Roland Deschain Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 Hi Loveshack, This is my second post (so far) and relates directly to the first. This is probably a very hard question to answer but here goes... ...How do I start talking to girls? Is it a case of opportunity or of creating an opportunity? Or is it simply a case of being exposed to a girl enough during day-to-day life that it becomes fine to strike up a conversation without it seeming like cold-calling or creepy? Any tips?
preraph Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 You didn't say if you're in school or what. In school, if you live on campus, you meet people. If you are working, you need to find new hobbies that put you with a team, no matter what type it is. That way you see people over and over. I used to just go to music stuff of a certain type and I'd repeatedly see people until we were all familiar with each other. The important thing is to be active and not come back at me with, well, I don't like to leave my room.
d0nnivain Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 How do you talk to anybody -- your friends, your family? the other person is there. You just open your mouth & say something. the clichés are not so terrible: are you enjoying this lovely spring weather?
Author Roland Deschain Posted April 24, 2019 Author Posted April 24, 2019 Hey Preraph! Thanks for your message. I did go to University but didn't get laid once there!!! I didn't really talk to any girls or party - it was very much a matter of focusing on studies and getting good grades - which I did. I'm currently working full-time so I'm not really sure what to do, especially as I've neglected this area of my life (it's now starting to catch up on me)...
Author Roland Deschain Posted April 24, 2019 Author Posted April 24, 2019 Hey D0nnivain, You make it sound so simple, not sure that would work but hopefully I can work up the courage to try
mark clemson Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 Hey D0nnivain, You make it sound so simple, not sure that would work but hopefully I can work up the courage to try Hi, Roland - It sounds like you have difficulty overcoming the natural anxiety we all have in talking to attractive members of the opposite sex. In your other thread, Smackie mentioned IC for overcoming anxiety. If you find it difficult to even speak to women if there is some possibility of romance/sex involved, then it may be best to pursue that. Many people think of "opening lines" and you can look them up on the internet if you wish. However if you appear too anxious the opening line may not matter. For myself I think just striking up a natural conversation is best, but realize this is not easy for everyone.
preraph Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 Hey Preraph! Thanks for your message. I did go to University but didn't get laid once there!!! I didn't really talk to any girls or party - it was very much a matter of focusing on studies and getting good grades - which I did. I'm currently working full-time so I'm not really sure what to do, especially as I've neglected this area of my life (it's now starting to catch up on me)... Missed a golden opportunity, but it's never too late. You have to be willing to get out of your comfort zone, though. Everyone has to do that at some point. Maybe you should volunteer at something interesting. You'd only have to do it a couple hours a week. But do it where you'll interact with other people. Google your town and "volunteer" and see what there is. Could be something academic or the zoo or animal rescue. There's lots of people in animal rescue and you would often be around others at the shelters, at adoption events, etc. It would get you out to the dog park. People follow their dogs around there and talk to whoever their dog visits.
Lotsgoingon Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 If you can afford it, I would find a therapist ... and make this your project. Sometimes a woman therapist can be particularly good for a guy who wants to develop skills of approaching women. The therapist and you will set goals ... she'll get a sense of your life history and what the issues are that have held you back ... and week by week, you'll set a goal of saying hi to a woman ... chatting a bit ... asking questions ... You'll report on what you did ... the therapist will make some comments and suggestions and the next week, you go out again ... There isn't a quick fix to the problem you are describing. Sounds like some type of social anxiety perhaps ... But you can make huge progress with a therapist.
d0nnivain Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 If you are a good student it will help. Now you have to study human interaction. If you can afford it consider taking a class at some place like the Dale Carnegie Institute. These classes may also help you advance in your career. Management & leadership roles require interpersonal skills. Another cheaper option may be to become a member of ToastMasters, which is a group designed to help people overcome a fear of public speaking but they can also help with social anxiety. You don't have to be Mr. Smooth. Sincere & polite will be fine. 2
Foxhall Posted April 25, 2019 Posted April 25, 2019 evening adult education classes are a good ice breaker, I work teaching in this field and always observe friendships emerging between the class participants, the course you are doing will give you something easy to commence a conversation and things can progress from there, I am thinking myself of switching to the other side actually and learning Spanish ( I have a very good Mexican friend and would be great to communicate to her in Spanish) It will also provide a good opening for me to meet new people, actually excited looking forward to this I am.
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