about2giveup Posted April 20, 2019 Posted April 20, 2019 I could use some friendly advice. I have had nothing but bad luck when it comes to dating. I have had it all happen, cheated on, bullied, hit, punched and kicked, called every name in the book, you name it. Even my friend's have been bullied from an ex. Everything I thought I knew turns out to be wrong when it comes to dating. If I meet someone I end up being so nervous and afraid when it comes to the first date, thinking about past experiences. I try and stay in these relationships as long as I can before I realize I'm losing my sanity. I have tried online dating and when we talk there it goes so well. But after the first date, I'm friend zoned. I know it's due to nerves, but who can blame me for having them with all I have been through? I have been told by so many female friends (ones who are more like sisters to me, that I wouldn't date)any woman would be lucky to fall in love with me. I live in a rather large city, but just can't find anyone special. Does anyone have anything they can offer in words of wisdom? What am I doing wrong? If you're wondering if I'm normal, I am. I have a bachelors in education, but don't think it's that.
chillii Posted April 20, 2019 Posted April 20, 2019 First up , what do you mean saying you don't think that's it ? What's that got to do with anything. I dunno , how old are ya ? Anyway , same thing l personally notice with most of the guys that come on here complaining about the lack of, they just seem to chase "anyone" Anyones are a waste of time for all of us , but for you guys they're def' a waste of time. But it falls on deaf ears every time. Thing is , your obviously different in some way , so you need to hone in on somebody that's like you, someone like minded you have things in common with . And why would you be trying to make those relationships work , they're obviously not even right for you anyway. You only waste your time on somebody very very special in a relationship, anyone else is just gonna fizzle out in months and then you have another to add to the other 20 or 30 in the end, so what. Anyway.
Foxhall Posted April 20, 2019 Posted April 20, 2019 Are you divulging a lot of these "past experiences" when you go on the first dates, Normally I would think being open is a good thing and personally I need to open up more in dating situations, however you are obviously giving off some anxious vibe that is putting the ladies off, perhaps do not get so worked up about these first dates, play it cool just think of them as a casual cup of coffee, friendly get to know you as it were, keep the conversation general, and in your case, do not reveal as much about yourself or your past history.
d0nnivain Posted April 20, 2019 Posted April 20, 2019 You have to rewire your brain. Just because your past relationships were bad, doesn't mean your next relationships will be. Do not talk about past relationships with new people. When you are getting ready for the 1st date think of it as a clean slate & tell yourself this will be different. Let go of the old hangups & fears. Be flirty. Do also learn to recognize red flags & when you see them, you end things. Nobody deserves to be hit. Ask your friends if they see patterns of what you are doing wrong. It may be obvious to outsiders. Once they point it out, it will be easier for you to amend your behavior & reactions. Happy hunting.
chillii Posted April 20, 2019 Posted April 20, 2019 Actually op , your very lucky these people have given you some more detailed and very good advice here.
Rocker71 Posted April 21, 2019 Posted April 21, 2019 OP, I recommend you take some time off from dating. Take a time out of around a year or so from dating. Get some male friends and do things with them. Do you have any hobbies? What are you passionate about? Other than getting a girlfriend. The reason I recommend a year long break from dating is because you come off as desperate, low self worth and frustrated. You must develop yourself. Your inner self before you can share yourself with a woman. Also, you have to be comfortable being alone. Enjoy your own company. Women can sense desperation, frustration and low self-esteem in guys no matter how hard you try to hide it. Thats their super power. Take a year away from the dating scene and focus on you. Watch YouTube videos on subjects that you're interested in. Do research into your feelings and different issues that are at the forefront of your mind. You can do all these without the pressure of dating. Work on yourself. The women aren't going anywhere. Get some knowledge and then you'll be more prepared to date a woman.
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