I need an ear can someone listen?

[georgiagirl76]

Hi everyone- I am wishing you all well with your pain. I am 29 years old and on day 11 of No Contact with my ex. You can read my story ( Iknow it is long but it really is worth it in order to understand anyway) on the breaking up post. I am at another low point today and I am feeling very lonely. I have done positive things since the "breakup/I need space". I have painted my dining room and done some deep cleaining. I am involved in a community theatre show so I have rehearsals a couple nights a week.

 

I am not close to any of my family members. I just don't have that bond and it isn't going to come after these years. I tried many times and through much therapy but I have finally accepted (believe me my friends and everyone agrees it just isn't going to happen) that I just don't have a family. I have spent a couple of holidays alone and managed to make it through.

 

This break up is extremely hard right now because I was close to his brothers and parents. I celebrated mother's day and father's day with them. His mother emailed me and told me to contact her any time and that she didn't want me to feel like I coudln't keep in touch with her. She also said that with time he may come back or worst case scenario we will be good friends.

 

I just need any other suggestions as to how to cope. I get frightened sometimes because I feel like I have lost a lot. My friends have been supportive and I have a great career- I just finished law school.

 

Sometimes it hits me all over again and I cry hard (when no ones looking) as if my soul is bleeding. I know that it is normal to have a yo-yo time but sometimes I feel lost all over again. I guess it is just nice to be able to pour my heart out to others who are feeling the same way. I try to stay strong and work on me and continue to find a way to be healthy alone but it still seems raw. Any- comments here or on my other post would be soo appreciated andI promise to read yourpost and do the same

[JS17]

hi georgiagirl

 

You need to cut yourself some slack, you got out of a relationship 11 days ago! Give yourself some time to heal, there are loads of people here going through the same thing. It's great that you've been able to stick to NC, you'd be surprised how many people have trouble with that so you're already one step ahead.

 

It's going to take time for you to stop feeling lonely. I went through something similar in the beginning of the year and one of the hardest parts was losing all of the friends and family that I built a relationship with. It's differen't at our age (I'm 28) than when we were younger because there is more potential for long term relationships and you build a stronger bond with their families and friends. This was hardly my first breakup but the familial relationships, amongst other things, made it one of the most difficult at first.

 

Have a pity party. Lean on your friends. You legally have another week to eat ice cream 24/7 so enjoy it. Keep crying and getting all of the toxins of the relationship out. Next week, get your butt to the gym all the time to work off that ice cream and release those endorphins. You'll probably feel like a whole new person in another 6 weeks if you keep up with the NC.

 

Good Luck GG

[dougal19]

hi i know how u feel when u lose someone close to u, i mean as in relationship and i am not close to any of my family as like u i have no bond with them at all, same with my friends but the way i deal with it is to keep my mind forcused on something else, obviously not all the time cos like u said it will come back and smack u in the face and bring u back down, but i try to say positive, i have made to realistic goals so i am trying to hard to achieve them, yeah i think about my ex all the time and it hurts, but i have to stay positive for me being on my own and not having anyone, but what i am thinking of doing is joining a gym, not only to get fit but also meet her people and plus when i feel down i can go to the gym and work out and chat to people, take my mind of it, just think about it!

[georgiagirl76]

Thanks guys

I know that it has only been 11 days so I should still feel bad. I had one other break up where I didn't stick to no contact-- I was weak and called him. It wasn't until I stopped calling him (about 2 months) that he came back. We saw each other a couple of times but I realized that he just wanted sex and it ended up not being the same. He still calls me now! lol. So I suppose I learned my lesson- and being older does help. I think that when you are young it seems like the end of the world and that you were going to get married etc. But I am older and know that the sun will shine again- the problem with being older is that-well we really were going to get married. I just like to vent a lot and I think this site is going to be good for that. I still hope that after some time he will come back- afterall he still has my housekey and some stuff. If you get a chance to read my other posts I would like your opinion on the specific scenario. You guys are awesome.

[JS17]

The sooner you REALLY accept that it's over and let him go in your mind the easier a time you will have.

 

It takes 8 weeks to break a habit (a la your 2 month returnin ex) and that is all he is now.

 

P.S. I was going to marry mine too and I'm soo glad it didn't work out. I can't imagine having to spend the rest of my life with that d!ckwad. You'll see the sunshine again

[In Sync]

georgiagirl76

First I want to say that you are not alone in this and most of us on this website have been through what you are experiencing. I can offer a few suggestions which I hope can be of help.

 

Let's start with accepting all your feelings. Accept the fact that you are feeling lonely. There is nothing wrong with feeling that especially at this stage. It is a natural feeling after having been with someone you were close to. Accept all your feelings and emotions, honour them. Its a sign that you are healing and not bottling them up. Cry when you can, if privately is best or on a friendly shoulder.

It's good to be busy doing your rehearsals are working, although it feels like a conscious effort, know that you are coping and not falling apart that you can't do anything...you are going on with your life.

I recently started doing this when I became sad and remininicing...and crying because I felt lonely.

A good friend suggested to make a list of 30 things I like about myself. That's right. ALL YOUR WONDERFUL QUALITIES. For example, write. I like my eyes. or I like my creativity...keep writing each one down. Even if you love your toes write that. And everyday concentrate of that part about you and say to yourself..I LOVE MY NOSE. Whenever you feel sad repeat it again.and again! I have a wonderful nose.. Its beautiful and I can smell flowers or wiggle it. It's cute. The trick here is to say it to yourself with real conviction and passion. Truly mean it as you say it.

Because remember you are still a beautiful person who deserves love and start all over by loving yourself..and you'll feel good and that will take away the 'I don't have someone feeling'...when in fact you have YOU! And don't forget that.

[sanne]

what i've found to be the best way to stop thinking about the ex is to just go out with friends and socialize. this includes hanging out with people of the opposite sex. you have to let your mind release the ex, and the best way to do so is to surround yourself with lots of people.

[georgiagirl76]

Thanks to all of your comments. I was having a low day. I feel much better now and on track. OH and not that it matters but the ex I mentioned that returned after 2 months of no contact was not the one I am dealing with now. I was just using that as an example of how I think I have learned from previous mistakes. I know that it will hit me again but I hope as I get farther away from it it will get easier. I just hope he comes and gets his things and leaves the key when I am gone now. I feel like seeing him would only open a fresh wound. Thanks again for the support I needed it today.