menyou Posted April 23, 2019 Posted April 23, 2019 My boyfriend just broke up with me. Prefacing it with, “I know I am going to regret this.”. Why say that at all? Does that make him feel better about it?
SevenCity Posted April 23, 2019 Posted April 23, 2019 My boyfriend just broke up with me. Prefacing it with, “I know I am going to regret this.”. Why say that at all? Does that make him feel better about it? My ex gf said the same when she dumped me. Only thing you need to worry about is they are no longer with you. What comes out of their mouth doesn’t mean anything. If they were to regret it so much they would never have left.
Redhead14 Posted April 23, 2019 Posted April 23, 2019 I think it's more about implying he's not sure about doing it so that you think there's still a chance and, therefore, put yourself on hold waiting to see if he changes his mind. Sort of like putting you on the back burner so he can see if his new squeeze works out or if he can find another girlfriend. Block and delete his number right now. Give yourself a little time to grieve and move on but don't let him come back or contact you again. 2
mark clemson Posted April 23, 2019 Posted April 23, 2019 It implies that he still has some feelings for you. Clearly not enough to continue the relationship though. As per the advice above, suggest you not give the remark too much thought. 2
Gretchen12 Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 The only times I've said this is when I do something I enjoy but isn't exactly good for me, like digging into a tub of ice cream. So yeah, he's probably saying he's not feeling it for you, that it would make him happier to stop seeing you. But that he probably shouldn't be single forever.
preraph Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 Or he's just thinking of the lonely nights ahead if he doesn't get lucky and find a new gf soon. I wouldn't do any waiting around to find out. Just start dating other people. 1
SevenCity Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 I think it's more about implying he's not sure about doing it so that you think there's still a chance and, therefore, put yourself on hold waiting to see if he changes his mind. Sort of like putting you on the back burner so he can see if his new squeeze works out or if he can find another girlfriend. Block and delete his number right now. Give yourself a little time to grieve and move on but don't let him come back or contact you again. Good insight and advice.
Poke Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 My boyfriend just broke up with me. Prefacing it with, “I know I am going to regret this.”. Why say that at all? Does that make him feel better about it? I recently got dumped and he said I don’t mean to hurt you. Sure whatever dude, just the day before he was looking at me all lovey dovey and saying I was the best girlfriend he ever had! All you can do is move on and not torture yourself with a guy like that. Live and learn. 2
Author menyou Posted April 24, 2019 Author Posted April 24, 2019 People are so unbelievably crappy. I do NOT seek out a partner, EVER, yet these gems seem to gravitate towards me.
mortensorchid Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 This is why I have lost so much faith in humanity or ever finding The ONE. No one takes a chance and they have a lifetime of regrets behind them. 1
emeraldgreen Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 This is why I have lost so much faith in humanity or ever finding The ONE. No one takes a chance and they have a lifetime of regrets behind them. There is no the one, only the one for now. It's just that some of our nows last longer than the others. 1
TheFinalWord Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 We have limited context here... But when people break up, if it's just due to incompatibility and not abuse/cheating, they typically say things like that to not make it seem like you're a bad person. They just don't see it going anywhere. They're trying to preserve your feelings, knowing that no matter how they do it, the one that gets dumped always feels worse. I doubt he's got you on the back burner. Not everyone goes right into rebounds like that...at least not emotionally healthy people. But you should go no contact. 1
TheFinalWord Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 In terms of giving up, well that's your choice. I do think you need time after a breakup and to do some introspection to find out what they did wrong and what you did wrong. Or to see if there were red flags along the way, and to figure out why you ignored them. There isn't just one person though. There's multiple people out there that would make a good partner for you. But they're not easy to find. It's just as hard for guys, believe me. 3
Author menyou Posted April 24, 2019 Author Posted April 24, 2019 In terms of giving up, well that's your choice. I do think you need time after a breakup and to do some introspection to find out what they did wrong and what you did wrong. Or to see if there were red flags along the way, and to figure out why you ignored them. There isn't just one person though. There's multiple people out there that would make a good partner for you. But they're not easy to find. It's just as hard for guys, believe me. Red flags for sure. I have no idea why I always ignore them. I’m starting to wonder if anybody exists without them waving all around them.
