heatherbliss Posted April 22, 2019 Posted April 22, 2019 Hi TigerLily, I see you're new here so first welcome to the group. We're happy to have you share your experiences, thoughts and feelings in a safe place where you won't be judged. I know it's not been easy and I'm deeply sorry for what you're facing right now in your current relationship. It's true that your boyfriend's behavior seems unthinkable and although some of it may be caused by his depression and other mental health issues, I can see it's affecting you greatly you and that your value and worth are not being recognized. On top of that you have your dad's health to focus on and that alone be be emotionally and physically exhausting. Please be good to yourself and try to reach out to people in your life who can offer positive support. If it's becoming increasingly clear that this individual is making more withdrawals than deposits in your life, then I think you know what the best thing to do is. I'd like to share a quick article that might help you as it deals with a similar situation. I hope you'll find in it some takeaways -- https://bit.ly/2Vkn4OE. Your emotional wellbeing is very important. I'll be praying for your dad's health as well as for direction, guidance and peace in this situation. God bless!
SpecialJ Posted April 23, 2019 Posted April 23, 2019 I'm so sorry this happened. Sometimes, having an anxiety disorder can make you put up with people you shouldn't, because it feels so overwhelming and you blame yourself for their moods. You can't, nor should you have to, regulate him, his emotions, or his behavior. He sounds very controlling, and I agree with the posters who say he probably is punishing you for leaving, whether you're doing so for work or family reasons. And my guess is he's doing it because he's a big bundle of insecurity and has trauma in his past. This WILL NOT get better with him. However, after you do what you need to in regards to your parents and you can focus on yourself for a bit, I'd highly recommend either finding a therapist with experience in attachment or doing some research on the dynamics of abusive relationships and how your anxiety may trigger you to make decisions that contribute to staying in addictive roller coaster cycles or inadvertently reward unacceptable behavior (by changing your behavior to accommodate in order to reconnect to relieve your anxiety) instead of immediately leaving. If you're really trying to understand what's going on with him and how he could do something like this, reading more generally about how abusive dynamics play out and how to recognize and get away from them will be much more helpful to you than wondering what exactly caused him to flip. I'm sure you didn't do anything to cause this aside from miss some red flags in the past that may have tipped you off to his capacity for abuse. It's not your fault he treated you so horribly. You didn't deserve it or cause it. This stuff always escalates, consider yourself lucky you found out before getting engaged or having kids. And do expect he'll come back apologetic and begging at some point. Don't. Fall. For. It.
Tamfana Posted April 23, 2019 Posted April 23, 2019 Thank you. A friend is going to take my things from him tomorrow evening, but I am dumbfounded as to how this emerged from nothing. Good. Whether he's cheating or not doesn't matter. He's mean. I'm sorry it hurts and that you're going through pain already regarding your father, but I think it's best that this relationship is over. In the end, he's just mean. Life's too short for that.
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