Why is it that some guys that I would never date want me but I don’t want them?

[Oceansfun]

Like these guys aren’t my type at all, I’m not attracted to them whatsoever but they want me. And the guys that I do want and desire don’t want me- don’t want to date me-they want something better. Geez, should I just settle for something that I don’t want? I mean, if keep “passing” on guys that I don’t even like I might be single forever. And honestly I don’t want to date someone I don’t like.

[Shining One]

Can you elaborate on which guys are / are not your type? As for the guys you like wanting something better, what do you mean by that?

[central]

You don't want most men, and most men don't want you. There is a small group where you'll like each other, and some in that group may actually make for a good relationship. It's simply the age-old and difficult problem of finding someone in that small group. Don't settle or lower your standards (unless they are actually unrealistic, of course, or you just want a short fling to break the tedium of waiting and looking), but do be patient, and do keep putting yourself out there. Eventually, you will encounter one of the good ones.

[preraph]

Well, first of all, be sure if there are any that you find marginally attractive, that you at least see if you like their personality before discarding.

 

People who are always coupled up tend to be people who date those who are interested in them and have a broad range of tolerance in attraction and personality. People who stay coupled up, at least one of them, preferably both, are laid back tolerant easy going people.

 

I don't recommend settling at all. I'd have children by myself before I'd do that. I don't like feeling trapped and unhappy.

 

If you are always attracting guys who aren't your type, just as a practical matter, I would advise you to change up your appearance. Because men go mostly on physical appearance, your body, your face, but also how you dress. You're attracting the wrong type, so if I were you, I'd try a more classic dress approach as an experiment, something that appeals to most people. Nothing over the top and nothing too casual. If you look too casual, guys with no game may think you'll want them. If you dress too sexy, guys of all types will think you want them. If you dress classic and feminine (blouses instead of hoodies, skirt instead of jeans, and no athletic shoes, just for example) not too revealing but nice and put together, you might get a whole new audience. I think it would come up a notch. Now, if you are specialty, like part of a subculture like I used to be part of the music culture, then you still dress feminine but lean into that style a little, but not to the extreme because it scares men.

[Blind-Sided]

Well, first of all, be sure if there are any that you find marginally attractive, that you at least see if you like their personality before discarding. ......................

 

 

 

I agree. I've been wondering about this myself lately. So... are you just looking at them and saying "No"?? Or is it you gave it a real chance to at least talk with that person, and start to know them past superficial ideas? On the point of "Why do you attract the wrong people"... are you going to places that have people you don't like? Are you dressing in a manner that attracts the wrong guys? If you aren't a drinker... then don't go to a bar to pick up someone. If you aren't a partier... then don't go to a club. If you don't want a "Biker" kind of guy... don't wear tank tops and a Harley jacket. I realize I have no idea what you look like... but hopefully you see my point.

 

 

The reason I'm thinking about this is... I'm on the path of being single. (not my choice) But I'm older... and don't look the same as I did when I was in my 20's. And since I'm not a drinker... I know going to a bar could just be a disaster.

[thefooloftheyear]

I'll say it again....and most people eventually figure it out...

 

You don't get what you want.....you get what you deserve...

 

TFY

[stillafool]

I'll say it again....and most people eventually figure it out...

 

You don't get what you want.....you get what you deserve...

 

TFY

 

LOL, I've always heard:

 

You don't get what you want.....you get what you can get.

[alphamale]

Like these guys aren’t my type at all, I’m not attracted to them whatsoever but they want me. And the guys that I do want and desire don’t want me- don’t want to date me-they want something better. Geez, should I just settle for something that I don’t want? I mean, if keep “passing” on guys that I don’t even like I might be single forever. And honestly I don’t want to date someone I don’t like.

 

this happens to almost everyone at some point in their dating life. eventually the proper suitor will come your way. when? I can't say

[basil67]

I'm going to guess that you've sometimes been attracted to men who wouldn't consider dating you for a nanosecond. It's exactly the same thing in reverse.

[Oceansfun]

...so if I dress like a model I’m going to attract a male model?

[eleanorrigby]

LOL, I've always heard:

 

You don't get what you want.....you get what you can get.

 

I thought it was:

 

Use what you've got to get what you want.

[basil67]

...so if I dress like a model I’m going to attract a male model?

 

I guess if you're also 5'11, have the face of an angel and a BMI of about 16 you could do it. It takes a lot more than clothes.

 

Though in all seriousness, I have no idea why you'd want to date a male model.

Edited April 25, 2019 by basil67

[Springsummer]

If you dress too sexy, guys of all types will think you want them. If you dress classic and feminine (blouses instead of hoodies, skirt instead of jeans, and no athletic shoes, just for example) not too revealing but nice and put together, you might get a whole new audience. I think it would come up a notch. Now, if you are specialty, like part of a subculture like I used to be part of the music culture, then you still dress feminine but lean into that style a little, but not to the extreme because it scares men.

 

My Goodness, it is not easy to find the right clothing... I walked the malls and shop online as well, and find it extremely hard to come across anything suitable and good. I do not know, maybe usa has more options in clothing than the cold north (living in the capital city though)

[Mr. Lucky]

And honestly I don’t want to date someone I don’t like.

 

I don't think this is only in romantic relationships, most everyone has received friendly overtures from someone we have no interest in spending time with.

 

Hope you're letting these "rejects" down gently in a way that's respectful and considerate. What goes around does come around...

 

Mr. Lucky

[basil67]

My Goodness, it is not easy to find the right clothing... I walked the malls and shop online as well, and find it extremely hard to come across anything suitable and good. I do not know, maybe usa has more options in clothing than the cold north (living in the capital city though)

 

If you can't find anything in the malls, it indicates that you don't want to look the same as everyone else. Have you considered learning to sew your own clothes? Make exactly what you want in the style you want it. Fabric is quite affordable where you are too.

[chillii]

lt's very common with males and females. Trick is l guess finding it both ways.

[stillafool]

...so if I dress like a model I’m going to attract a male model?

 

I think looking like one would work better than just dressing like one.