notthatintome Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 I have a history of going out with narcissistic men who have physically abused me. I started seeing someone new for about 3 months. He seemed ok and things seemed to be going well - he was calling me everyday, we hung out alot and he seemed to really like me. I gave him lots of space and people commented that he seemed to be more into me than i was with him. I did like him though but it is still early days and I am scared about getting hurt. Plus, i am still a little hung up on my ex (god know why as he was abusive). Tonight i asked him if he was still messaging other women. He said yes. He said he loves women. He went onto say that he doesn't know what he wants and doesn't want a relationship because that entailed being tied down and not doing what he wants. I calmly said that was fine but i can not be around someone like that. I went onto say I was going to message other men. He went mad! and went into a jealous rage. He said he really wanted me. He then said he will not message other women. I said he was messed up and that this behaviour had come out of nowhere and I didn't deserve it. He apologised. Can someone shed any light on this lunatic behaviour?
BJP1991 Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 I have a history of going out with narcissistic men who have physically abused me. I started seeing someone new for about 3 months. He seemed ok and things seemed to be going well - he was calling me everyday, we hung out alot and he seemed to really like me. I gave him lots of space and people commented that he seemed to be more into me than i was with him. I did like him though but it is still early days and I am scared about getting hurt. Plus, i am still a little hung up on my ex (god know why as he was abusive). Tonight i asked him if he was still messaging other women. He said yes. He said he loves women. He went onto say that he doesn't know what he wants and doesn't want a relationship because that entailed being tied down and not doing what he wants. I calmly said that was fine but i can not be around someone like that. I went onto say I was going to message other men. He went mad! and went into a jealous rage. He said he really wanted me. He then said he will not message other women. I said he was messed up and that this behaviour had come out of nowhere and I didn't deserve it. He apologised. Can someone shed any light on this lunatic behaviour? I usually would not do this type of advice-giving after a single post, but this guy is nuts. You must look after yourself as a priority, always. From a male's perspective (27y.o.), I really think you are seeing major red flags. You deserve better (heck, maybe he does too, even though he seems like a major piece of work who has some issues to deal with).
kendahke Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 Can someone shed any light on this lunatic behaviour? I'm curious: what have you done to address this?: I have a history of going out with narcissistic men who have physically abused me. Having dealt with and resolved the underlying issues behind why this pattern of behavior was allowed to set up in your mind can give you the tools to spot this character inhabiting different bodies before they can do emotional and physical damage to you. I take it that you're done with him and he's on block?
TheFinalWord Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 (edited) You both sound immature to me. Instead of accepting his answer and just dropping him when he showed his true colors, you tried to make him jealous (it worked). Then when he tried to fix it, you rubbed it in, letting him know it's too late. If that's the case, why did you even say that to him? If you know your picker is off, you need to cut off abusive men instead of trying to change them or playing games. Edited April 9, 2019 by TheFinalWord 1
smackie9 Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 He's a narcissist. He seems to think it's ok to have other women, but those woman should only be with him.Well looks like you need to work on your picker.
Author notthatintome Posted April 9, 2019 Author Posted April 9, 2019 Thanks for you replies. I think i was mostly shocked with his response to me. I wanted him to know it couldn't be one way for him and another for me. He does have serious issues and I cannot deal with them right now. I'm not saying i am healthy either - if i was I wouldn't go for abusive men. He has been persistently messaging me today. One minute he says we should move intogether and the next he claims he doesn't know what he wants. He swears he has cut contact with other women. I think he is a complete head f@@k. I think he is one of those that he only likes someone if they pose a challenge. I am better off on my own. I have very bad taste in men.
alphamale Posted April 9, 2019 Posted April 9, 2019 this guy will eventually beat the **** out of you
Grey40 Posted April 10, 2019 Posted April 10, 2019 That’s crazy, I would NEVER call a woman every single day unless we were 100% exclusive, but apparently you like that.Even when I was in a long 5 year relationship still never talked in the phone everyday. Text yes, but seems so excessive especially early on. Maybe when you’re in high school or college and have loads of free time, but a normal working person, that’s odd.
Author notthatintome Posted April 10, 2019 Author Posted April 10, 2019 yeah, I agree... I don’t think I have anyone call me this much! I don’t know if I liked it, but that’s why when I asked him the question about other women it threw me off balance. My ex was a narcissist and he was violent, only on one occasion, but it was enough for me to leave. This guy reminds me of him but worse! He actually scares me a little bit and I don’t know how to deal with him without causing too much trouble and so I feel safe. I think mentioning another guy was a huge mistake because now he has gone into overdrive with wanting to speak/see me.
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