iluvatar Posted April 12, 2019 Posted April 12, 2019 I recently started seeing a girl, she is a couple of years younger than me and I am in my late 20s. We've been dating for 2 months. She is extremely sweet and we get along great, but I came across some major red flags and wanted to ask you guys what you would do in my situation. First red flag: basically she is addicted to weed, to the point of smoking 2-3 joints a day, and what is worse, she drives a car while high. When I learnt about that I said I cannot date someone this irresponsible. She said she is going to change, and limit her smoking. Which I think she did. Second major red flag: she was struggling with finding a job and money, and said that she got some heavier stuff from her ex, which she was planning on selling with the help of her friends at some party. And don't get me wrong, I use drugs recreationally, but this was too much. I communicated that to her, and supposedly she threw everything out and didn't go ahead with her plan. And said she wants to go straight when it comes to stuff like that. Third red flag: her friends group. I cannot accept them at all. They are all unemployed or underemployed, most smoke weed daily at home (her roommates too) and all accept driving under the influence. They literally plan road-trip with joint-breaks every hour for the driver... And while I have friends like that, I don't let them close enough to me to have any impact on my life, and she has ONLY friends like that. While I trust her that she wants to change, and that from the moment I talked about it, she really didn't drive wasted and limited her smoking, but all these things together make me really stressed. Which is strange, because I'm not a prude when it comes to these things, but I never did anything that irresponsible. Also a potential red flag is that she said her last boyfriend was spying on her and was extremely controlling. I know it says more about him than her, but these things don't happen in a vacuum. What do you guys thing? Especially having in mind that we met as an internet hookup with sex within first 2h of the first date. Would you guys try to verify what she says or just give up on it? I have a pretty low threshold for stress, but then again I started to really fall for her. 1
BaileyB Posted April 12, 2019 Posted April 12, 2019 If you find a red flag when you date someone, you would be wise to heed it. 1
d0nnivain Posted April 12, 2019 Posted April 12, 2019 I'm very anti drug so it's all a non-starter for me. I'd be terrified that she'd be holding when she was with me -- in my house, in my car, etc. & then I could be in trouble when she got busted. The recent US Supreme Court case notwithstanding https://www.npr.org/2019/02/20/696360090/supreme-court-limits-civil-asset-forfeiture-rules-excessive-fines-apply-to-state, asset forfeiture is a real thing & I would not want to have to defend my stuff because some random person I had known for 60 days was committing a crime in my house or car. 1
snowcones Posted April 12, 2019 Posted April 12, 2019 (edited) Run. You sound a lot like me and yes you will encounter people like this while you're dating, and there is just incompatibility that you can never explain to them. You just have to politely avoid them and find someone more compatible. Edited April 13, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator quote removed
Mrs._December Posted April 12, 2019 Posted April 12, 2019 And said she wants to go straight when it comes to stuff like that. Yeah, and I want to be a 5'7" runway model. While I trust her that she wants to change, and that from the moment I talked about it, she really didn't drive wasted and limited her smoking... She's just stopped doing it in front of YOU. Be done with this 'prize' already.
Hopeful30 Posted April 12, 2019 Posted April 12, 2019 I don't think weed is the problem here. She just sounds like she needs to get herself together and become more responsible. If you feel this way about her, it would be best to move on. She sounds like she needs to do a lot of personal growth before being ready to commit to a relationship.
FMW Posted April 12, 2019 Posted April 12, 2019 I would move along. I think you know you should as well. Pay attention to warning signs and your gut instincts. You already have your answer.
TheFinalWord Posted April 12, 2019 Posted April 12, 2019 If you can date her just for fun, and not try to make anything more than casual girl to go out with from time to time, okay. But if you think you'll catch feelings or want something long-term, I would move on. She doesn't sound like gf material to me.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 12, 2019 Posted April 12, 2019 (edited) Some big strikes against her here: 1) Immature 2) Reckless 3) Poor ability to predict the consequences of her actions 4) Shoddy judgment overall None of the above characteristics make for a great relationship candidate. The drugs are part of the problem, of course, but it's the underlying thought process and maturity level at the root of this - which very likely does leak into other areas of her life. These negative attributes probably are not limited to the choices she makes surrounding drugs. Edited April 12, 2019 by ExpatInItaly
BettyDraper Posted April 13, 2019 Posted April 13, 2019 I think you can do far better. Why would you want to be with an addict who deals drugs and surrounds herself with losers? 1
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