fred123 Posted April 30, 2019 Posted April 30, 2019 Hi Versace! I totally agree with you on that...I only bring it up, not because I felt any of those things were written in stone, only to reinforce my expectation of honesty about it. And how clearly I communicated that this was my only wish. Not an expectation of a specific outcome. No one can know going in how things would feel once we met again face to face. Hell, even after one weekend there’s no way to have any idea. It’s far, far too soon in the situation to know any of that or to have real expectations out of it. My ONLY expectation was transparency and honesty. Which is the one thing I haven’t gotten. That’s why my gut feels wrenched and my disappointment is high. Would I be sad if he doesn’t feel the same, sure, of course...who wouldn’t? But I wouldn’t fault him for that at all. You can’t force something that isn’t there. Our only real agreement was to tell each other how we felt throughout, regardless of what that feeling was. That’s all. And that’s what he’s not doing. Instead it’s radio silence. Which, over time is obviously answer enough. We agreed not to waste each other’s time. And that’s what ghosting does, right? Messes with the ghostee’s time and energy. Does that make sense? question. when he made plans to come see you was it discussed before hand where he would stay?
Author LenaRea Posted May 1, 2019 Author Posted May 1, 2019 (edited) question. when he made plans to come see you was it discussed before hand where he would stay? Hi, Fred! It was discussed; he booked an apartment through AirBnB for his stay. Cheaper, nicer, and more private than a hotel. It also alleviated any stress or pressure about staying overnight together. We were both very aware of the possibility things could go the opposite of how we expected. Edited May 1, 2019 by LenaRea
curlygirl40 Posted May 2, 2019 Posted May 2, 2019 Have you heard from him? Curious if there was an update.
Author LenaRea Posted May 2, 2019 Author Posted May 2, 2019 Have you heard from him? Curious if there was an update. Hi Curlygirl! I have heard from him, roughly every other day we either text or talk briefly. To be honest, it feels like breadcrumbs and a weak attempt to try and keep me on the hook. There is still minimal banter, low flirtation, with a tone that feels much more like friends. I’ve tried multiple tactics, just to really prove to myself that I’m not misinterpreting his responses and he definitely doesn’t answer with the same energy as before. A complete 180 from the tone before our meetup. Also, no mentions of specific ideas for a next meetup. He talks about wanting to, but hasn’t tried to engage in planning for it. The other pattern I’ve picked up on is that he will only call or be available for a call from his car, such as driving to/from work. It’s made me a tad suspicious of whether an ex maybe did come back and is at his house. I don’t know that with any kind of certainty, it just seems odd. So, I’m leaning more toward just letting it go at this point. Even if there’s no ex or other girl, and assuming he is still interested, at minimum he is clearly distracted or has too much going in his “real” life to move forward. And, honestly, I think I deserve better than breadcrumbs....
Art_Critic Posted May 2, 2019 Posted May 2, 2019 Lena, you need to start not replying to any contact... Ignore the text breadcrumbs.. you spent the weekend together and you had sex.. he should be all over getting together again and isn't so let him go.. Nobody is that busy... Sorry... 2
Author LenaRea Posted May 2, 2019 Author Posted May 2, 2019 Lena, you need to start not replying to any contact... Ignore the text breadcrumbs.. you spent the weekend together and you had sex.. he should be all over getting together again and isn't so let him go.. Nobody is that busy... Sorry... That’s my conclusion, too. My gut says there’s something else at play, or information I don’t have, but the end result is the same. He’s acting weird. It doesn’t feel good. We were having fun before, had fun when we met, now it’s just off. But it’s not fun. At all! I’m not some desperate, insecure little girl who will be happy with table scraps! And I honestly don’t appreciate his attempts to turn me into one. No, I’m definitely out. All of the comments and advice are extremely appreciated!! Thank you for letting me share!!
fred123 Posted May 4, 2019 Posted May 4, 2019 Hi, Fred! It was discussed; he booked an apartment through AirBnB for his stay. Cheaper, nicer, and more private than a hotel. It also alleviated any stress or pressure about staying overnight together. We were both very aware of the possibility things could go the opposite of how we expected. did u talk beforehand about staying together or spending night with eachother? 1
Author LenaRea Posted May 4, 2019 Author Posted May 4, 2019 did u talk beforehand about staying together or spending night with eachother? Hi, Fred! We talked very openly about it. As I’ve mentioned, we’ve known each other for a long time, which provided a comfort level that (for me, anyway) is rare in the beginning stage of things and afforded the opportunity to have (what I thought) very deep, raw, honest discussion. At the same time, we are both adults and were fully aware the meet up could go several ways. So, while the intention discussed prior wasn’t to meet for sex, it was definitely discussed as a possibility should the attraction and interest in each other end up being as high as we thought. It could have just as easily turned out there was no attraction or chemistry and we simply spent the time catching up on old times, like platonic chums. This possible outcome was discussed too. We tried to discuss all potential outcomes and hold no expectations about it beforehand. The rental had room for separate sleeping arrangements, as well, because we did discuss my staying there if we had drinks. Which of course we did. So, I came prepared to stay over, just not necessarily in bed, or naked, with him. Does that help answer your question?
stillafool Posted May 4, 2019 Posted May 4, 2019 Cut to now - Over the last month, we reconnected again, this time both of us are single and very quickly the tone of the situation changed. We were more serious about seeing each other, seeing if we really are meant to be together. He, especially, made very clear he could fall for me and wants us to try to be together. Many conversations about this, especially logistically as we live 3 hours from each other. We texted nonstop, talked on the phone, FaceTime, sent each other pictures of our children and families. Really deepening our connection and opening up to to each other. You said above you guys were serious about seeing each other to see if you were really meant to be together. I don't feel he played you but apparently decided after he left that he wasn't as attracted as he was back when you were 18 and he was 27 so he cooled off. It happens. That is what dating is about to see if you feel strong enough about the person to pursue a relationship. I think this guy decided he is not. 1
Author LenaRea Posted May 4, 2019 Author Posted May 4, 2019 I don't feel he played you but apparently decided after he left that he wasn't as attracted as he was back when you were 18 and he was 27 so he cooled off. It happens... ....I think this guy decided he is not. Hi, stillafool! I think you are right. The more time removed, and the more I objectively review the situation, the more I feel there were too many built up fantasy ideas and/or unrealistic expectations, on both our parts, going into it. Despite, trying to have none. That’s really an impossible feat to manage, honestly. So, I’m learning what I can from it and moving on. The more removed I am, the more I think it was a lovely moment in time, but that’s all. And that’s fine. I’ve gotten several valuable lessons from the entire thing, start to finish, so I really can’t complain about how it’s ending. 2
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