Castillo Posted April 12, 2019 Posted April 12, 2019 I'd like some opinions on how to handle this. Early last year I met I former work colleague at another former work colleagues birthday party. I'll call her Abby Abby was doing her motorbike test and going to buy a motorbike and asked for my help. She would pick me up in her car and we would go to motorbike shops and test ride motorbikes. She bought one, but was too frightened to ride it home so I rode it back for her. We'd exchange messages on Whatsapp talking about bikes which she would initiate more than half the time. Then my mum fell ill and passed away after a short illness. I took time off work to look after her until she died. During this time Abby would message me from time to time asking how my mum and I was doing which was nice and she knew what I was going through as she lost her father several years ago. I felt that there could be something more to this friendship, but after my mum died I wasn't in the right place to consider dating anyone for a while. We maintained low contact during this period until Februrary when she messaged me that her motorbike had been stolen. Again she asked for my help to look for another motorbike. She picked me up again and we test rode motorbikes again. During this time it was my birthday, but I didn't tell her until after. Contact through messaging increased again and she suggested buying me dinner as a thankyou for helping her buy a new motorbike and as a belated birthday present. The date we set was 4 weeks in advance at an Italian resturant she knew. The long delay was due to me going on holday and she was not free before my holiday. Whilst I was on holiday she picked up her new motorbike and messaged me a picture of it and said she'd put me on the insurance as well so I could ride it too. Two days before our dinner I messaged her asking what time she was going to pick me up and her reply started with "Erm" then listed all the things she was doing that day followed by "I suppose I can pick you up at 7:30...I'll have to find somewhere to book" I messaged back "7:30 is good for me" I knew something wasn't right here and expected her to flake. Low and behold just before 5pm she messaged to "postpone" saying she had been suffering from asthma and migraine all day. However no new date was offerred. The following messages go like this: Me: "Ok, we can do it another time" Me: "PS hope you feel better soon. My sister & boyfriend are staying at my place so getting a takeaway with them" She didn't read my reply until lunchtime the next day to which then then responded with: Abby: "Thanks. Hope you had a nice evening. Apologies again.. Will re arrange another time :)" Me several hours later: No worries. I'm on call this week and seeing my Dad at the weekend, but I'm more free after that. I'm 49 and she's 44 and really don't expect or want this kind of behaviour at our age. I suspect that is the last I will ever hear from her. However it is possible she may contact me a week or so later. Or she could be the type that will respond 3 months later as if nothing has happened. I have no intention of contacting her as in my view the ball is in her court to contact me and re-arrange. But after this kind of behaviour do I even want to go if she offers? Thoughts please.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted April 12, 2019 Posted April 12, 2019 It is odd behavior. The only thing I can think of is she started dating someone maybe? 1
FMW Posted April 12, 2019 Posted April 12, 2019 Well my immediate thought is she met someone else and she's feeling weird about seeing you as well. Whatever the reason, she clearly isn't showing any enthusiasm about seeing you. I would not make any further contact with her, so I agree with you on that. If she pops back up, whether sooner or later, you can then respond to her (or ignore her) as you see fit at that time. Go with your gut. If you do decide to see her again keep in mind her previous behavior and don't expect too much. 1
Author Castillo Posted April 12, 2019 Author Posted April 12, 2019 Yes, that was what I was thinking too. On Whatapp you can update your status daily and Whatapp will show you who viewed your status. She updates her status daily and I've always had the sneaky suspicion this is to see who in her contacts have a high interest in her. As I result I made sure that I didn't view her status updates too frequently so that I didn't appear over keen. I didn't view her whatapp status update after the flake, but 3 days later there have been no status updates. This likely means that either she has removed me from her contacts list or specifically excluded me. I have not pursued her, she invited me and I've tried to handle her flaking with good grace that leaves my self respect intact. 1
Author Castillo Posted April 12, 2019 Author Posted April 12, 2019 Not sure if I'm being paranoid here, but another thing is yesterday I had an anonymous view of my LinkedIn profile. I have very low activity on LinkedIn and have had 3 profile views in the last 3 months including this anonymous one from yesterday with the other 2 not anonymous. I have a weird gut feeling about this.
