soft heart Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 Hello everyone! I am not sure how much you remember my story about my European ex who was calling me non-stop back in May and begging me to talk to him again. He was upset since I tried to move on with my life as he told me to (by the way) and because I blocked him on msn. Anyway, after so many phone calls and a long email where he was telling me that his heart was crying and his stomach was in pain and that he was the most sorry guy and so on, despite all your advice, I answered in the end. Since then we have been in contact but then slowly with time he was never clear if he wanted us to be back together. Every time I asked him, he said that due to the distance we cannot and that we need to take things slowly. Every time I asked him why was he contacting me again then, he said because he likes me and cares for me and does not want to loose me. So the whole summer we would send occassioanal emails, text messages. He would be the one most of the time who would initiate the contact. And then he suggested for us to meet to see how we feel together and whether there is a chance for us to work things out. So I booked my flight in August to go and see him during a weekend. We had a fight over this, because I said to him that since he was the one breaking up, he should be booking the flight and coming to see me. But his argument was that he lives in one of the most beautiful capital cities in Europe and there are many things to see. Anyway, things were going ok in June and July. He was nice to me. I started to go out a lot with my friends here and so I didn't worry too much. BUT this weekend has changed things a lot! When I met him we obviously ended up being intimate together most of the weekend. But when I wanted to discuss our relationship, he kept saying that he not ready to be tied down and that he does not want a long-distance relationship so I didn't really understand why would he still want me to be in touch with him. I got quite upset with him because he said to me in May that we would meet to see how we feel and to work things out but he said again that he does not want to have a serious relationship. What upset me also that he said that he kissed 6 girls after the break up... I must admit I did kiss guys too but my hopes were still for us to get together. I asked him if he slept with any of them and he said no. I asked him if he would sleep with any girl, and he said that he is a guy and he can't stay a priest his whole life but he said that since me he hasn't. He said to me though that if he knew that I did, he would be pretty upset and maybe he would stop talking to me because he knows that for me having sex with someone means a lot but he says for him as a guy it means a different thing. I have to say that this made me really insecure. Anyway, when I returned from this weekend, I found it really hard. I realised that all my feelings came back and I missed him so bad. He called me sometime last week and I told him that I cannot continue this way and we have to make some kind of decison? He said to me that he doesn't want a long-distance relationship. I said to him that we both earn money and we could meet more often as our countries are 1 hour by plane. He said that he does need to see me more often and he doesn't like the idea of once a month meeting. I asked him if he sees future for us? and he said that he does not know and that he can't promise anything. I said that we could think about living in a same country. europe is not big. He said that moving for his job is ok for him but that it would scare him if he though that he is moving for a girl. He says he is scared of these things. I explained that I am scared of continuing this way because I wouldn't like to experience a situation where he meets another girl and becomes serious with her and drops me. He said that he would never do that. He said that he cares for me too much and even if he met another girl, he would still talk to me. I said to him that we should meet more often and he said that we should but that it's difficult to plan things like that.. I asked him to make a decision between being with me or being single and free. He said that he can't be with me. So I said that clearly he decided that being single is better for him. He said that it's not like that. He just isn't ready to be tight down and especially not with someone who doesn't live in the same country. So I said to him why does he still call me and why does he still wants to see me sometimes and he responded "because I like you". I said to him that unfortunately I need to see him more often and I am too scared of the future so I need to walk away... he was upset and asked if I was prepared to sacrifice everything and I said that it's hard for me this way. We had a fight on Sunday because I overreacted on Saturday. He said he was going to send me a message on Saturday and help me with something but he didn't so I sent him a message asking if he was busy and that I thought he would contact me. He sent me one back and said that he is not at home and that he is having a dinner with a friend and that he will talk to me on Sunday. I was so upset because I started to panick who this friend was and also I was upset that he didn't even bother to tell me that he won't be at home in the