Ladies, how should I approach dating a girl who is also casually dating another guy?

[xxgreen20]

I met a girl my age on a fishing trip the other day that was hosted by the town I live in, and we pretty much branched off from the rest of the group during the trip. There was also a bus going to a shipyard afterwards, so we sat together on the bus and explored the shipyard on our own for about an hour and a half. Unfortunately, when we were heading back to the bus, she mentioned how she hoped the bus came on time because she had to get home for "date night." My heart sank and I said, "Oh, you have a boyfriend?" and she said she is "kind of dating" him. We kept talking on the bus ride back, and during a period of silence, she put her phone in my hands with my contact info ready to fill in. So I did this and she texted me her name with a smiley face. I figured hope isn't gone for me because I don't interpret "kind of dating" as exclusive and serious, especially given the way she was treating me. I texted her the next day and started a conversation, then eventually asked her to go for a walk in the park on Friday. She works late on Fridays, so she was unable to, but she asked for tomorrow, even though I have a full day of classes, but she said she'd come down to meet me after my classes or else leave work early on Friday if I couldn't see her Thursday. So we have a walk and a dinner planned for tomorrow, after I get out of class.

 

I initially figured I'd just see what happens tomorrow, because I did not say it was a date, but I was hoping she'd infer it. She's giving me what I think are signals too, either that or she's just extremely outgoing and friendly. She made it a point to tell me she'd either be in fancy work clothes or jeans, depending if she felt like changing, and told me I was sweet when I said she'd look great either way. She also has put smileys after every message she's sent me. There is a town picnic going on this weekend, and we both won raffles due to limited seating, and she says she would've given up her spot if I didn't win because she didn't want to go without me. She also said how excited she is for tomorrow. However, I don't know how to make sure she definitely knows this is a date, without scaring her if she is on the fence between me and him. And I don't want to have another guy pissed off at me if I am underestimating their seriousness toward each other. This can be shady territory, so do you guys think I should approach this situation before we go out, or just see what happens and approach it afterwards? And what should I say if I do?

[TheFinalWord]

She knows it's a date.

 

Try not to look so much at her words, but her actions.

 

You invited her to go on a walk, she moved her schedule around for you (you have ton of details in your post, which tells me you're probably over-analyzing), and is excited to see you.

 

She knows it's a date. And if you feel chemistry, try reaching for her hand to hold it when you are on the walk, before dinner. If she shrugs it off, or says sorry, or whatever, then you know and you don't have to keep wondering. If she doesn't accept your hand holding gesture, then I would not go out to dinner. Or if you do, go dutch. If you make a move on the walk and she rejects it, for the love of God, don't pay for her meal. lol

Edited April 10, 2019 by TheFinalWord

[xxgreen20]

She knows it's a date.

 

 

Try not to look so much at her words, but her actions.

 

You invited her to go on a walk, she moved her schedule around for you (you have ton of details in your post, which tells me you're probably over-analyzing), and is excited to see you.

 

She knows it's a date. And if you feel chemistry, try reaching for her hand to hold it. If she shrugs it off, or says sorry, or whatever, then you know and you don't have to keep wondering.

 

I figured almost 100% she knew, but it’s hard because I have met girls who talked like that to me before, and it turned out they were just super friendly. But those are girls I’d known for a while. I only met this one 2 days ago, and I doubt that a person would be so attached to someone they just met as friends. My friends say that it is my responsibility to basically ensure I don’t get attacked by this other guy for going out with her. Is there anything I can do about that, or is it really her responsibility?

Edited April 10, 2019 by xxgreen20

[Wallysbears]

She knows and she was making it obvious she was interested when she gave you the phone.

 

Don't overanalyze and don't mention the other guy at this point. Go, have a nice date and enjoy.

[TheFinalWord]

Strike while the iron's hot my man.

 

You may have waited too long to make a move on those other girls, and they friend-zoned you.

 

I think if you feel chemistry with her on the walk, go for the hand hold. Then she'll know for sure, and you'll know if she's interested romantically. When you asked about the boyfriend, she kind of explained it was nothing serious. If this other guy was anything serious or that great, she wouldn't want to see you too. She knows you're interested.

 

Go for her hand after you've walked a bit, maybe after she laughs or is clearly flirting. What have you go to lose? If you don't, you'll always wonder and if you don't, she'll probably figure you just want to be friends. If you go for it and she rejects it, then you know and you'll never see her again anyway.

[ChatroomHero]

I suspect the others knew it was a date but were not interested. If it's not clearly defined and they determine they have low interest, it's a lot easier to say they didn't think it was a date.

 

 

Don't assume anything or analyze. She proactively gave you her number. She said she was kind of dating someone, that could mean anything from she isn't seeing anyone but wanted to seem more in demand or didn't want to seem like she isn't getting dates, to she went on a date or two with a guy she has low interest in, to a guy that is after her that she allows to orbit.

