d0nnivain Posted April 17, 2019 Posted April 17, 2019 When I think of these ideas, I get a small voice in my head telling me to wait till at least the weekend when I head to the folks to visit them for Easter to contact her again (because our last proper chat on Sunday when I was with her was she wanted to see the funny old pictures of me when I was young and really over weight - multiple occasions she's brought it up). Is this my gut trying to tell me to wait and ACTUALLY give her some space before contacting again, or just wishful thinking? Whatever it is, it stops me from sending that voice message example above. Tell that small voice in your head to SHUT UP! It is leading you astray. Do not contact this woman at all any more through any means: phone, text, call, email, in person, snail mail, smoke signals. Nothing. Leave her alone. I am very serious about this. You are bordering on harassment & you may find yourself on the wrong end a restraining order if you don't stop. 2
emeraldgreen Posted April 17, 2019 Posted April 17, 2019 This is stalker territory. You're acting like a whackjob. If you ever liked the girl, set her free - from your harassment.
Author thatmanstan Posted April 17, 2019 Author Posted April 17, 2019 Yeah you're all right. To be honest, she showed more interest in me in terms of what her messages contained and how she was in person than I did with her, as well as asking me out and talking about future dates (especially when she thought I blocked her last week - I didn't), but it seems now that I showed way more interest in a way where it was overbearing and space invading, rather than what she did, which was nice and thoughtful and caring. And then I over stepped the line by persisting to message her when I realise and probably always knew was bad. Of I just went out with mates or watched TV or whatever when she didn't chat then I'd be fine (I mean I did that with previous partners and that was fine). I'm not going to contact her for a while, give it a couple of weeks, maybe 3. By then I probably won't care about wanting to see her again. By then is there any harm in contacting her if I'm curious how she's doing or whatever, with a chunk of time passed? I'm asking more as an 'what if' as I know that by then if I'm not thinking about her then I wouldn't approach her. You mention it's disrespectful to ever do what I did (which I agree with), but is it disrespectful in a few weeks time to ever ask her how she is if I'm thinking about her then or wondering how she's doing in general? Even as friendship and nothing more
Author thatmanstan Posted April 17, 2019 Author Posted April 17, 2019 leave her alone. period. for ever I hear what you are saying. But I'm more curious now, maybe I'll learn by asking this: why do people think that once a person sees you as something, that they will then see you like this forever? I mean people can change can't they. And the opinions of people can change as well. A few years ago during my second year at uni, my partner at the time broke up with me because I want smothering her like I was doing now. She ended it. A month passed and then I messaged her asking how she was doing and fancied s drink as I was in her part of the city. She said yes and then we went to date for 5 months after, much happier than we were originally believe it or not. I ended it eventually due to my final year being placement the other side of the country and it didn't feel right after giving it a go. Since then I've dated a few girls, some were nice, some wasn't, but for all of them I didn't feel a good vibe for and with them. Anyway, I just don't understand why people think everyone keeps the same opinion of the other forever. Don't get me wrong, I'm sure loads do, but I'm also sure that loads don't and that they can see that a guy has learned and changed. So why don't people think this could be like the latter instead of thinking if I even send one message in a month's time or whatever then I deserve to be locked up?
emeraldgreen Posted April 17, 2019 Posted April 17, 2019 You mention it's disrespectful to ever do what I did (which I agree with), but is it disrespectful in a few weeks time to ever ask her how she is if I'm thinking about her then or wondering how she's doing in general? Even as friendship and nothing more Maybe she can be your penpal when you're in jail. Seriously man, which part of this are you not getting? People are being completely blunt with you and you are glazing over it and asking "but what if...?". Let me be so blunt that you would have to be severely autistic not to understand: there's no universe in which you will ever be seen other than the guy who went crazy and sent a billion messages. There is no amount of time that will make all of this ok and no hope in hell that you will ever have a shot of ever having a non-creepy, two-sided conversation with this girl. She never wants to hear your name or see your face ever again. Please learn to control the weirdo urges you have to save this.
preraph Posted April 17, 2019 Posted April 17, 2019 Good lord. She doesn't WANT you. Why on earth do you think she's going to change her mind. She already knows she doesn't want you. She's never going to. Why waste your time. You need to learn to take no for an answer or you're going to end up in trouble. Any more contact is just harassment.