smackie9 Posted April 12, 2019 Posted April 12, 2019 (edited) As I'm reading through all this....dude you are friend zoned right from the start. When a woman is interested she makes herself very available. I think she made sure there was enough distance, that you wouldn't get the impression of romantic interest. Whatever you thought was there, was never there...just you being hopeful. I have a gut feeling a friend told her the dinner offer looks like a date situation...so she thought better of it, and prob hoped you would forget about it. Edited April 12, 2019 by smackie9 3
Author Castillo Posted April 12, 2019 Author Posted April 12, 2019 As I'm reading through all this....dude you are friend zoned right from the start. When a woman is interested she makes herself very available. I think she made sure there was enough distance, that you wouldn't get the impression of romantic interest. Whatever you thought was there, was never there...just you being hopeful. I have a gut feeling a friend told her the dinner offer looks like a date situation...so she thought better of it, and prob hoped you would forget about it. Maybe your right. But she went to great lengths to make herself look good with full on make up and false lashes. She recently mentioned weird stuff about wanting to move nearby to where I lived. But to be completely honest whilst I thought she was attractive, I didn't *feel* anything for her. I didn't have that caveman attraction for her and was just going through the motions. I felt responding to her messages a chore and wouldn't immediately respond sometimes for more than a day. I haven't dated for a while due to some personal matters and thought I'll see where this goes and maybe going out to dinner I would start to *feel* something for her. In truth, even though I didn't have any feelings for her it stings to be rejected in this way and it is my ego that has been bruised.
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted April 12, 2019 Posted April 12, 2019 it is my ego that has been bruised. I doubt that will last long. You sound like a nice guy so if you're up for dating again, I'm sure you can find someone willing . 3
fishlips Posted April 12, 2019 Posted April 12, 2019 I know it sucks, but you seem like a nice guy and you're handling it well. I'm sure another woman will come along who will be nicer to you. I wouldn't be surprised if this woman contacts you again (when she needs help), but I probably wouldn't bother with her if/when she does.
smackie9 Posted April 12, 2019 Posted April 12, 2019 Women get gussied up for any occasion or to feel pretty just because they want to feel good. If it was me interested in you, I would have suggested going out for a bite to eat after picking up the bike...maybe even suggest going for a ride together.
Author Castillo Posted April 12, 2019 Author Posted April 12, 2019 (edited) Women get gussied up for any occasion or to feel pretty just because they want to feel good. If it was me interested in you, I would have suggested going out for a bite to eat after picking up the bike...maybe even suggest going for a ride together. You do have a lot of attitude...how old are you? I do expect people to grow up as they get older and not play immature friendzone games when they are in their 40's. That's the stuff of little girls and little boys in their teens and twenties. Life is too bloody short to be playing that crap. With regards to women get "gussied up" she had an inch and a half of grey roots showing and one of her fake lashes was coming loose during one of the times we went out test riding... She did also take me out to lunch after one of the test rides and put me on her motorbike insurance policy so that I could ride her bike as well and take her on the back. Edited April 12, 2019 by Castillo
Gretchen12 Posted April 13, 2019 Posted April 13, 2019 The dinner was set too far in advance. If I had a dinner set 4 weeks in advance, I 'd call two days before as you did but I'd give the person an easy out because things happen and people forget and make conflicting plans. I'd ask if the original day is still good or should we move it to another time. In this case especially she's taking you to dinner so you have to leave it to her. But you asked what time she's picking you up. That made it hard for her to negotiate and maybe she tried and just couldn't. Agree she did a bad thing of cancelling hours before. I understand you assume people should keep their promise, but 4 weeks... I'd be more flexible with dates set far in advance. I've bought concert tickets weeks in advances and then couldn't go. Had to throw away the ticket. I certainly did not want to throw away money. Things happen. 1
smackie9 Posted April 13, 2019 Posted April 13, 2019 You do have a lot of attitude...how old are you? I do expect people to grow up as they get older and not play immature friendzone games when they are in their 40's. That's the stuff of little girls and little boys in their teens and twenties. Life is too bloody short to be playing that crap. With regards to women get "gussied up" she had an inch and a half of grey roots showing and one of her fake lashes was coming loose during one of the times we went out test riding... She did also take me out to lunch after one of the test rides and put me on her motorbike insurance policy so that I could ride her bike as well and take her on the back. What attitude? I’m not getting ya. I’m not putting you down or calling ya some loser. I think she was kind of taking advantage of you I’m just going by what you post btw. Not sure what you are getting owly about. It’s funny that you have with held some important info. Are you trying to adjust perception to be more favourable to save face?
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