kamath Posted April 19, 2019 Posted April 19, 2019 Hi guys, first time poster. Looking for an outside opinion. I'm 27 and my girlfriend's 23. When we first started going out she told me upfront that she was a bit of a flirt but that it was just flirting. I was okay with it just being flirting cause we had just started. She also wore really revealing clothes often but she said it was for herself and how she felt. I wasn't gonna control what she wore. On our first getaway she gave her number to a guy while I was getting her food. I was pissed but she said the guy was French and she just wanted to learn French. So they were texting in French. Then when I was out of town she messaged me saying her friend was in town and if it was cool to hang out with him. I was happy she asked so I told her yeah it's cool. She said he was staying at a hotel but then later she told me she is hanging out in his room but that nothing was going on and I shouldn't worry. I thought why would she tell me if she was hiding anything. The next morning she told me she stayed over cause they were drinking and she couldn't drive. Since then she regularly hangs out with her guy friends and is very open and honest about it. She reassures me nothing is going on and I know where she is going and who she's hanging out with. My friends say I shouldn't trust her cause she does things like drink with them and goes out. But she's always been open about what she's up to. But yeah most people think I'm really naive cause it's over the top. Question to you is why would she be so open about all this if she was cheating? Am I just being stupid?
TheFinalWord Posted April 19, 2019 Posted April 19, 2019 (edited) I stopped at 23. This girl is not relationship material. Not if you are looking for something serious. I can't believe you fell for "he writes me in French" ...son, you have some rose-colored glassed on. I don't mean to mock, but that's a new one. No way I would stay with someone that stayed over night in a hotel., alone, with a guy you've never met. Because she's telling you she's with them, that means nothing is going on? I don't get it. She knows if she doesn't tell you that, it will get around they were in a room together and it will look like she's hiding something. But you have no clue what's going on when she's in the hotel DRINKING to the point of not being able to drive. She doesn't read the translated text messages in French to show you what she's learning. She just tells you the most surface level fact, and leaves out all of the content. What do those text messages say? What was going on in the hotel room while she was drunk alone with a guy you've never met? Talking about how great a guy you are? Somehow I find that unlikely. If you can date her and not take her seriously (again she's 23, she isn't going to marry you), then just keep doing you, but I would also be out there doing the exact same thing. And no way would I take the relationship seriously, at all. Tell her you are with a girl, staying in a hotel overnight and drinking, but nothings happening. My guess is she won't like it... Edited April 19, 2019 by TheFinalWord 2
doyathinkso Posted April 19, 2019 Posted April 19, 2019 Am I just being stupid? Why yes. Yes you are. 1
emeraldgreen Posted April 19, 2019 Posted April 19, 2019 Total cuck moves there son. She's cheating on you in plain sight and using your permission to do it. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 19, 2019 Posted April 19, 2019 I'm a flirty girl who has been happily married for almost 11 years. There is innocent flirting & then there is what your GF is doing, which crosses too many lines. Her talking to some guy in public in French because she wants to learn French is fine. Giving him her #, that is a problem. Hanging out in public & even having a drink or 3 or more with a male buddy is also fine. Hanging out with him in his hotel room is bad. She seems to be taking every thing a step too far.
bachdude Posted April 19, 2019 Posted April 19, 2019 This woman (girl) couldn't walk the straight and narrow if her life depended on it. She's a wanderer, a gypsy soul, born to cheat. Let her ruin another man's life, not yours.