 

 

You ask her out, go out, know it is a date because even if she pretends she doesn't know it's a date, she knows it's a date. It's funny how people will dwell on something like...I offered to buy her a coke and she said no...what does it mean? Does she not like me because she refused...and put so much emphasis on little meaningless things, but not accept the huge indications like when a woman TAKES your phone number without you really asking. Take it for what it is, a clear sign. You'll never have a more clear sign from a woman probably as long as you live, so accept it and go with it.

[xxgreen20]

I suspect the others knew it was a date but were not interested. If it's not clearly defined and they determine they have low interest, it's a lot easier to say they didn't think it was a date.

 

 

Don't assume anything or analyze. She proactively gave you her number. She said she was kind of dating someone, that could mean anything from she isn't seeing anyone but wanted to seem more in demand or didn't want to seem like she isn't getting dates, to she went on a date or two with a guy she has low interest in, to a guy that is after her that she allows to orbit.

 

 

You ask her out, go out, know it is a date because even if she pretends she doesn't know it's a date, she knows it's a date. It's funny how people will dwell on something like...I offered to buy her a coke and she said no...what does it mean? Does she not like me because she refused...and put so much emphasis on little meaningless things, but not accept the huge indications like when a woman TAKES your phone number without you really asking. Take it for what it is, a clear sign. You'll never have a more clear sign from a woman probably as long as you live, so accept it and go with it.

 

I know, I am awful like that lmao. It doesn't help that I have friends with zero experience who tell me the exact opposite and to "not get my hopes up."

[xxgreen20]

Well, just got home. It could've been better but could've been worse as well. We didn't hug or anything upon meeting because she had a friend with her (but the friend left after), then we walked around the museum for a while. There was some talking and some silence, but it didn't feel like hand holding would be appropriate, so we didn't touch at all till the end. At dinner we talked and bonded more than we had at the museum, and I paid for her meal and everything. Then I walked her back to the bus stop, gave her a hug and kiss on the cheek, and went on my way. I obviously will see her this weekend, and there's a possibility I will ask her out again after that, but unfortunately I didn't feel as physically attracted as I had during the trip. Hopefully spending more time with her, in a less-nervous situation, will help.

[preraph]

Maybe the second date will be more comfortable. Everyone is nervous on first dates so they don't always seen themselves.

[xxgreen20]

Maybe the second date will be more comfortable. Everyone is nervous on first dates so they don't always seen themselves.

 

Yeah, hopefully, if there is one. Things definitely improved at dinner, but I could still tell she wasn’t into me. I just feel sadness now. I texted her telling her I was hoping she made it home okay and didn’t even get a response.

Edited April 13, 2019 by xxgreen20

[smackie9]

Go for it! She wants to go out with you, she is interested. It can’t be serious with other guy. Be confident and stop making excuses...,.make your move on her. I bet she’s hoping you do. Seriously if you have a nervous vibe she’s gonna ditch you fast. Confidence wins the girl

Edited April 13, 2019 by smackie9

[xxgreen20]

Go for it! She wants to go out with you, she is interested. It can’t be serious with other guy. Be confident and stop making excuses...,.make your move on her. I bet she’s hoping you do. Seriously if you have a nervous vibe she’s gonna ditch you fast. Confidence wins the girl

 

I haven’t even heard from her since we parted ways last night. I was saying that I got the vibe she didn’t want me to make a move at all. She was walking with her arms folded a lot of the time, she sometimes inched away from me and it was that general feeling. At dinner, things got a little better (started talking more, etc), and I will have the opportunity to see her this weekend also (I would have either way) and I’ll try and ask her to go out again next week.

[smackie9]

Ya but what was your body language telling her? were you warm and friendly, casual and laid back? Were you funny, flirty, crackin jokes, gave he a compliment. Or were you being silent, a nervous nelly?

[elaine567]

My friends say that it is my responsibility to basically ensure I don’t get attacked by this other guy for going out with her. Is there anything I can do about that, or is it really her responsibility?

 

Only way to ensure that is not to go out with her again.

Nothing either you or she can do if he decides to beat the crap out of you or her...

Stealing other men's girlfriends can be a dangerous business, it all depends on the man.

The fact she gave you her number may be immaterial...

[xxgreen20]

Ya but what was your body language telling her? were you warm and friendly, casual and laid back? Were you funny, flirty, crackin jokes, gave he a compliment. Or were you being silent, a nervous nelly?

 

I'd say I was casual and a little quiet at the beginning but definitely warmed up more towards the end. However, I literally haven't talked to her since then, so I'm past the point of caring all that much really. Again, I sent her a text saying I hoped she got home safely and didnt even get a reply. Completely changed from a few days ago.

[xxgreen20]

Just thought I’d give you guys the update that she officially rejected me. We’re both going on a retreat this weekend (that I encouraged her to sign up for), and upon meeting the group to get on the road, she pulled me aside and said, “Xxgreen, I don’t know what you were thinking, but last night was not supposed to be a date. I don’t like how you were acting last night, and I communicated to you that I’m seeing someone, but you still didn’t get it.” I simply apologized and have simply been avoiding her at the retreat, but afterwards she’s toast. I have no interest in being friends, after the way she led me to believe she liked me. And she didn’t offer to be friends in the first place, so I really have no problem.

Edited April 14, 2019 by xxgreen20