end. So I sent him one back and said that he could have let me know and that I hope he will enjoy the dinner and that I am hurt because he does not care when he is with someone else.. I was quite hurt by it all!! The message was pending for at least 2 hours, which made me feel even more insecure! He never said anything back. On Sunday he sent me one back saying that yes he wasn't at home, he was with a friend who is a guy and that he shouldn't feel obliged to do things for me.. I was so upset. We then chatted on msn but got into a fight over it and he told me that he doesn't owe me anything and that I really pissed him off on Saturday with the way I reacted.. and I said to him ok leave me then and his reply was quite unexpectedly ok then good bye!! He then sent me an email: i have got nothing to reproach to me because i havent done anything bad to you. i didnt see anybody yesterday except my friend (a guy) so dont blame me. if the message was pending it 's because the network was bad in my friend's flat or because i was in the underground. you were yesterday even worse than when we were together, i cant believe u blamed me for that. just because i couldnt help u, because i spent the afternoon and the evening with my friend without going back home. i dont know why i should let u know about all my movements. i dont owe you anything. i dont understand your reaction. Behave a bit. it's going a bit too far. i guess you dont want to talk to me anymore. It's your choice. i guess it's the best solution, our situation is getting very complicated. there's a big lack of confidence on both sides and different expectations, the distance is not managable and so on.. i m quite sad but i guess it's better for both of us, we make both of us suffer from it so it's not good. but just keep in mind that i cared about u and i liked u a lot. I never make u suffer on purpose. The best is to talk to each other again after a long while when our feelings for each other are not strong anymore as if we only want to be friends and not more, which is definitely not the case now. All the best in your life and maybe i will see you again bye When I read this email, I felt so much hurt! I sent him a message if he could talk to me so we did but he said that he has nothing to say and that I am too demanding and that I behave as if we are together but he said we are not! He said that he repeats that he doesn't owe me anything and then he said that he has got to go as he has things to do! I feel so shocked and hurt and so guilty! I mean he behaved to me when I went to see him for a weekend like he was still with me! He was physical with me and he kept telling me that he doesn't want to loose me. What should I do? I haven't heard from him today at all! And 2 months ago when I tried to walk away and move on, he begged me to talk to him again and so I did and now he is gone! He broke up with me in March and I was still there for him.. I just don't know! I want to send him an email and ask him if he meant it! I just cannot believe he would just walk away like that!? Please help. I am so sad ! What should I do? He was the one not happy about me walking away and now he did exactly that PS So sorry about the length. I just needed to explain the whole situation how it exactly all happened.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 Remember this from June? If you go see him, you have to accept that unless you do it entirely on his terms he will be an ass to you. If you can handle that, and don't have any expectations that he will change, then you should be fine. Otherwise, if you go up there expecting him to be any different than he has been you may be setting yourself up for a great disappointment. Honestly, there was not a single surprising thing in that entire post, given your story with this guy. His behavior and treatment of you was 100% predictable. I'm sorry you got hurt again, but you were bound to see it coming on some level. All you can do is start your healing process over, and pray for the strength to stop hurting yourself by continuing to involve yourself with this guy.
d'Arthez Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 Forget about the guy completely. He does not want to be in a relationship, although he does not mind to have the bonus he can get, by pretending to be in some sort of relationship with you. But he does not want the same thing as you do. And long distance relationships are hard at best, when the 2 people involve try to make the most of it. When one is barely interested in maintaining such a relationship, it becomes impossible. The 'deception' as you may perceive it, may have been intentional or not. But you won't find out by demanding answers on that question, but only by looking back on everything that has transpired. As for keeping him as a friend, I would be very sceptical about that. The tone of the email has a hostile undercurrent. And important parts of it are written in the past tense. from email: I never make u suffer on purpose. As he was well aware by his own words, that being intimate with each other meant a lot to you, but not so much to him (as a guy), you may well wonder how honest the above quote was. Cut him out of your life completely, heal from this experience, and hopefully you will be able to find a good guy who is less of a distance away from you.
