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Boyfriend wouldn’t sleep in same bed as me

Loveydovey101

By Loveydovey101
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Loveydovey101

Loveydovey101

Posted
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So me and my boyfriend planned our first weekend getaway. We’re always talking about how we wish we could sleep together and wake up next to each other, blah blah blah. We’ve also never gotten sexual besides making out. Anyways, the weekend comes, we have sex for the first time, it’s awesome and heart felt, then we go to sleep and after 5 minutes he gets up and goes to sleep in the other bed leaving me here all alone. I feel so abandoned, and like I’ve been looking forward to this moment for so long, and then to have it just taken away from me really sucks. I couldn’t fall asleep. I’m just so sad and angry

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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I’m so sorry, I would have been really disappointed and angry too.

 

What was his reason for leaving the bed?

Loveydovey101

Loveydovey101

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I’m so sorry, I would have been really disappointed and angry too.

 

What was his reason for leaving the bed?

 

Probably just couldn’t sleep next to me I don’t know, I’m currently sitting here not able to go to bed because of it.

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

Posted
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Probably just couldn’t sleep next to me I don’t know, I’m currently sitting here not able to go to bed because of it.

 

I feel your pain, because my boyfriend is a terrible sleeper and we have had some bad nights sleep because of it. But, on your first night together...

 

Just sending you a hug. Tell him how you feel tomorrow. See what he says...

Loveydovey101

Loveydovey101

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I feel your pain, because my boyfriend is a terrible sleeper and we have had some bad nights sleep because of it. But, on your first night together...

 

Just sending you a hug. Tell him how you feel tomorrow. See what he says...

 

Thank you :/ yeah it just sucks. I’ve been **** on so many times in the past after sex, and I finally felt safe and like it would be perfect to fall asleep together after it, and then this happens and I just feel like I was **** on again.

BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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Try not to get ahead of yourself....

 

Talk to him tomorrow, tell him how you feel.

 

It can be really easy to get all worked up, to start telling yourself things that aren’t necessarily true like the sex was bad or he doesn’t like you - try not to do that. Try to get some rest and have this discussion tomorrow.

 

My boyfriend once left my home at 4am because he couldn’t fall asleep. I was tired, and emotional, the next day. I went to his house and he held me. We had a nap together and talked about how we felt. It brought us closer. Even though I was really unhappy... so, see what he says tomorrow. Tomorrow is another day.

bathtub-row Established Member

bathtub-row

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Why don’t you just ask him why he did that?

  • Like 2
Loveydovey101

Loveydovey101

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I don’t care why. It’s our first night together, after our first time having sex together. If you really care about me, you toughen up and get through the night.

ExpatInItaly Established Member

ExpatInItaly

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I don’t care why. It’s our first night together, after our first time having sex together. If you really care about me, you toughen up and get through the night.

 

Then the fate of this relationship is sealed.

 

I understand why you are hurt, to be perfectly clear. However, if you don't want to hear him out and see what he has to say, just call it a day. Relationships cannot survive without communication.

  • Like 6
BaileyB Established Member

BaileyB

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Then the fate of this relationship is sealed.

 

If you don't want to hear him out and see what he has to say, just call it a day. Relationships cannot survive without communication.

 

Agree. You are angry right now and you have every right to be upset and angry.

 

But, unless you are willing to talk with him and hear him out, the relationship will not survive.

 

Things always look different in the light of day.

  • Like 1
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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OP, I read some of your previous threads where you said you were gay. Have you changed your mind?

smackie9 Established Member

smackie9

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Some men get so overwhelmed with emotions they need to pull back and collect their thoughts. This might be the case. But we can only assume. You need to simply have a talk about it with him. If he can't give you a respectable answer, kick him to the curb...he's broken.

  • Like 1
Kelliousme Established Member

Kelliousme

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I don’t care why. It’s our first night together, after our first time having sex together. If you really care about me, you toughen up and get through the night.

 

With this mind set you'll never have a long lasting relationship. I understand you're upset and angry, I would be too. However, sometimes you should also try to understand why certain things happen. PERHAPS he couldn't sleep because of how amazing it went? The feelings overwhelmed him and he just couldn't lay down. He can also be thinking.. since he can't sleep he doesn't want to affect your sleep so he gets up and sleeps on the other bed. You never really know unless you talk to him. Communication! If you really don't care.. then yeah, dump him.

  • Like 2
MaleIntuition Established Member

MaleIntuition

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OP, I read some of your previous threads where you said you were gay. Have you changed your mind?

 

Not sure if that’s relevant..? But I beilieve OP: Evan, is still a man...

 

I would say: Talk to him before jumping to conclusions.

kendahke Established Member

kendahke

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I don’t care why.

