Chrys31 Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 I dont know whats happening with the guys i talk online. I am aware that this is a numbers game and that they may talk to a string of women at once. Now i was talking to 4 men, at least i liked them from the photos. Guy 1: Freshly arrived to London where I live, said he came for a job. We had good convos via text no sexual innuendos, seemed interested in who i am and my life and me to his, exchanged numbers. Asked me to meet this Saturday and if I had plans. I said I dont have firm plans and he said neither does he. Single, no kids , 30 yrs old. We said we could go to a pub and that it sounds like a plan. That happened on a Tues. Thur I send him a message to ask how he is and how he is doing at his new job he said things have become busy over there. He was not forthcoming with conversation and needless to say we never met. Guy 2: Also freshly arrived to London. He is the same nationality as I am. We are talking for some weeks now and exchanged numbers. He said he enjoys our connection and he wants to meet asap. I said I feel the same and lets go best before i leave for holiday if possible. He said great. He told me he is looking for job in general and that he has found a job which may send him for 2-3 months to Coventry (2 hrs from London) and then he will come back. I said great. To be fair, since he is going away for a few months, i wont really bother but still i want to meet (if he does not bail). Early thirties, a bit older than me, single without kids. No sexual innuendos in text Guy 3: 37 years old with a kid. Single as he says. Kid lives with mum but sees him every weekend. He lives alone as he says Not married previously. Actually with this one we have agreed to meet today but for some reason I have an iffy feeling about it as he doesnt seem compared to others extremely forthcoming in conversation. However, he took time to plan the date, pick a time and place (a nice bar) and he told me he looks forward to it. No sexual innuendos in text Guy 4: Good conversation chemistry over text. He was forthcoming tho before we even meet spoke about the first date and subsequent ones. Called me without asking me first. He is single 18 months with a kid, previously engaged, also 37. He lives alone as he says. He called me without asking me after a text convo. We had a half an hr long convo talking about various things where he asked me to go out before i go holiday. The conversation flowed and he told me about one date he had, where the girl asked him to go back to her place. He said he didnt like that and we discussed casually about boundaries and stuff and I mentioned that even date 5 is a bit early to me as i need to get to know the person. We said bye etc and I sent him a msg on whats app because at times i did have bad reception whilst talking and i said sorry etc. and nice to have spoken to you over the phone. He said to you too and then i didnt hear from him again. What do you make out of these situations?? I am quite confused if I am honest here
smackie9 Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 pick the guy that will actually meet you....remember they ghost on you because they have many other options. That's what internet dating is all about.
Author Chrys31 Posted April 9, 2019 Author Posted April 9, 2019 pick the guy that will actually meet you....remember they ghost on you because they have many other options. That's what internet dating is all about. Is that the reason then?? Well i have other options too but i dont ghost on people???
kendahke Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 Is that the reason then?? Well i have other options too but i dont ghost on people??? If you're going to use the internet to find romance, this is part of what you have to deal with. You gotta stomp a lot of toads. Sometimes, people are far more invested in who they think this other person is rather than who they really are because they've had the time to spend in their heads over the person as opposed to meeting them in person for the first time and see who they actually are before deciding to invest in them. So it's easy to ghost on someone you have no concrete emotional investment in. 2
Author Chrys31 Posted April 9, 2019 Author Posted April 9, 2019 If you're going to use the internet to find romance, this is part of what you have to deal with. You gotta stomp a lot of toads. Sometimes, people are far more invested in who they think this other person is rather than who they really are because they've had the time to spend in their heads over the person as opposed to meeting them in person for the first time and see who they actually are before deciding to invest in them. So it's easy to ghost on someone you have no concrete emotional investment in. I just think case 4 is the weirdest of all.
kendahke Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 I don't #4 is available, if he even is single. What he told you and what the truth is could be at opposite ends of the universe.
Author Chrys31 Posted April 9, 2019 Author Posted April 9, 2019 I don't #4 is available, if he even is single. What he told you and what the truth is could be at opposite ends of the universe. I also thought that number 4 is not single at all, but thought that he wont pull it off with me.