Author soft heart Posted September 21, 2005 Author Posted September 21, 2005 Thanks a lot for your suggestion!! I just cannot understand the sudden change in his behaviour towards me? I mean how could he change his opinion so fast? I know I was probably being unreasonable towards him on Saturday and I overreacted and panicked! But he is really cold towards me now as if he does not care at all about me! as if he hates me? last week he was telling me he doesn't want me to walk away? and now he is the one telling me that he is fed up and he wants us to stop it all and we should stop contact? I was visiting him only 3 weeks ago and now he is suddenly so distant? I just don't understand it? Unfortunately I am not that kind of girl who is able to be close and intimate with a guy who I loved so much with all my heart and then not feeling attached to him? It's just that he sounded so scared of loosing me and now he is gone! Could it be that he found another girl? I am 27 and it's true that I am not anymore into playing games and teenage fun relationships! I am very caring and giving.. He hurt me so deep when he ended the relationship in March and it took me so long to be ok again and then he came back in May begging me and now he is gone again! I love this guy!! He says that I should get into my head that it will never ever be again me and him and that I should just burry my feelings for him! He was sending me photos from our time when we were together visiting my home and of course all these things remind of me of our past together! All my friends told me that he was behaving with me not like a friend and now he is blaming me that I want more than a friendship! and when I was visiting him 3 weeks ago and I refused to kiss him because he kept saying he is single.. he got sooo upset because I didn't kiss him! and he was really really angry! and when I said that I don't kiss friends, he said that I am not a friend but something more.. I just don't know? I didn't expect the sudden change though!!
d'Arthez Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 I just cannot understand the sudden change in his behaviour towards me? I mean how could he change his opinion so fast? It is not something that suddenly happened. But developed over the course of time. You were simply blind to the process, perhaps because you were in the infatuation stage of love. It can happen to all of us then. From what you told about the conversations, you can in hindsight construe that his feelings and thoughts of you were not as deep, as yours for him. But he is really cold towards me now as if he does not care at all about me! as if he hates me? He probably does not hate you. But because of the drastic swift in perception, you construe it as such. What is probably closer to the truth, is that he is close to indifferent, but does not mind having you around at a safe distance, provided you do a lot of work, and don't bother him with your insecurities, and anything that might annoy him. Does not sound to great, does it? last week he was telling me he doesn't want me to walk away? and now he is the one telling me that he is fed up and he wants us to stop it all and we should stop contact? I was visiting him only 3 weeks ago and now he is suddenly so distant? I just don't understand it? Right now it is hard to understand. But the best thing is indeed to stop all contact. Permanently. He must have been aware that he meant quite a lot to you, and he did nothing to dispel that impression. And at times may have encouraged that impression. Whether that was knowingly or not, is something you have to find out on your own. Could it be that he found another girl? That does not matter. Whether he has found another girl, or prefers to stay single, it all means that he prefers not being with you (for whatever reason) over being with you. I love this guy!! That is what you have convinced yourself of. Right now you believe that. But when you will be able to view things from a more detached perspective, you might (and probably will) think differently about him. All my friends told me that he was behaving with me not like a friend and now he is blaming me that I want more than a friendship! Which is true. But given the impression he made on you and your friends, it is more or less an excuse he is offering to you (and himself). He did nothing to give a "just friends" impression. And probably in his book a man can be friends with a woman and have sex with her, but that does not hold true for a woman in his book. Add the two together, and you will see that he is not without responsibility in the whole thing. and when I was visiting him 3 weeks ago and I refused to kiss him because he kept saying he is single.. he got sooo upset because I didn't kiss him! and he was really really angry! and when I said that I don't kiss friends, he said that I am not a friend but something more.. I just don't know? I didn't expect the sudden change though!! See above comment.
