cgo311055 Posted April 6, 2019 Posted April 6, 2019 My ex reached out to me and wanted to hang out and suggested we celebrated each other's birthdays afterwards. We've broken up for a year now and last time we had contact was 4 months ago. She told me she miss me and thought about me and when I asked why she said it was because she found one of the first gifts I had given to her and thought about me & her cousin had brought me up and told her how it was a shame because I was cute. We had a 4 hour phone conversation and caught up on our lives. We laughed throughout the whole thing but there were moments that troubled me. She talked to me about all the dudes that's she's rejected because she had no interest in them. She brought up references from when we were dating and mentioned things like "we'll when we were dating u didn't" or some other thing. This is uncharted territory for me and I have no idea how to proceed. I do not understand her intentions whatsoever so I need advice about what i might expect and how to handle it.
emeraldgreen Posted April 6, 2019 Posted April 6, 2019 Put simply, you don't proceed. She's bringing up memories and attachments to get you back on the hook. You'll be back in singlesville before you know it and wondering why she ever bothered getting back in touch. She is exhausting her options and trying to put someone back in orbit for validation.
chillii Posted April 6, 2019 Posted April 6, 2019 (edited) Yeah , likely something a long those lines by the sounds. That and probably toying, dunno how seriously though, with the idea of getting back too because nothing else has worked out. How old is she.? Did you dump her back when or her you ? did either screw around ? Anyway , you can still talk if you wanna , probably not a good idea if it's hurting you though , or getting any hopes up for more. Edited April 6, 2019 by chillii
SunShineAngels Posted April 7, 2019 Posted April 7, 2019 I think she wants to get back with you. She is waiting you to ask her out for a drink.
Marc878 Posted April 7, 2019 Posted April 7, 2019 Nostalgic moment that will be fleeting. Don't waste your time. She's an X for a reason 2
usa1ah Posted April 7, 2019 Posted April 7, 2019 I have read all of your post. You should have kept to one and just added to it. Break all contact and move on with your life. You will regret later if you don’t.
Author cgo311055 Posted April 7, 2019 Author Posted April 7, 2019 Put simply, you don't proceed. She's bringing up memories and attachments to get you back on the hook. You'll be back in singlesville before you know it and wondering why she ever bothered getting back in touch. She is exhausting her options and trying to put someone back in orbit for validation. Why would she do that when she had a couple of guys she just recently rejected and completely cut off?
Author cgo311055 Posted April 7, 2019 Author Posted April 7, 2019 I think she wants to get back with you. She is waiting you to ask her out for a drink. She asked me already to hangout and go celebrate our birthdays together afterwards
Endnote Posted April 7, 2019 Posted April 7, 2019 I have on option for you that I'd love to see. Tell her "I'd miss me too." And walk away and never look back. 4 hour phone conversations are absolutely a no no in my book. Always do that kind of reconnecting in person. If you go hang out play it cool, refrain from bringing up the past and keep conversation fun, and if you're lucky maybe you'll get laid one more time. My 2 cents.
Beachead Posted April 7, 2019 Posted April 7, 2019 (edited) Hey cgo311055, I read your previous posts on this girl. So you two are of about 19-20 years old I assume. Young. And she broke up with you because she was going off to college. For the record, she knew herself. She knew she didn't know what was coming her way in college and wanted the freedom to explore it without being tied down in a relationship. This often means, dating other guys. She also knew if you two chose to remain in a relationship, and this happened, it would have destroyed what you two shared. I think this was a respectful and mature decision on her part which showed she had the ability to think ahead. Also shows she respected you. There aren't too many people out there that do that...especially at such a young age. The only thing that was insincere about what she did was requesting friendship after a breakup. The friendship wouldn't have really been a friendship but just the way to keep you on the backburner until she figured herself out. Now onto the present... I think the people on this thread have good intentions in helping you protect your heart and more often than not I agree with them..but at the same time, if you give up on things just because they're less than ideal, what can ever happen? I say that here because from what I have read, this girl doesn't seem bad. It's not like she dumped you for someone else or cheated on you. She left because you two would have ended up in an crummy long distance relationship while she'd unsurely embark on a new chapter in her life on a college campus full of other guys. If anything, it seems she has learned something about herself and now is interested in reconnecting with you and getting back into a relationship. The question is, what do you want and are you willing to try again? Is the pain/heartbreak you might feel from a possible breakup or a rejection in the future, worth it with her? You need to know that first and foremost, before you proceed. Otherwise none of this matters. Furthermore, relationships never start off perfectly. I can't name one person in this world who doesn't have problems that they bring into one. There's usually doubts, fears and past baggage. But that also doesn't mean you tolerate abuse or disrespectful behaviour. You have to establish limits and boundaries for yourself and know when it's time to walk away. People have to have to go through that together. Communicate, figure it out. You build trust and loyalty in the process and you slowly build up a meaningful history together of experience and memories. All of which will provide strength during hard times in the long-run. And yea, you might break up..but atleast you won't have that question of "what if" roaming around in your mind because you know you tried. - Beach Edited April 7, 2019 by Beachead
emeraldgreen Posted April 7, 2019 Posted April 7, 2019 Why would she do that when she had a couple of guys she just recently rejected and completely cut off? Because she needs a new deposit in the ego bank.
