Why do people have to use such condescending "holier than thou" inflections in their writi

[Pamela]

Come on guys, enough badgering each other. Laurynn, Tony, Candice and Co. Now just imagine how it would be if we were all in the same room face to face!

[Tony T]

Could you PLEASE tell me what the problem is??? You seem to have flipped your bic? I asked in a previous post what the problem was and am still waiting for an answer. I don't recall engaging in any badgering. Actually, I don't do that.

 

I don't think I am holier than thou, although I may be. I don't know how holy you are. If we were in the same room face to face, I would certainly give my blessings to everyone.

 

I'm going to sleep now but if you'll present your concerns in clear, concise, easy to understand form I will answer them in the morning.

 

Although I do take people's love issues very seriously, it's real hard for me to engage in petty bickering on Internet forums with total strangers I know only by the names they choose to use without advancing considerable levity. I think humor is important to the enjoyment of life.

 

Nite Nite!!! And best wishes for funny dreams!!!

[Laurynn]

Pamela....the vast majority of people in the world, and especially on this board, feel that infidelity and affairs and such are WRONG...deceitful...unfair....selfish...break up families....etc. This has nothing to do with myself or anyone else here feeling 'better' than you (or anyone else who gets there kicks by diddling married men). It's about common decency and respect: for yourself, the man's partner, etc. Married = unavailable, attached, committed, taken.

 

A large percentage of people who post on this very forum, are people who have had their lives turned upside down by infidelity......marriages destroyed by affairs.....children now in broken homes.......custody battles.......heartbreak......devastation....inability to ever 'trust' again.......the list goes on.

 

The way you prance in here and tell your tales, all so casually, about affairs with married men, having cheated before, bla bla (and others who do this).....IMO, it's extremely insensitive and in poor taste. It's almost like you wear your 'attitude about marriage/commitment/infidelity' as a badge of honor. Real people who have real hearts and real families become really devasted and really broken up by really selfish people who cheat/get involved with someone who's already taken/committed, etc.

 

Morals and self respect and respect for others will never go out of style. Basic 'right and wrong' will never go out of style either.

 

If you and the other folks who think that getting involved with married people is "fine", then perhaps you should start your own forum for "cheaters" and you can all tell your sordid tales and support each other. Just a thought. Myself, and others here, don't have a lot of sympathy for people who cross the line and get involved with someone who's married then bitch that they weren't treated well. Well, either was that person's spouse. Life sucks sometimes, but you make your bed, you have to lie in it.

 

L

[Candice]

i'm sorry if i have done anything to offend you--however i din't remember answrering any of your post. i do have a problem with laurynn, she's angry because her husband cheated on her so she feels vindicated by taking it out on anyone who even remotely reminds her of this experience in her life. this forum is for people like you and i to recieve free advice from each other ---to try and be helpful to one another. if she (laurynn) could give advice in a more constructive way i would be more than willing to try ands see her view however she is so angry that she is unable to help anyone. i don't log on to this forum to be called names. i am obviously seeking some advice or even some constructive critisiism. i will no longer respond to her post or yours if i have offended you . sorry.

Come on guys, enough badgering each other. Laurynn, Tony, Candice and Co. Now just imagine how it would be if we were all in the same room face to face!

[Laurynn]

I left and divorced my ex husband over 6 years ago. Since then, I've been in good relationships (some not so good). I have completely dealt with my marriage. It didn't end due to infidelity, it ended because I got tired of being his punching bag. So.....considering you don't know me or anything about my past, you'd be best to keep your character summaries and psychoanalyses to yourself. I am absolutely not angry...ask any "regular" person on this forum. There was nothing my responses to you that indicated any kind of superficial or deep seated anger.

 

If it makes you feel like a better person, to twist things around and *try* to take the focus off the fact that you have no respect for men who are in relationships/ their partners / think it's fine to have affairs with married men, hey..you're the one who has to look yourself in the eye, in the mirror each morning, not me. If what you were doing was so "fine" then your life would be perfect and you wouldn't be here seeking advice, correct?