Author soft heart Posted September 21, 2005 Author Posted September 21, 2005 Thank you for your opinion! I used to say to him that I felt used for sex but he always said to me that it's not true. He said that if he wanted to, he could have just go and find a girl near him. He also said that he wouldn't bother calling me when I needed him to or he wouldn't speak to me in a caring way if it was just about sex! It kind of made sense to me. Sometimes I had to face a problem and I would tell him about it and he would call me to make me feel ok. so that's why I am not sure why has he changed so fast in such a short time? That's what keeps confusing me and hurting me? I mean he asked me last week when I said that I will walk away if he doesn't make his mind up if I was prepared to sacrifice everything? I said that I couldn't continue this way. So he put the phone down on me and said "ok good luck then" but 2 days later he emailed me and asked if I didn't want to talk so I did and we were even talking about him coming to visit me here for a weekend. and all this happened only last week? I should also tell you that I sent a text message to him yesterday afternoon. I was trying to be strong but a little voice inside me was telling me that I wasn't sure if it was for real the fight we had on Sunday or did we just say things because we were angry. Also I met a good friend of mine and talked to her about it and she said to me that it's better to be sure so I could send him a text message otherwise I would be always wondering what if! But I did not expect the hearless and cold response he gave me I said that I hope he is ok and that I think it was harsh the way things happened on Sunday and that I care for him so much and I miss him. I ended my text message asking him if he wanted to talk? To be honest with you, I never expected an answer from him or a nasty one back. Well, one minute later he replied and said "I didn't get the whole message. can you send it again please" and then he sent one straight after saying "I've just received the other part. I'll be on msn chat in 10 minutes". I was so surprised. Anyway, when I signed on msn, I started the conversation and when I asked him about his day he was silent so I said if he wanted to talk or not and he said that he was eating. I felt so stupid. Anyway, I then said to him that the text message said that he was going to be on msn in 10 minutes so what should I do? He said again that he was eating. So I was silent. He then said "ok, let's talk." But he was so mean!! He said that it's completely over and that I should forget the idea of us getting ever back together again. He said that he is fed up and that he lost of lots of feelings for me on Sunday. I started to cry and asked him how could he change his feelings so fast. He said that he realised this Sunday. I said to him that just last week he was the one telling me that he still has feelings for me and that he didn't want to loose me.. I asked him if he wasn't afraid anymore of loosing me and he answered that it's right not anymore. He said that it's my choice if I wanted to talk to him again. He said also that he will never ever kiss me or make love to me, that he regrets being close to me while I was visiting him during the weekend. I said to him that it hurts too much to hear this all and I said to him that I took him back 2 months ago when he was begging me and he said that he doesn't care and that I should stop talking bulls***! I just can't believe how he has changed in 2 days so much! Why? I know I overreacted but he said to me that he would never want to loose me or he would be always there for me no matter what and now he just wants to get rid off me? He said that he was there for me too many evenings and he does not want to do that anymore. He was so harsh. He said that he prefers forgetting me and he is going to burry his feelings for me so he said to me I should do the same. He said that he will only be a simple friend for me, nothing more! I feel so punished! I mean when I was visiting him during that weekend in August, he was telling me that he wants us to meet more often. I asked him if he met someone else and he said no but his sudden change in behaviour is strange! I know I said some things to him on Sunday but instead of being ok, he prefers to walk away!? Why was he telling me 3 weeks ago that I shouldn't walk away and that he cares for me too much and has too much feelings for me??? Why? Please tell me why?? Why did he suddenly change like this? I am so shocked! He is so cold with me! I feel so sad. He said to me in the end that we shouldn't talk to each other for a long while, at least not before I forget my feelings for him and that if I had something else to say, I should say it now. I was speechless though. I felt like he broke my heart AGAIN into pieces! When he broke up with me in March, it took me so long to be ok again and to have fun again and he suddenly appeared again and managed to make me love him again and now he is gone again!! Is it fair? I said I was too hurt to say anything and he said "ok, well I am sorry. You will recover soon. Good bye". I feel like he was playing with me like with a toy and got bored and threw me away because it was not fun for him anymore". Please help me to understand it all! I am so lost and unclear and hurt and just basically not sure what happened? Im shocked! I cared for this guy soooooooooo much!! I just can't believe he could do that! and today no message from him! Nothing! Gone! just like that I am supposed to burry my feelings in 2 days Am I a robot for him?
Author soft heart Posted September 22, 2005 Author Posted September 22, 2005 I am so sad:( I couldn't keep my hands off my cell phone last night and I sent him a message to aks if he really wanted us to completely stop and that I don't feel happy with that. if he really wanted to sacrifise everything and that we still care for each other and that I don't want to loose him and if he could tell me what he thinks and that I am sorry I overreacted and that I am sad like this... No reply:( I just can't believe that he would really mean all things he said?! Why is he not replying?