smackie9 Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 Is that the reason then?? Well i have other options too but i dont ghost on people??? People are just like that. You may not but they do. The boards here are plenty full of complaints about this. 1
Grey40 Posted April 10, 2019 Posted April 10, 2019 (edited) Tons of reasons why’d they drop: —other options, girls that like better —aren’t REALLY single—either in a committed relationship still or kind of seeing someone and don’t want to get caught or feel guilty about it. —get tied up with work or other things, forget to check the app, and then kind of lose interest because it’s been too long —you said something that they consider a red flag (live too far, wait too long to hook up, too religious etc) anything that they KNOW for a fact they don’t like, but didn’t realize about you previously. Those are just some of the reasons, could probably list a dozen more. You’ll never know what the truth is. Just gotta keep moving. As a guy I try to meet up with the girls as quickly as possible. Some find it weird and strange that I don’t talk to them for a while first, but because of the reasons above, that’s exactly why I don’t invest time through a screen. They need to prove theyre actually going to meet and are interested enough for that before I waste any free time talking on and app or on the phone. Sucks to treat it that way because it sounds so calculated but it’s The only way to filter and weed out people who are just messing around on the app for ****s and giggles and have no real intentions. Edited April 10, 2019 by Grey40
Author Chrys31 Posted April 10, 2019 Author Posted April 10, 2019 Tons of reasons why’d they drop: —other options, girls that like better —aren’t REALLY single—either in a committed relationship still or kind of seeing someone and don’t want to get caught or feel guilty about it. —get tied up with work or other things, forget to check the app, and then kind of lose interest because it’s been too long —you said something that they consider a red flag (live too far, wait too long to hook up, too religious etc) anything that they KNOW for a fact they don’t like, but didn’t realize about you previously. Those are just some of the reasons, could probably list a dozen more. You’ll never know what the truth is. Just gotta keep moving. As a guy I try to meet up with the girls as quickly as possible. Some find it weird and strange that I don’t talk to them for a while first, but because of the reasons above, that’s exactly why I don’t invest time through a screen. They need to prove theyre actually going to meet and are interested enough for that before I waste any free time talking on and app or on the phone. Sucks to treat it that way because it sounds so calculated but it’s The only way to filter and weed out people who are just messing around on the app for ****s and giggles and have no real intentions. Tbh as i am looking for something serious. I really prefer to take it slow like 5-6 date is good in my opinion to have some action. As you know a bot better the person and of course you gotta see if there is sexual chemistry to go further. I am more inclined to believe that these who drop arent really single and they realise that they wont pull it off at least with me. Now in the case of not putting out quickly enough...then if they drop off for that fine . I dodged a bullet anyway. Now yesterday i went on the date with number 3. He insisted to get me a cab home which i found very gentlemanly. The cab would be late to arrive but the bus stop was near the pub so i thanked him for that but it was 5 mins anyway to home. So he asked if i had a good night and i said i enjoyed a lot which was true. He asked me if i want to go out again with him i said sure of course i would love to meet again and he said that i dont sound too confident about it. I said that i really had a great night and i made sure i wrote that on text too that i would love to meet again and i thanked him for the good time. He and i talked about places we could go next time. On text, he said he wished i went into the cab. I again thanked him but anyway the bus came rhere and then. So he repeated on text he had a good night and speak soon with a kissing emoji. For some reason im not too hopeful about it because first of all. The kid lives with his mum. He told me that he is single 8.months now and the last relationship was with his baby mama, but they are over two years now. I asked him if he is sure he is really over because at the end of the day he is tied with her for the kid and 8 months isnt really a long time anyway. He said he is really over and they talk strictly for the kid and if he wouldn't have to talk he wouldn't. I found that a bit exaggerated tbh. I told him the only reason i am asking is because this is online and a lot of people may lie about stuff. He said he wouldn't lie as he had this experience before being lied too from online so he wouldn't do it. He also told me his baby mama is not a good mum and selfish. I take this all with a pinch of salt tbh. Another thing that striked me, is that this guy with guy number 4 had extreme similarities. They told me the same things about their life, same area same situation they both told me they gonna move, both kids the same age, also same chatlines. If this isnt a diabolical coincidence, i would think that these two are related. So lets see what happens in general. I will keep moving anyway
smackie9 Posted April 10, 2019 Posted April 10, 2019 My advice is to say away from people who let you know how much they absolutely hate, mistrust, criticize, or can't be civil with their ex. Sometimes that leads to them not trusting you, or the ex causes trouble in your relationship, or their feud is still on going etc. That's baggage to avoid.
Author Chrys31 Posted April 10, 2019 Author Posted April 10, 2019 My advice is to say away from people who let you know how much they absolutely hate, mistrust, criticize, or can't be civil with their ex. Sometimes that leads to them not trusting you, or the ex causes trouble in your relationship, or their feud is still on going etc. That's baggage to avoid. ye the truth is, i smelled a little baby mama drama
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