Author kamath Posted April 19, 2019 Author Posted April 19, 2019 How are you guys so sure? Then why is she so open about it with me? She even tells me where she's going or wears her outfit to show me it's revealing so I know. She also hangs out with my friends so you're saying she's cheating with them too? Lol no way they're friends I even trusted them to take her to clubbing.
d0nnivain Posted April 19, 2019 Posted April 19, 2019 I am not saying that she IS cheating. I am saying that she has very poor boundaries and she puts herself in untenable situations. Women who don't want anything to happen know to keep themselves safe & out of situations where it would easy to go to far, like a man's hotel room. 3
bachdude Posted April 19, 2019 Posted April 19, 2019 OP, come on, she spent the night in a hotel room with another man after drinking too much. You are blinded. Call me pessimistic, untrusting, or whatever, but I think anyone who behaves like that, who puts themselves in situations such as this, is bound to give in to the moment eventually. I just don't have that much faith in human nature - just don't. The odds of being cheated on, statistically, are close to 50% - look it up sometime. Not to get too personal but my first wife had an affair and looking back the red flags were everywhere. I just rationalized them away. The girl you are dating has such poor and inappropriate boundaries with men that I would say the odds of her ability to stay faithful are about ziltch. Save yourself the heartache.
kendahke Posted April 19, 2019 Posted April 19, 2019 Then why is she so open about it with me? She even tells me where she's going or wears her outfit to show me it's revealing so I know. She tells you and shows you what she wants you to know, not necessarily the truth of what is going on. If she's all that and a bag of chips and you're not here for leaving her, then you're going to have to figure out how to self soothe when she's out drinking with strange guys and your friends. There is a difference between being trusting and playing a fool. Do you honestly want any of your friends stepping in your face and saying anything to you about their having spent an evening drinking and flirting with your girlfriend? Just how exactly are you going to shut them down when they begin running her character down to you? 1
mark clemson Posted April 19, 2019 Posted April 19, 2019 Then when I was out of town she messaged me saying her friend was in town and if it was cool to hang out with him. I was happy she asked so I told her yeah it's cool. She said he was staying at a hotel but then later she told me she is hanging out in his room but that nothing was going on and I shouldn't worry. I thought why would she tell me if she was hiding anything. The next morning she told me she stayed over cause they were drinking and she couldn't drive. This is how they're reasonably sure. Notice she didn't ask permission to stay over or call you to let you know what was going on. You could have taken an Uber over to drive her home in her car. There's trust and then there's taking advantage of that trust. Agree this isn't 100% proof, but come on - it looks real suspicious. Your friends are telling you too. There's a lot of red flags here, which is why you posted. 1
smackie9 Posted April 19, 2019 Posted April 19, 2019 You are being treated as a chump so you better dump. 1
darkmoon Posted April 19, 2019 Posted April 19, 2019 she has her "orbiters", the nearly-men, they prolly all think they'll have her one day, and while she is young and pretty the world is at her feet 1
Author kamath Posted April 19, 2019 Author Posted April 19, 2019 This is how they're reasonably sure. Notice she didn't ask permission to stay over or call you to let you know what was going on. You could have taken an Uber over to drive her home in her car. There's trust and then there's taking advantage of that trust. Agree this isn't 100% proof, but come on - it looks real suspicious. Your friends are telling you too. There's a lot of red flags here, which is why you posted. But was she supposed to drive home drunk? And I was not in town. And am I supposed to just tell my friends to go away? She hangs out with them the most now. Right now she's over at my friend's and after this thread I'm all paranoid. I called her and she's good she answered. I'm trying not to be cynical about her. She told me she's having a popsicle so she couldn't talk but nothing was going on.
bachdude Posted April 19, 2019 Posted April 19, 2019 But was she supposed to drive home drunk? And I was not in town. And am I supposed to just tell my friends to go away? She hangs out with them the most now. Right now she's over at my friend's and after this thread I'm all paranoid. I called her and she's good she answered. I'm trying not to be cynical about her. She told me she's having a popsicle so she couldn't talk but nothing was going on. I don't think you have to worry about your friends, OP. I think spending a night in a hotel with another guy drinking shows no boundaries.