Author soft heart Posted September 22, 2005 Author Posted September 22, 2005 I am crying my eyes out and I am hurt.. he sent me a message back and said "I consider you as a very good friend now and only like that for the reasons I told you already. that means no love, no kisses anymore! you still have my support though if you need me." He does not want me anymore:( I am only a friend for him now like any other friend not someone special anymore. It hurts so badly:(
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 22, 2005 Posted September 22, 2005 It is unfortunate that you have to start this heartbreak all over again. This time... go to 'no contact' and stick with it. Do not contact him in any way, shape or form. Do not allow him to contact you. Block every single way that you know of where he can contact you. You know that he will try to contact you as soon as you begin to really slip away. You also know that he will continue to break your heart. Time to put an end to it. Do it for real this time. Block him. Block yourself from him.
puffy Posted September 22, 2005 Posted September 22, 2005 You post the same stuff over and over and over and over again. It would be better if you went back to your old thread and read the advices that people gave you there. You need to get a spine. Do you remember how nice he became when you were strong and not taking any bullsh*t from him? That's when you were in control not him. Don't you see how much he needs you, too? You're afraid, because you think that your addiction is only one-sided, but everybody can tell, he also wants you, he also is in need of you. He wants you to stay and use you, control you, manipulate you, keep you on the backburner, all the things that an self-centered egoists dreams of he is realizing with you. Stop being such a wimp. Stop wallowing in victimhood. I'm tired of hearing you advertising yourself as kind, caring, so soft at heart, etc. I don't know how you really are, but what I get from all these post is that you whine a lot and it's awful, because it seems as if your whole personality is just - well, soft and weak. All this whining doesn't leave room for personal growth, it doesn't lead to more reflections on one's own mistake, it doesn't make you think what the reasons for this break up other than 'distance' could be, it also prevents you from assuming responsibility for your part in this break up. You whine and you wallow in self-pity, where the hell is your self-esteem or your anger at this guy? WHERE? He's a jerk, alright, but why did you choose a jerk in the first place to date? WHY? It is so grotesquely obvious that he is leading you on and keeping you on the backburner, but why can't you see it? You think the distance is the problem, it's not, the problem is you. The reality is that you bore him, because it's so easy to have you, you're no challenge for this guy.
Author soft heart Posted September 22, 2005 Author Posted September 22, 2005 Thanks for your support Lucrezia and others...it's so hard to start follow the nc rule! I mean it's kind of tough of him to expect me to just cut all contact like that.. but I guess this afternoon it was my last go.. I was invited by a doctor for an appointment today and I have to say this appointment made me worry.. well, I sent him a text to let him about it and he sent me one back to let him know how did the appointment go! I know that you all said that I should stop all contact and I know that I must do it from now on! I guess I am used to it that every time something is a little difficult to face, he would be the first one to know.. but gave me a confirmation that he can't care that much.. i mean i was sitting in the waiting room for my doctor to invite me in and I became really emotional! I guess how in everyone's life everything is happening at the same time, my parents have been going through a rough time and I have been in the middle of it for the last 3 years, now my ex left me again feeling rejected and not worthy.. I kind of felt like I really need someone close to me! I have lots of friends, I live with some of them and I work with some of them but it's not always so easy to share your deepest worries.. so I texted him and said that I am feeling sad and worried and that I need him right now and to stop doing what he is doing. Well, after the appointment he texted me back and asked about it. I asked him why didn't he reply to my last text message and his message back was quite mean again and said "For God's sake, stop playing with me! What did the doctor say???! I replied already 100 times and I am saying again you and me is over!! I won't reply to any of these questions. If you can't respect that I won't talk to you anymore! You're annoying me now a lot with your questions! I am worried about your health so answer me!! He didn't realise that I could have been worried about the appointment and that I needed a soft shoulder of support! It's kind of interesting when I look back.. I mean when I tried to move on back in May and I blocked him on msn and he then found out and after an argument I said ok that's it.. he was the one sending text messages, ringing me at least 30 times in one evening until 2 or 3 am and I had to wake up in the morning for work.. he was ringing me again the next day early in the morning the whole day at least 50 times and sending me long emails at 2 am telling me how much I killed him and that his stomach is sick and his heart is crying and that he hopes I am not insensintive.. and now I texted him maybe 3 or 4 times, didn't ring him once and did not send him one email and he is telling me I should respect his decision and I shouldn't annoy him??? I mean I am trying to respect it as much as I can even though it's hurtful the way he just says " I am done with you! You and me it's over" As if I have done something really wrong to him! After his last message I got quite mad and I sent one back and said " You are completely right that it's over! As we would say in my country the sund doesn't shine only for one flower! In other words, your are not my first and you are not my last! There are many out there... It was my last message to him this afternoon! He must hate me now and he probably won't never ever dial my number again! He must think that I am a bitch! But I sent it to him because I felt so humiliated and I wanted to show him that I don't need him.. even though it's not true really that I am now looking around for someone else obviously! He also told me just last week that if I ever kiss another guy or do something with another guy, he won't talk to me again... Well, he said to me that he kissed 6 girls after the break up.. but he said that for him as a guy it doesn't mean much but he said that he knows I am pure and he knows that I take things seriously so that's why.. It's so strange this silence! It's really strange to think that you will never talk to this person again and they hate you so much that they just block you out of their life but I didn't do that much wrong did i? I feel punished to be honest!