Author thatmanstan Posted April 17, 2019 Author Posted April 17, 2019 (edited) Good lord. She doesn't WANT you. Why on earth do you think she's going to change her mind. She already knows she doesn't want you. She's never going to. Why waste your time. You need to learn to take no for an answer or you're going to end up in trouble. Any more contact is just harassment. Why is everyone saying I'm harrasing her when in the last 4 days I only sent 6 more messages than she sent me? (And she still sent a lot). And before then she would send more messages than me. It's not like I'm going to continue blowing up her phone like I did the last four days? Edited April 17, 2019 by thatmanstan Spelling
preraph Posted April 17, 2019 Posted April 17, 2019 Why are you sending her messages at all when you know she doesn't want you? It's disrespectful.
Inspire Posted April 17, 2019 Posted April 17, 2019 She told you to back off, and you went into panic mode and made things even worse. To answer your question. First impressions matter! You need to understand that the people you meet don't have a history with you (like your ex.) and they're going to make a judgement based on that initial first impression. When two people don't know each other well or know each other romantically, it is very easy for misunderstandings to happen. 1
preraph Posted April 17, 2019 Posted April 17, 2019 She told you to stop and you didn't. You just doubled down. You can't pester a woman into loving you. You'll be lucky if she doesn't cut you completely off very soon since you totally disrespected her and didn't listen to her any more than you're listening to the good advice you're getting on here.
Marc878 Posted April 17, 2019 Posted April 17, 2019 Text pestering is very immature. As well as unnattractive. It appears you haven't learned a thing. Which means you'll go through this again.
Author thatmanstan Posted April 18, 2019 Author Posted April 18, 2019 I think I'm just confused how she could one day say she's into me and want to talk about being exclusive when we are next together just the two of us, so don't bombard her phone as it won't be good for both of us, to then go on and say the following day that it's best if we don't talk to each other for a while after only sending two messages to her in-between that time:confused:
d0nnivain Posted April 18, 2019 Posted April 18, 2019 Yes it's disrespectful to keep chasing after her when she is clearly sending you the signal to buzz off. Even waiting several weeks then asking "how are you?" is a problem. If she cared to have you in her life, you wouldn't have to ask. You would already know because she'd take the time to update you. As for change, well that takes time. By time I mean years. It takes at least 30+ days to even begin to alter behavior. For example I gave up something for Lent (40 days). I have 4 more days to go & I'm obsessed by having it again. Due to that aspect of human nature, people realize that about others. So once they get an impression of you it takes a long time, possibly years, to change that perception. Hence, we keep telling you that she's no longer interested. At this point from her perspective you are not worth the effort. The idea that you know you "only" sent her 6 more messages then she sent you is disturbing on many levels. That fact that you counted is over the top in & of itself. Try this, send her 1/2 the # of messages she sends you. When you can manage that for more then 6 months, we might believe you are trying to change. She was into you before she realized you were a Stage-5 Cling-on. The more you pester her the less attractive you become.
40somethingGuy Posted April 18, 2019 Posted April 18, 2019 Do you think she would be more attracted to someone who blows up her phone and constantly displays neediness or someone who enjoys his time with her but has a life of his own and may be seeing others (mystery). You pretty much did textbook how to turn a girl off. She send the emojis because she knows you will stroke her ego but she also knows you are a puppy to her which kills sexual attraction.
Author thatmanstan Posted April 18, 2019 Author Posted April 18, 2019 I only know the number because I went back and checked as a lot of people on here was saying I sent billions and lots, sounding like I was sending 10 back-to-backs a day. Do you think she would be more attracted to someone who blows up her phone and constantly displays neediness or someone who enjoys his time with her but has a life of his own and may be seeing others (mystery). You pretty much did textbook how to turn a girl off. She send the emojis because she knows you will stroke her ego but she also knows you are a puppy to her which kills sexual attraction. That's why I want to take a step back and then one day approach her again. 100% attraction and feeling doesn't turn off like that, especially when only a few days before she brought up the conversation of talking about being exclusive this Friday.
Inspire Posted April 22, 2019 Posted April 22, 2019 When you first meet someone things can change very quickly. When she told you that bombarding her phone wouldn't be good for the both of you, I suspect at that point that she either already had some concern over the volume of text messages or was losing interest. Either way, she doesn't seem interested in pursuing anything with you. Let it go, lick your wounds and move on.
dispatch3d Posted April 23, 2019 Posted April 23, 2019 From my perspective girls don't do the type of behaviour you just did, so they have no sympathy for you when you go off the wall. You'll have to dial this behaviour back with the next girl, this girl I say you've totally tanked your chances. FWIW I do the same thing. I really wish women would be more upfront with things are over, but they tend to do what you described, which probably exasperates the situation. Nothing you can do though, besides try to improve for next time.
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