitty Tantrum Established Member

Kitty Tantrum

Posted
Posted

Oh, well - in that case, consider it a courtesy on his part that he broke up with you.

 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...