Ciella Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 that is not a clickbait title it's true I at 30 years old have never been on a proper date with a man. Is that bad? because I think it is but I'm also not surprised I'm a woman who looks like a man with downs syndrome I mean, come on who would want that?
Garcon1986 Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 Welcome to LS! First, the question is, do you really want a date? Next question - do you let the ability to have a date decide your self worth? And next - nobody gets to tell you what your self worth is based upon your appearance. Only you get to do that. So - you don't have to choose the way of pain. 1
Author Ciella Posted April 8, 2019 Author Posted April 8, 2019 Welcome to LS! First, the question is, do you really want a date? Next question - do you let the ability to have a date decide your self worth? And next - nobody gets to tell you what your self worth is based upon your appearance. Only you get to do that. So - you don't have to choose the way of pain. 1. I would like to because I want to be like everyone else who has dated. 2. Well of course 3. Pain is all I know and breaking out of that is hard when you don't know anything else.
Garcon1986 Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 Well the way to find guys that you fancy would be to go to social events where guys can be found. Take an inventory of what extracurricular activities you like - and try to join one or two. Don't go in with a dating mindset from the getgo. You will be disappointed if you do. Rather, go with a mindset of "I'm going to make the best possible friends I can". You are right that men will appreciate some physical beauty, so I would consider taking a different inventory of how you might improve in that department. It doesn't have to be fancy - there are ways to look good which are quite affordable. Take some small steps. Ask yourself - what do you have to bring to the table? Men will want to know, how can you make his life cooler (just like any other friendship)? Men will be able to sniff out negativity from a long distance away (although not quite as expertly as women). I would spend some time trying to solidly get yourself into happy energy - otherwise men will start to feel the way you feel. Feelings are contagious. It's of crucial importance to get yourself in a happy state of mind before you can date.
Garcon1986 Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 Here's some more detailed advice that I normally give the guys in your situation, but it's tweaked this time to be tailored to you. The only way to fix this is to devote yourself to the training like a religion. 1. Step one - portray yourself at all times in the most well dressed, fashionable lady you can be. Ask your salon's advice on what is the most physically attractive haircut that will go with your head. You do not however, need to ask for the most expensive haircut. Physical attraction cuts both ways. You may be able to attract a hot guy, but you must accept that certain hot guys will never date you no matter what redeeming qualities you have, because you are not their type. Be at peace with moving on. Dating is a numbers game. 2. Step two - portray yourself socially amongst men as a relaxed and easygoing woman, who is willing to have a fun conversation. You must beat the stereotype that men may have in regards to you. The way to be comfortable around gentlemen is to socialize more with them. We may be physically more robust, but find some extracurricular clubs where you can have a conversation that you enjoy as well. 3. Step three - surround yourself with hobbies that you enjoy, which men simultaneously enjoy. 4. Step four - spend at least 1 month of solidly talking to a different man every day, and get over the "stagefright" of approaching a man you like. You should also spend time getting friendly with men, solely for the friendship, without worrying about fighting the friendzone. The idea behind doing this is to be comfortable in your own skin around attractive men. Failing to do this step proficiently will result in you losing your opportunity once a spectacular man comes your way, because you will be rejected for being weird. At this point, you stop and pause for a moment - you are about to jump into dating. If you were not totally comfortable in stage 4, you need to spend an additional month doing it until you are comfortable. Secondly - men are much simpler than you think. Common interest, having similar personality characteristics, plus physical attractiveness usually equals let's date. Don't try any female indirect communication on men - they usually won't like it. Men will never ever read your mind unless you teach them. So be painfully, excruciatingly direct without making people angry. Step way outside your comfort zone with communication. 5. Step five - take notes on men around you who show you indicators of interest (a sustained smile, sustained eye contact, asking to be with you, etc etc). Focus initially on the men who like you, and drop lots of hints that you want a date. If that particular man likes you a lot, go ahead, be a woman, and kiss him on the way home. Men are really appreciative of sexual aggressiveness. Guess what? He's trying to test the waters too and sort out what you are sexually OK with. If you tell him directly, he will be relieved. Focus on the difference between an interview, a date, normal conversation, and flirting conversation. Focus on the fact that you are getting experience. Don't go for your favorite spectacular man just yet. Take a step back, smell the roses, and congratulate yourself on some good dating experiences at this point. If you have sex, wonderful. Step back and take in the experience. 6. Step six - now go ask out your favorite man and see how it goes. If it fails, rinse, repeat, try again. Never fail in your determination, and try not to get too depressed from rejection. It happens to everybody - keep your head up and use Loveshack as a sounding board. That's the summary of thousands of dating coaches advice. That's really all there is to it. Hot women obviously have it easier but we can't have everything right? It's a really healthy tenet to live by, to be at peace with not being successful at absolutely everything. Know the freedom of giving yourself permission to have not succeeded in certain things, and have the devotion to change the things you can change.
Garcon1986 Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 (edited) Don't beat yourself up about being single - you are not less valued in my eyes for being single. You've got a big Loveshack community here to help you. Edited April 8, 2019 by a LoveShack.org Moderator off topic
d0nnivain Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 Your self worth is not based on your ability to get a date but it's easy to understand how you think it is. First you will need to do some things to improve your self esteem & self confidence. There are books & workshops. A bit of therapy could help to undo the negative thoughts & feelings you have which are bringing you down. Then you need to work on your appearance: a flattering hair cut, doing make up to highlight your best features, clothes to soften & feminize what you view as the more masculine aspects of your body. Ruffles to add curves, that sort of thing. When you feel more girly & prettier it may help you to project a more approachable you. I am not suggesting you change rather that you highlight & play up the best parts of yourself.
Mrs._December Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 Ciella, there are many options available to you where you can meet men. Meetup groups, volunteering, social groups, online dating sites, etc. I completely agree with d0nnivain's post - those suggestions are perfect to help get you started. Once you get some of that self confidence, you're going to be amazed at what you can do.
Lotsgoingon Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 Can you afford therapy? Great project for therapy is to practice developing the social skills to meet people, build a life you want and get some dates. You'll need a really good therapist who you have a great connection with and one who is good at coaching social skills. I had a therapist like that. She was enormously helpful in helping me meet people and be comfortable doing so.
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