Author kamath Posted April 19, 2019 Author Posted April 19, 2019 (edited) She tells you and shows you what she wants you to know, not necessarily the truth of what is going on. If she's all that and a bag of chips and you're not here for leaving her, then you're going to have to figure out how to self soothe when she's out drinking with strange guys and your friends. There is a difference between being trusting and playing a fool. Do you honestly want any of your friends stepping in your face and saying anything to you about their having spent an evening drinking and flirting with your girlfriend? Just how exactly are you going to shut them down when they begin running her character down to you? My friends drink with her and hit on her a lot already lol Edited April 19, 2019 by kamath
chillii Posted April 19, 2019 Posted April 19, 2019 And you can bet she's loving it. Sorry man l dunno what your even here asking this stuff for, you need a new gf buddy a real one, sorry. Try getting out with a bunch of girls and doing all the same things, guarantee ya she'll be kickin and screamin.
Author kamath Posted April 19, 2019 Author Posted April 19, 2019 I don't think you have to worry about your friends, OP. I think spending a night in a hotel with another guy drinking shows no boundaries. But I know where she is which hotel which room etc she's just sharing a bed according to her
TheFinalWord Posted April 19, 2019 Posted April 19, 2019 Yeah, I bet she's having a Popsicle :lmao: I can't tell if this is a troll or what, but you should just show up unannounced sometime and see what's up. I just think it's really weird. Either way, I wouldn't take her too seriously.
Author kamath Posted April 19, 2019 Author Posted April 19, 2019 And you can bet she's loving it. Sorry man l dunno what your even here asking this stuff for, you need a new gf buddy a real one, sorry. Try getting out with a bunch of girls and doing all the same things, guarantee ya she'll be kickin and screamin. She's loving what?
d0nnivain Posted April 19, 2019 Posted April 19, 2019 But I know where she is which hotel which room etc she's just sharing a bed according to her Ha. A person in a committed exclusive relationship does not share a bed with a member of the opposite sex, no matter what. It's just wrong. She's loving what? She's loving all of the attention she gets from all the men who hit on her -- the French guy, her bedmate, your buddies. Do you not see how you are being played? Even if she didn't actually have sex with these other guys, she's playing a dangerous game & making you look like a fool in the process. There are ways to destroy trust in a relationship by undermining your partner without being physically unfaithful. Is this behavior something you want modeled to any hypothetical daughters you could theoretically have with this woman in the future? 1
bachdude Posted April 19, 2019 Posted April 19, 2019 But I know where she is which hotel which room etc she's just sharing a bed according to her Just sharing a bed? Hahaha They fell asleep after conjugating all those French verbs. Exhausting stuff... Guess that makes it a conjugal visit. This guy can't be for real. He's trolling....
Gretchen12 Posted April 20, 2019 Posted April 20, 2019 How would I know if she's cheating? And I don't think you are too trusting. If you actually trust her, you'd be happy and you wouldn't be posting this. You don't like what she's doing, but you pretend to her that you're ok with it. That's a form of dishonesty. If she's not the right type of girl for you, you can leave her.
preraph Posted April 20, 2019 Posted April 20, 2019 Are you secure enough and sure enough with yourself that if the worst happened, you could dust yourself off and move on to the next woman? does she ever include you in these meetings with the guys she's flirting with? Because she should. I mean if they're becoming her friends it would seem natural for them to become your friends too, but if everything seems up and up when you're around them, I see no reason for you to overreact if she occasionally sees them alone. you're a guy so you know that whether she is just innocently flirting or not and just loves the attention and validation, at least some of those guys are probably really after her like orbiters. So whatever you decide you need to make your presence known in that crowd. You need to leave no doubt that she's not single. I admire someone who can be secure enough to not try to lock up their flirty girlfriend and feels they can trust and feels if something bad happened they would just get over it and move on. I mean the bottom line is you can't stop someone from cheating if that's what they're trying to do. A person can cheat on their way to and from work. So I guess my best advice is follow up on her transparency by going along with her some of the time and certainly with each guy at least a couple of times, and if she resists that, then I would worry. but if she seems happy to have you there and isn't concerned what the guys will think she is probably just someone who's social and still you have the thing that these guys are probably crushing on her.
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