puffy Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 It's kind of interesting when I look back.. I mean when I tried to move on back in May and I blocked him on msn and he then found out and after an argument I said ok that's it.. he was the one sending text messages, ringing me at least 30 times in one evening until 2 or 3 am and I had to wake up in the morning for work.. he was ringing me again the next day early in the morning the whole day at least 50 times and sending me long emails at 2 am telling me how much I killed him and that his stomach is sick and his heart is crying and that he hopes I am not insensintive.. There you have your proof that he's still interested in you and doesn't want to let go. He is afraid of losing you. Every time he sees that you try to move on he pulls you back. And what's the hook he uses to keep you on the backburner? The claim that he still cares for you and that he values your friendship. That's his way of "forcing" you to continue contact with him. Don't think he doesn't know that it's harder for you to move on when you're in contact with him all the time. He ]u]knows[/u] it. and now I texted him maybe 3 or 4 times, didn't ring him once and did not send him one email and he is telling me I should respect his decision and I shouldn't annoy him??? I mean I am trying to respect it as much as I can even though it's hurtful the way he just says " I am done with you! You and me it's over" As if I have done something really wrong to him! And that's how he keeps you at bay. He tells you that you two are are not in a relationship and thus you can't put any demands on him, thus he can go out and see other women when it pleases him while at the same time he knows damn well that you won't date anybody else, that you can't meet anybody else because your heart is set on him. After his last message I got quite mad and I sent one back and said " You are completely right that it's over! As we would say in my country the sund doesn't shine only for one flower! In other words, your are not my first and you are not my last! There are many out there... It was my last message to him this afternoon! He must hate me now and he probably won't never ever dial my number again! He must think that I am a bitch! But I sent it to him because I felt so humiliated and I wanted to show him that I don't need him.. That wasn't such a bad move. He'll try to get you back again. It's the same old game of withdrawing and pulling back. even though it's not true really that I am now looking around for someone else obviously! He also told me just last week that if I ever kiss another guy or do something with another guy, he won't talk to me again... Well, he said to me that he kissed 6 girls after the break up.. but he said that for him as a guy it doesn't mean much but he said that he knows I am pure and he knows that I take things seriously so that's why.. Listen, you shouldn't have slept with him. He's smart enough to know that women tend to get hooked on when they have sex. It's so strange this silence! It's really strange to think that you will never talk to this person again and they hate you so much that they just block you out of their life but I didn't do that much wrong did i? I feel punished to be honest! Stop exaggerating, he'll come back like he always does. Just like you always give in after a while. I understand he's an egoist who tries to get the best out of the situation for him, but I also understand it when he complains about you being weak and clingy. The only thing you can do to improve your situation is to stop running after him, to set boundaries and not let him cross them. Some people tend to be jerks and use anybody who isn't able to stand up for himself and they will only respect you when you are able to defend yourself. It's annoying when you have to prove yourself all the time to someone lest he will screw you over and I avoid these people, but in your case you will probably have problems with every man you meet unless you change and develop some self-esteem. A more mature guy would have talked with you when he realized he had problems with the distance and your insecurities. It's preferable (actually, I think it's even a must) to have someone who supports you in the bad times, but you can't force and expect someone who hasn't developed this level of maturity yet to give you all this. You can decide that he gives you enough or you can decide that you want more and leave if you don't get it, the most important thing though is that you realize that your insecurities are primarily your problems and that it's your job to solve them, it's great when you have someone to support you, but don't count on this. It's clear that your ex is not very mature and you won't be able to expect a lot from him in the future, so better wake up and realize, you're pretty much alone with your issues and start working on them now.