 

 

Your relationship is already over then.

  • Like 1
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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]I don’t care why[/b]. It’s our first night together' date=' after our first time having sex together. If you really care about me, you toughen up and get through the night.[/quote']

 

But you do care why that is why you have this thread going. To find out the actual reason he did this you will have to ask him.

  • Like 2
stillafool Established Member

stillafool

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Not sure if that’s relevant..? But I beilieve OP: Evan, is still a man...

 

I would say: Talk to him before jumping to conclusions.

 

Who is Evan? Who is OP for that matter? I'm confused.

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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You should have gone a little apeshiot when he did that and asked him WTF...

 

If I had done that to any girl in past I can guarantee you that is what would have happened to me...

I think the expectation is that he should have been in the same bed with you, IMO no different than having sex and leaving right after to go home to sleep.

 

It's okay to be hurt over this, but you need to find out what is up with that, if he can't sleep with another person now would be a good tie to find out so you can go find someone who will want to be around you.

 

Who knows.. maybe if you can discuss this with him it will all make sense and you won't feel as rejected as you feel now.

Art_Critic Established Member

Art_Critic

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Who is Evan? Who is OP for that matter? I'm confused.

 

 

Evan is part of his LS name that he is posting by Thisisevan717

 

He is also a male...

  • Like 2
preraph Established Member

preraph

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Honestly it sounds like he doesn't feel good about the relationship or possibly about being gay? Is he ashamed? Is he fully out or not? Did you have to encourage him to get him to have sex with you or does he have sex with guys regularly? I think you have the answer based on what led up to this but you may not want to face it. Maybe he is signaling he wishes he hadn't had sex or wishes he didn't want to. Maybe he is signaling the only thing he wants from you is sex and so he's not going to act lovey dovey. Nothing I can think of make this someone you should continue to pursue, however, but asking him what that was about in case it's something like he can't sleep in the same bed with someone, is worth a shot.

  • Like 1
Wallysbears Established Member

Wallysbears

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He's down to have sex...but perhaps not ready for a full fledged relationship.

 

That simple.

Edited by a LoveShack.org Moderator
language
Eternal Sunshine Established Member

Eternal Sunshine

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If this happened to me, I would get up right that second and ask him why. Then possibly kick him out of the house if we were at my house. Maybe that's why I am perma-single :)

d0nnivain Established Member

d0nnivain

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I don’t care why. It’s our first night together, after our first time having sex together. If you really care about me, you toughen up and get through the night.

 

It works both ways. If you really cared about him you would talk to him & address his need to sleep alone. Not everyone can get a good night's sleep next to another person. In the beginning of any relationship I always had a difficult time. Granted now that I'm married it's easier to sleep with DH but we had to work on that. We also struggled with different bed times. In that sense I felt abandoned so we talked about it & came up with a compromise He will come up & sit with me for 15-20 minutes then go back downstairs.

 

This tantrum you are throwing because he didn't do exactly what you wanted even though you did not discuss your expectation in advance & you refused to talk about it now is part of why your relationships are not working. You have to accommodate both people 's needs in a healthy relationship.

 

Yes it is disappointing that he didn't cuddle you all night. It looks so romantic in all the moves & romance novels but those views of relationships are fantasies. They are not real.

  • Like 4
bathtub-row Established Member

bathtub-row

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Maybe he’s trying to spare your feelings but would be truthful if you asked. Like maybe you snore really loudly, or something along those lines. By you not asking him about it, he may assume you really don’t care and/or don’t care about him.

 

Do you see how not communicating can cause serious damage? Each person starts drawing their own conclusions, and they’re often dead wrong. If you’re right - that he just wanted sex and was done with you - then him telling you that, or giving you a lame answer, will end the mystery.

  • Like 1
Blondie539 Member

Blondie539

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Some men get so overwhelmed with emotions they need to pull back and collect their thoughts. This might be the case.

 

THIS! So much this. The person I am intimate with is super loving and attentive while in the space and time of being physically together but most of the time, when we are done, we're done. I honestly thought that he just didn't have emotions connected to being with me. Recently, we didn't jump out of the bed immediately post sex. I felt a ton of emotions behind that and still thought, that's just me and I won't tell him how I felt. The day after he surprised me by sharing he felt emotions then as well.

 

May I ask are you guys really serious? I'll go back and scan the thread but how long have you guys been together?

 

I hope when you speak with him directly about this, he will open up to you and you guys can work together to ensure both of your needs are met.

 

I would be shocked if he waited to be intimate with you and then just randomly decided he didn't want to keep that connection growing. Something tells me he's just experiencing a lot of emotions, feelings and thoughts surrounding the new level you're both reaching together.

  • Like 1
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