Redhead14 Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 (edited) Red flags for sure. I have no idea why I always ignore them. I’m starting to wonder if anybody exists without them waving all around them. So many women feel as though they can change a man or a man will love them so much as to want to change, etc. and that they can put up with certain things. The reality is if you get into a relationship with someone who has significant things you'd want to change, it's best to just walk away. You don't want a "build-a-man". Frankenstein did that. It walked around like a man, but just wasn't quite right Edited April 24, 2019 by Redhead14 1
Foxhall Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 If you do like the person and they end the relationship, then that is hard I believe for both a rejected girl or a guy. sometimes it can be for the best if the relationship is losing spark and one party decides enough is enough, but it is a tough one if you really like the person and they end it, losing a friendship even is tough and that is nothing to do with anything sexual or romantic, I guess it is part of life though and we have to bounce back stronger and believing the right relationship is still ahead or there for us. 1
Lotsgoingon Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 (edited) His words were a lame male attempt at softening the blow of rejection. Do NOT take his words seriously. Lots of guys just get really wimpy when breaking up with someone. They will throw out all kinds of words ... the famous "it's me, not you" ... and the "you're too good for me" ... I once had a woman break up with me with the words ... "I don't see how this ends up well for you." ... Still have no idea what this meant. He broke up with you. Period. He tried in a misguided way to make the breakup less painful. What people fail to understand is that a breakup has to be painful. If it's not painful, then there was no connection in the first place. But a breakup is not a murder, so worrying about how the other person will respond isn't really necessary. People ought to just own up to breaking up and accept that the other person (if the relationship has been close) will be devastated. Edited April 24, 2019 by Lotsgoingon 1
TheFinalWord Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 I’m starting to wonder if anybody exists without them waving all around them. There is no perfect person. It depends if the person owns their $hit. If he knows that he has an anger problem, for example, is he willing to work on it? If you know you have a money problem, are you willing to work on it? A mature person will hear your concerns, recognize them, and try to work on them.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 His words were a lame male attempt at softening the blow of rejection. Do NOT take his words seriously. That's how I interpreted it, too. Don't put too much thought into those specific words, OP. He likely didn't.
Blind-Sided Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 His words were a lame male attempt at softening the blow of rejection.............. I actually find that a little offensive. It's not just men who do that. Regardless... I do agree its an attempt to soften the blow... but it's really just that person reflection on the potential of being alone. But don't take it to heart... regardless of what is said, and what the truth is... he is someone who you don't need to complicate your life.
stillafool Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 My boyfriend just broke up with me. Prefacing it with, “I know I am going to regret this.”. Why say that at all? Does that make him feel better about it? No, he was hoping it would make you feel better.
stillafool Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 His words were a lame male attempt at softening the blow of rejection. Do NOT take his words seriously. Lots of guys just get really wimpy when breaking up with someone. They will throw out all kinds of words ... the famous "it's me, not you" ... and the "you're too good for me" ... I once had a woman break up with me with the words ... "I don't see how this ends up well for you." ... Still have no idea what this meant. He broke up with you. Period. He tried in a misguided way to make the breakup less painful. What people fail to understand is that a breakup has to be painful. If it's not painful, then there was no connection in the first place. But a breakup is not a murder, so worrying about how the other person will respond isn't really necessary. People ought to just own up to breaking up and accept that the other person (if the relationship has been close) will be devastated. I totally agree with what you're saying above; but the problem is most people's egos can't handle the truth and that's why people try to soften the blow with lies.
Lotsgoingon Posted April 24, 2019 Posted April 24, 2019 I totally agree with what you're saying above; but the problem is most people's egos can't handle the truth and that's why people try to soften the blow with lies. I wonder about this ... A close friend of mine got abruptly dumped. He begged the woman for more conversation and explanation. He sent her a card or two ... he was devastated that she didn't even reply. A few years later, he was talking about this same woman ... and her going suddenly and seemingly "unfeeling." And he said something along the lines of being dumped sharply was really the best. He got a clear answer ... experienced the pain and loss. There is going to be pain no matter how you attempt to soften things ... and he moved on. Had she been wishy-washy, he would have had false hope and his agony would have been prolonged. People don't jump out the window when someone dumps them ... or else none of us would be on this planet. We hurt ... our ego suffers a blow ... and then we move on. And crazy as it seems, we get a benefit when people break up with us ... we avoid the torture of being with someone who doesn't want to be with us ... which itself is incredibly painful ... and we avoid the confusion of being with someone ... and later discovering ... that they had iffy feelings months earlier ... years earlier ... That discovery (that someone didn't want to be with us for a while) ... really hurts!
ElKay Posted April 26, 2019 Posted April 26, 2019 Only regret I had during my last breakup was having wasted time on my ex..
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