 

How dare you throw in my face, the fact that I'd been married to a cheater. Does doing that somehow absolve you of your sins? I don't think so.

 

If you'd spent any time on this board at all, you'd see that a great number of people come here seeking advice, due to the fact that they found out their partners/spouses had been cheating on them. I've been here (so have many others) to try and give them some support, when their lives feel like they'd ended.....when people who'd been married for 10+ years felt like someone had shoved a knife in their heart because they found out their "loving spouse" had been loving all right...loving to roll around in the cheats with some sidedish.

 

I don't expect you to understand the pain that people who've been cheated on feel....how would you know? You've been 'the mistress'......you've obviously not been on the receiving end of being lied to, betrayed, cheated on, deceived. If you knew what it felt like to be treated this way, perhaps you wouldn't be suffering from the severe case of Cranio-Rectal Inversion Syndrome that you are.......and you'd be much less defensive, accusatory and defensive.

 

None of us here who offer advice to people do so because we have to. We are not obligated. Advice is a personal and individual thing. If you don't like the advice that myself or someone has to give, move on and deal with it. This isn't a therapy / support group. This isn't the place you turn to when you're looking to hear what you want to hear.

 

How is it really 'advice' if I simply tell you what you want to hear? It isn't. I guess the realization of this comes with age.

 

I sense that your nastiness is rooted in your unhappiness....maybe some deep seated guilt.......who knows.

 

What do you expect people here to say to you?....you flip in here, tell people you had a 5 yr long relationship with a married man..and while doing so, were boinking some OTHER guy..that other guy didn't feel secure with things, so he left you alone......now you're no longer with Mr Married guy and you've got the hots for the "previous lover"...but the guy has MOVED ON and is with someone now.....but there you are, with a few tricks up your sleeve, waiting to pounce on him......no respect or consideration for his girlfriend, the relationship he has........What is it that you want us to say to you, after reading all this? What do you want, a biscuit? A medal?

 

If you can't see how selfish and deceitful and disrespectful you're being, then neither myself or anyone here can point that out to you.

 

Luckily I believe in karma....and "what goes around, comes around"..so while you may think you're the hot seductress and you've got the world by the tail, one day you're going to fall madly in love with someone......and they're going to cheat on you....and only then will you have even a clue as to what I'm talking about.

 

As well, women like you give women in general a bad name. Maybe you're not a hooch, but your behavior is consistent with one. That's not name calling, that's an observation based on the information you've provided on this public forum. Deal with it or not.

 

L

[Tony T]

There are many ways we learn in life. You have chosen LoveShack.org as one of the avenues you will store information for possible future use.

 

Learning is selective. If we're closed-minded, we take the information that makes us feel better, that validates our own opinion or behavior, or seems to fit our situation best and toss the rest into our mental recycle bin for later emptying.

 

Rather than get into shouting matches with other posters, I am going to suggest that you listen to what they have to say. You actually invite people's uncensored opinions when you post a problem here.

 

People have buttons. I know I have mine. Some people will be more passionate about certain problems and behavior, such as adultery and cheating, and certain types of people than others.

 

Many people here who really care, including myself, get truly frustrated with those who post the same problem continuously but reject and/or debate the advice rather than just taking it into consideration.

 

Personally, I don't care for adultery or cheating. I sort of hate it. While I don't have a particular bond with or fondness for people who participate in extramarital affairs or try to steal other people's spouses, I try to condemn the behavior without slaughtering the person. However, I may think things I don't write.

 

Any person could post here until they turned purple and there's just no way I would help them to feel better about adultery or anything other behavior I felt was destructing for them and/or other innocent people.

 

There are some who write everything they think. In America, that's a freedom we have. I suppose it's the same in Canada because Laurynn is from there.

 

What I hope you will learn is you have to deal with lots of people during you life. Those people come from all types of backgrounds and experiences and they all have buttons that can be pushed. There are a few who respond with guns and knives if you push certain of their buttons. There are others more civilized.