Author cgo311055 Posted April 8, 2019 Author Posted April 8, 2019 Hey cgo311055, I read your previous posts on this girl. So you two are of about 19-20 years old I assume. Young. And she broke up with you because she was going off to college. For the record, she knew herself. She knew she didn't know what was coming her way in college and wanted the freedom to explore it without being tied down in a relationship. This often means, dating other guys. She also knew if you two chose to remain in a relationship, and this happened, it would have destroyed what you two shared. I think this was a respectful and mature decision on her part which showed she had the ability to think ahead. Also shows she respected you. There aren't too many people out there that do that...especially at such a young age. The only thing that was insincere about what she did was requesting friendship after a breakup. The friendship wouldn't have really been a friendship but just the way to keep you on the backburner until she figured herself out. Now onto the present... I think the people on this thread have good intentions in helping you protect your heart and more often than not I agree with them..but at the same time, if you give up on things just because they're less than ideal, what can ever happen? I say that here because from what I have read, this girl doesn't seem bad. It's not like she dumped you for someone else or cheated on you. She left because you two would have ended up in an crummy long distance relationship while she'd unsurely embark on a new chapter in her life on a college campus full of other guys. If anything, it seems she has learned something about herself and now is interested in reconnecting with you and getting back into a relationship. The question is, what do you want and are you willing to try again? Is the pain/heartbreak you might feel from a possible breakup or a rejection in the future, worth it with her? You need to know that first and foremost, before you proceed. Otherwise none of this matters. Furthermore, relationships never start off perfectly. I can't name one person in this world who doesn't have problems that they bring into one. There's usually doubts, fears and past baggage. But that also doesn't mean you tolerate abuse or disrespectful behaviour. You have to establish limits and boundaries for yourself and know when it's time to walk away. People have to have to go through that together. Communicate, figure it out. You build trust and loyalty in the process and you slowly build up a meaningful history together of experience and memories. All of which will provide strength during hard times in the long-run. And yea, you might break up..but atleast you won't have that question of "what if" roaming around in your mind because you know you tried. - Beach Wow! thanks for reading through everything and making everything clear. honestly, i thought she just wanted to do this to be friends but ill take it slow and see where it leads to
Author cgo311055 Posted April 11, 2019 Author Posted April 11, 2019 So i had originally posted here but things kind of changed. Basically my ex contacted me after she found out i was talking to a friend of hers and congratulated me. After a long conversation she brought up about hanging out with me. i agreed and then asked why and she said it was because she missed me. We already have agreed to meetup but recently i found out she started talking to some other guy and im extremely confused as what to do. A lot of you guys said to be careful or that she wants to try again and i agree but now i feel completely manipulated. I feel like i should just ignore her and cancel to meetup but i will only be acting out of frustration. What should i do from here on out? is it ok to cancel?
bathtub-row Posted April 11, 2019 Posted April 11, 2019 If course it’s ok to cancel. That’s your option. What do you mean that she’s talking to another guy? Truthfully, it’s rare that people who break up can get back together and make it work. What was the reason for the break-up?
Author cgo311055 Posted April 11, 2019 Author Posted April 11, 2019 If course it’s ok to cancel. That’s your option. What do you mean that she’s talking to another guy? Truthfully, it’s rare that people who break up can get back together and make it work. What was the reason for the break-up? I overheard a phone conversation of her friend and her talking about some dude. basically things like oh im sure he likes you and you should face time him so on. We broke up over some stressful things that eventually was just immature. i just hope im not overreacting by canceling on her
bathtub-row Posted April 11, 2019 Posted April 11, 2019 Well, you very well could be overreacting. Who broke up with who? Did she break up with you, or vice verse? Do you think the situation could come up again? Was the relationship good overall when you were together, or was it problematic? Whatever the negative dynamics were, it’s unlikely they’ll change.
