Sunkist87 Posted April 13, 2019 Posted April 13, 2019 Do you think it is better to risk playing it too cool and too aloof when dating a woman than it is to be needy and pushing things too fast? It seems like a common complaint among women is that guys rush her, pressure her for sex, calling her too much, asking her to be the girlfriend after the 1st date, etc. I never hear women complain that men are going too slow and waiting too long for sex.
Author Sunkist87 Posted April 13, 2019 Author Posted April 13, 2019 How can it backfire if I play it too cool?
Lotsgoingon Posted April 13, 2019 Posted April 13, 2019 The problem with your question is that it presumes the stance one takes (cool vs. needy) ... is an act or routine that we put on. You want to be yourself with the person ... The goal of a relationship is to find someone who is a good fit for you, who accepts you and who inspires you to be your best self. It takes a lot of high-level social skill to be able to put on a pose of being cool and so on ... Without this skill, you can easily communicate the opposite: that you are disinterested. I was so slow at times when I was young that women would think I wasn't interested. I say be yourself ... don't worry about the neediness ... because if you are genuinely needy, you can't really hide that ... instead, you want to see how other people to respond and then tweak your style based on your own sense of what's best. Long story short: focus on finding someone you like and going out and having fun ... focus on finding someone who you feel great with ... who is attentive and is able to see your strengths. Focus on finding someone you're attracted to ... and focus on believing in yourself and feeling confident ... One way to feel confident is to be willing to talk about your passions and your interests. Putting your passions and interests out front ... comes across as confident, because you know who you are.
preraph Posted April 13, 2019 Posted April 13, 2019 How it can backfire is NOTHING ever happens and she thinks you're just scared.
Normm Posted April 14, 2019 Posted April 14, 2019 How can it backfire if I play it too cool? I listen to this radio show called "Blown Off." A person goes on a first date, they think it goes great and they really like the person. But the other person goes ghost. A week or two, or more go by and the person vanishes and doesn't respond to messages from the person being ghosted. So they call the radio station, tell them all about how great the date was and how they can't get a response from the person. So the radio station asks the person multiple times if they can think of anything they might have said or done to screw it up. The person always says "No, and I thought about it over and over". Then the radio station gets the person on the phone and sure enough, something really wacky and screwy was done by the person who was ghosted. I can recall one episode where the girl was ghosted and when they get the guy on the phone he says "I always wait 2 weeks to call after a date because I want to act cool (or whatever). He took it so far that he ignored her attempts to contact him. When the girl heard that she was no longer interested because the guy was clearly just a game player. So his little game of waiting backfired on him.
chillii Posted April 14, 2019 Posted April 14, 2019 l think playing anything is just more of the stupid games everyone seems to play and confuse each other with these days, well if forums are anything to go by anyway. The chicks are all over forums just as confused as the guys as to what he think, wtf he's doing, why hasn't he this , why does he that ? , yaknow. Depends to though , what are you asking about , a relationship kind of meeting someone , or just picking up chicks. Just picking up chicks is a bit of a teasey back and forth game anyway. But if it's someone you like , a lot , and in the view of hopefully a relationship , l'd just cut the bs, just be yourself ,let things run, that's what they do when two people meet and get crazy about each other. And that's what they're suppose to do, and it's fun , lots of fun, so why deny it and miss out on that with bs and games. You'll be trying to stay sensible at the same time and keep our brains in your head just naturally anyway , that's enough.
d0nnivain Posted April 14, 2019 Posted April 14, 2019 No I don't think "playing" it anything is ever a good idea. Being needy & clingy is unattractive so don't do that. You can express your needs & desires without being needy. Be confident & independent but warm. The middle ground is your best bet.
BaileyB Posted April 14, 2019 Posted April 14, 2019 How can it backfire if I play it too cool? She won’t know you are interested. Or, she will think you are playing games and want nothing to do with that. 1
Gretchen12 Posted April 14, 2019 Posted April 14, 2019 I never hear women complain that men are going too slow and waiting too long for sex. That's because she just moves on, forgets about him and never talks about him. 1
alphamale Posted April 14, 2019 Posted April 14, 2019 well for the first 2 or 3 months you have to play it cool. being too available makes you look like a loser.
d0nnivain Posted April 14, 2019 Posted April 14, 2019 well for the first 2 or 3 months you have to play it cool. being too available makes you look like a loser. I'm still against the "playing" business. A better idea is to get a life so you aren't readily available because you have other stuff going on.
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