Fey_fey Posted April 21, 2019 Posted April 21, 2019 I started seeing this guy shortly after my long-term relationship ended. We went out on a couple of dates and we ended up sleeping together twice. We have been together for about two months. I recently brought up a discussion asking when we would take this to the next level i.e a proper relationship. He said he does not want to rush into a relationship. I told him we have to stop being intimate till he fully decides which he agreed to at first. He later said it is quite difficult for him to switch up like that but he is down with whatever i want. The whole this looks like i am forcing him in to be in a relationship with me. I was just thinking of walking away from it all instead of trying to force it. Should i be patient or just walk away?
Rocker71 Posted April 21, 2019 Posted April 21, 2019 Why do you want a proper relationship so badly? Why can't you just hang out, have fun and hook up together? Why must you tie him down after only 2 months? It's a glaring red flag. If I were him I would've ghosted you. 1
bathtub-row Posted April 21, 2019 Posted April 21, 2019 If you require that a guy be with you in a committed relationship, then don’t sleep with them without some kind of understanding first. In this case, you slept with him then laid down the rules and it comes across as using sex to bargain with him. While you absolutely have the right to give or cease having sex, and the right to stay in or leave a relationship, learn to listen to a response like his and act accordingly. I agree that if I was having sex with a guy for a couple of months, I’d expect us to be exclusive. But if I brought it up and he wavered, I’d either leave the issue alone for awhile, or walk away. I wouldn’t stay in the relationship and withhold sex. It doesn’t work that way. Either stay and accept things as they are, or walk away from this.
chillii Posted April 21, 2019 Posted April 21, 2019 Yep gotta agree. l mean ya see so much of it here they all jump into to bed and then comes all this stuff. Besides , you just finished what you say was one long term thing , how long term and how ald are you, as in what stage are you at in life what do you want now. And why do you want something new so fast , you haven't even had time to figure out if this is anything anyway or get your heard and heart together again after the last one. And you haven't said anything about this new guy, l mean are there stars and butterflies and tingles , is he even what you want long term , do you guys even have any long term or marriage possibilities, do you love him ? This is alll stuff you should be asking yourself before getting involved again.
snowcones Posted April 21, 2019 Posted April 21, 2019 I think it's a good sign that he truly is interested in a relationship that he said he'd go along with whatever. He just wants the relationship to be a good one. I'd keep along the path you are going and see what happens. And yes, in the future, you should not have sex before a relationship is established.
I'veseenbetterlol Posted April 21, 2019 Posted April 21, 2019 I started seeing this guy shortly after my long-term relationship ended. We went out on a couple of dates and we ended up sleeping together twice. We have been together for about two months. I recently brought up a discussion asking when we would take this to the next level i.e a proper relationship. He said he does not want to rush into a relationship. I told him we have to stop being intimate till he fully decides which he agreed to at first. He later said it is quite difficult for him to switch up like that but he is down with whatever i want. The whole this looks like i am forcing him in to be in a relationship with me. I was just thinking of walking away from it all instead of trying to force it. Should i be patient or just walk away? I'd walk away. More then likely it'll end w/him telling you he isn't ready at all and will just disappear. He agreed not to sleep w/you to make it look like he is doing what you want. I think he is secretly hoping that you will be so desperate to hold onto him that you will start sleeping w/him again w/out any commitment. Btw any man (or woman) who really likes you, won't turn you down for a relationship esp after 2 months.
Blind-Sided Posted April 21, 2019 Posted April 21, 2019 (edited) I think this is where I differ from a lot of men. Personally, I don't like to be given an ultimatum. But, in this case I would completely understand, and it would weed out the truth. (if I was the guy dating you) With that said... it has to be a real conversation, with feeling and heart. This CAN NOT be dropped on him at the "END" of the date, when things are getting hot and heavy. (That would hurt his feelings and may get a bad reaction) Now, where I differ... I have no intentions of cheating on anyone... and even in my younger years, I wouldn't date more than one girl at a time because I feel that it takes focus to actually know if that person would be compatible. Not to mention, if you are going out with a few people at a time, then you may be "Infatuated" with someone who you know isn't really right for the long run... and in turn, kill off the relationship that would have been better. So... after 2 months... yes, you have the right to know where things are going, and ask to be exclusive. Since you obviously want things to go that direction... this will get you on the same page, and you obviously don't want to just be "Dating" for the sake of dating. But he has answered that he will try it your way (lets face it, he was being honest)... go out a few more times and see if his attitude changes. Oh... and don't take the answer of "I'm exclusive" when things are heading toward being intimate. My 2 cents, take it for what it's worth. Edited April 21, 2019 by Blind-Sided
d0nnivain Posted April 21, 2019 Posted April 21, 2019 Since he said he's open to not having sex until you decide how to define yourselves, I'd give it a bit more time. But you also need to confirm whether he's sleeping with other women while he's not sleeping with you. 1
ChatroomHero Posted April 21, 2019 Posted April 21, 2019 Look at it from his perspective...you were sleeping together without a relationship and then gave an artificial ultimatum. You were already sleeping with him and then suddenly changed the rules. He agreed to continue without sex but is not ready for the commitment. Given that you changed the game while it was in progress, I would say he held true on his part and he did not directly bail when you gave the ultimatum, so you have to take that for what it's worth. However, if he does not want a relationship yet and he already slept with you, I'd imagine in short order you won't be fitting his needs and move on. I have been in relationships where I wasn't ready. It meant either I was undecided or on the fence about her or just plain did not want the responsibilities, costs and effort of a commitment, or else I knew I wasn't ever going to want more from her than fwb. When given an ultimatum, it did not change my position so it did not last long after that. It would have been bad on my part to be less than honest about what I wanted. It's fine if you changed your mind and decided you wanted more, but I wouldn't expect him to change his mind and I wouldn't expect him to be satisfied with someone that previously slept with him not sleeping with him and simply dating. I would say if he keeps seeing you and dating you, he probably is interested in a relationship after some time. If not, he'll probably just move on. All you can do is see how it plays out, but the next date or two and his response will show you where he actually stands.
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