kendahke Posted April 11, 2019 Posted April 11, 2019 So i had originally posted here but things kind of changed. Basically my ex contacted me after she found out i was talking to a friend of hers and congratulated me. She didn't congratulate you because of benevolence==she did that to throw a wrench into her girls' gears with you. A complete manipulation tactic engineered to interfere in what you're trying to get going with this other girl. After a long conversation she brought up about hanging out with me. i agreed and then asked why and she said it was because she missed me. You need to remember why she is your ex. We already have agreed to meetup but recently i found out she started talking to some other guy and im extremely confused as what to do. A lot of you guys said to be careful or that she wants to try again and i agree but now i feel completely manipulated. I feel like i should just ignore her and cancel to meetup but i will only be acting out of frustration. What should i do from here on out? is it ok to cancel? I'd cancel. I mean, what is the point of getting with someone you've thrown over already because she requires the attention of other men as well as you? She clearly doesn't miss you that much if she's already sniffing in behind some other dude.
d0nnivain Posted April 11, 2019 Posted April 11, 2019 What is the point of meeting up? If you want to get back together but she doesn't, absolutely cancel the meeting. If you are only 1 of many irons she has in the fire, you can still meet with her & talk about what you both want. However I would caution you that she's keeping her options open while you want exclusivity. I think she's shooting for a friendly chat without reconciliation while you are hoping to rekindle the relationship. As long as you have different goals, staying apart is best. If you go she will simply break your heart all over again.
preraph Posted April 11, 2019 Posted April 11, 2019 You're just going to yank each other's chains and then both be mad again. 1
BC1980 Posted April 11, 2019 Posted April 11, 2019 I think she just felt hurt that you were talking to someone else. I'd stay away from this and cancel the meeting.
Commongoal123 Posted April 12, 2019 Posted April 12, 2019 Why would she do that when she had a couple of guys she just recently rejected and completely cut off? I'd put money on a bet that she DIDN'T reject said guys, and likely got whatever she wanted from them. Women can present a fact upfront about unsolicited information, such as guys you didnt ask about, and tell you the complete opposite of what was actually true. Consider it a lie to throw you off so youd never suspect anything or ever ask about it.
Author cgo311055 Posted April 12, 2019 Author Posted April 12, 2019 (edited) @cgo311055 No problem. Keep us posted. - Beach Well I just found out she started talking to this guy around the time she found out I was talking to her friend. Her friend seemed like an interesting person so I got closer to her. Apparently they started dating as of today. I'm shocked and my heart definitely hurts. I guess she lied about not wanting to start a relationship. Perhaps she lied about a lot of things. I keep trying to convince myself she only got into this relationship because I started talking to her friend. All I know is that she definitely told my ex about how I started hanging out with her because she has asked if I intended to date her friend. Wish me luck as I try to get this out of my mind. It kinda hurts that she knew this guy for only like 2 weeks and went in a relationship with him Edited April 12, 2019 by cgo311055
destroyedlife Posted April 12, 2019 Posted April 12, 2019 from my own experience an ex will say things like this to keep you from permanently fading away. my current ex has been doing this to me. she often uses anger as an excuse to contact me. things that are complete non-sense. i had a friend once who was just like me. commited , loyal, grounded. and his gf at the time walked all over him. she could be nice at times. but her expectations begain to reach an impossible to do level. where he could no keep up, so she would get angry, eventually she dumped him and he begged her not to leave. he never wanted to let go ever and for almost a year he put in even more effort than he already did. she knew what she was doing, taking advantage of him. anyways. we went to the bar and he started talking to the waitress. when he left to the washroom i put a word in for him. and told her a bit of his story. she ended up giving him her number. and now they are a couple. the moment he announced his relationship. his ex was there angry trying to break them up and telling him that she wants him back. he almost went back to her but realized that the new girl really liked him. so he rejected his ex. till this day she still tries to get back with him and still shows up at his house. some women have it stuck in their mind that an ex should never move past them on the ladder ,its like they thing they own you, im sure youve herd of the toy on the shelf topic. thats what shes doing. they are raised like this
Marc878 Posted April 12, 2019 Posted April 12, 2019 Well I just found out she started talking to this guy around the time she found out I was talking to her friend. Her friend seemed like an interesting person so I got closer to her. Apparently they started dating as of today. I'm shocked and my heart definitely hurts. I guess she lied about not wanting to start a relationship. Perhaps she lied about a lot of things. I keep trying to convince myself she only got into this relationship because I started talking to her friend. All I know is that she definitely told my ex about how I started hanging out with her because she has asked if I intended to date her friend. Wish me luck as I try to get this out of my mind. It kinda hurts that she knew this guy for only like 2 weeks and went in a relationship with him You just learned a valuable lesson. She didn't want you but didn't want anyone else to have you. So she wanted to try and end that. Not uncommon. This is an easy fix. Just block her unless you want the ongoing drama. Which will just keep you hung up in this. It is your choice. The only one keeping you where you currently are is you.
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