 

Honor other's ability to express themselves. As you have indicated, you have the absolute ability to avoid the posts of certain people. That may be a good idea in your case.

 

I don't think you show yourself in the best light when you use the "F" word. It is exactly the same thing...whether we put two asterisks in the middle for the "U" and the "K" or we just spell it out. Even children know what it says. When you post vulgar language, this is behavior that is...in my opinion...mountains worse than any reply you could ever get to a post, even one with personal attacks.

 

You have called Laurynn a bxtch and other things which was totally uncalled for. That language makes people see you in a most unfavorable light. This may be the way you were taught to respond in your family of origin. If that's the case, you mom and dad were DEAD WRONG and I pray you will not teach your children this approach. I hope you will consider taking time out before you respond and using non-vulgar language and rational thought. You'll get more respect that way...and better advice as well.

 

Now, since you know there are people who are incensed by some of your posts you can avoid reading what they have to say. At times, we all get some benefit out of venting and do so in a tone that may not be palitable to others. If you don't like someone's writing style, rather than get a long and unproductive discourse going, just don't read it.

 

Obviously your curiosity gets the best of you each time because you already know whose posts are going to rub you the wrong way and you read them and argue anyway. When you do that, you have to accept responsibilty for the entire exchange.

 

Furthermore, to others who observe these exchanges, it appears that the poster who makes repeated challenges, some with profanity, and is repeately offended by others is feeling very guilty and intent on making themselves feel better by participating in the counter offensives.

 

There are a lot of people on the Internet and its growing all the time. Learn to deal with what you read and if you can't handle it, don't come back for more. That's only sanity.

 

I really hate to see this meaningless bantering going back and forth when a post just below the thread has innocently remained ignored and unanswered. I'll answer it when I get back from breakfast.

 

My prayer is that you will cool your jets and understand that people here know by your retorts that something is bothering you, perhaps something deeper than we could ever get to here. You reveal a lot by your exchanges. In my opinion, no matter what you are doing in life that may offend other people you will be a better person by listening and considering.

 

If you post with a desire for a particular answer or opinion, reveal that so others who find your behavior repulsive won't bother.

 

Become a better person by listening. It takes a great person to cease fire rather than answer what they may consider an attack. It makes the war a lot shorter with fewer casualties.

[Tony T]

I'm really confused. Is Candice and Pamela the same person, although they seem to be using different computers?

[Candice]

what are you talking about! i did not call laurynn out of her name. i know that you and lauren e-mail each, so i guess you and her have some sort of friendship going. however, the computer i am using is not limited to just me - i have roomates. i have no control over what they right on this forum i have suggested that they not stoop to her level. just because you and laurynn send each other e-mail that has made you blind-sighted -which isn't very smart. this is not the I HATE CHEATERS FURUM this is the love shack forum- and thanks for trying to explain things to me however i read before i entered and if i recall correctly you nor laurynn own it. have a nice day.

 

ps: pamela and i are not the same person.

I'm really confused. Is Candice and Pamela the same person, although they seem to be using different computers?

[Tony T]

This is the first post I have every read where I don't understand the first word. How old are you? From what country are you? How do you know who I Email? How does my post indicate I am blind sighted? When did I suggest this was the "I hate cheaters" forum? When did I suggest I own this forum?

 

Since I don't know your level of education, your knowledge of English, or your nationality, it is hard for me to communicate in ways you will understand. However, in one line my post above was merely trying to get you to understand you don't have to put yourself through hoops by readings posts from people you already know may write something you don't like. I was TRYING to do YOU a favor. Won't try that anymore!!!

 

I'm a fairly educated guy. It's really hard to deal with this and I'm not going to do it anymore. I have better things to do than to write to help you understand...and get stuff like this back that I can't even comprehend.

 

My confusion about your identity stemmed from the fact that this threat started out with a post from Pamela...and Candice seemed to intercept it right in the middle as though she had been involved from the beginning.

 

I'm not the sharpest knife in the drawer but I DO know when to quit. Right now!!!