Author soft heart Posted September 23, 2005 Author Posted September 23, 2005 This is harder than I thought.. no message from him. Nothing! He is gone! This morning I am feeling really low... I want to cry.. I want to send him an email. Not in order to ask him questions but to finish it in a nice way! I just hate the way things were finished in a harsh way! I mean it's like we are real enemies now and I sort of regret now sending him the last message where I said that he is not my first and he is not my last and that there are many out there.. maybe it was wiser just to keep quiet! I really feel that he must think now that I am a bitch and a looser.. He must have changed his opinion about me..
Author soft heart Posted September 24, 2005 Author Posted September 24, 2005 It's been my second day of no contact:( I am finding it really hard because I can see that he meant it all what he said! I woke up crying this mornig! I am so sad! He really does not need me or want me in his life anymore:(
d'Arthez Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 It is over, and nothing that you will do will make him come back. If he does come back, it is only for his own pleasure. Realize that. Also try to look at his behavior from a more detached point of view - and you will come to the realization what kind of man he really is. And what he really did to you, and how he played you. Learn from your mistakes, so you won't make them again. With anyone else. Healing from a broken heart is hard enough. Whether it could have been foreseen or not, that this would happen. People on this board replied to your thread a few months ago, and predicted exactly what would happen, and that you were playing a dangerous game. Try rereading the posts, to make sense of your situation, and what happened. And doing NC is hard - but you should try to make it as easy as possible. Block him, delete him from your email- and IM-lists. You will get better, but you need to take time for yourself. To do things, for yourself. Take classes. Spend time with friends and family. Face the reality that he won't be a part of your life, your dreams, nothing. And honestly, you are better of without him - but it will take you some time to fully realize that. In the meantime, get every bit of support you can get. You are not alone. And yes, things will get better in the future.
Author soft heart Posted September 25, 2005 Author Posted September 25, 2005 I was doing well with not contacting him but today I sent a text message. I am so sad! I know that I shouldn't have done it but it shows me now that he really hates me and he is really angry with me because of my last text message to him because he has not replied I asked him how he is and how has his weekend been and if he is still angry.. I sent him a couple of hours ago. It hurts so badly to think that he really no longer wants me in his life. I guess I wanted to reassure myself that he really meant it all.. .. I want to cry.. I want to send him an email. Not in order to ask him questions but to finish it in a nice way! I just hate the way things were finished in a harsh way! I mean it's like we are real enemies now and I sort of regret now sending him the last message where I said that he is not my first and he is not my last and that there are many out there.. maybe it was wiser just to keep quiet! I really feel that he must think now that I am a ***** and a looser.. He must have changed his opinion about me..
Author soft heart Posted September 25, 2005 Author Posted September 25, 2005 He texted me back.. He said that he was sorry for not replying earlier and that he is happy that I texted him. He said that he is not angry but he thought I was angry. He asked me how I feel.. I have to say I am surprised. I didnt think I would hear anything back.
Baz Posted September 27, 2005 Posted September 27, 2005 This guy is a bully and a power freak. His enjoyment is having complete and absolute power over you but the most worrying aspect of this is that you let him! The strange thing is that he needs you in his life in order to get this kick. If you didn't allow him to get his kicks, ie didn't allow him contact with you, you would see his insecurities very quickly ie he will be calling you wondering what had happened. You both rely on each other. You are a giver and he is a taker and that is what fuels this dance that you are in, so stop giving. this wont change him but it will show you what he really is like and from there you should be able to rationlise the situation better. it is tough and it will take time but there is no other roption. I want you to do something. Set yourself a NC target. Lets say 3 days to start with. If he hasn't contacted you by then keep it going for another three days. Keep doing this until he contacts you and then ignore him and watch how desperate he becomes. Be strong and realise that love is not the subject here it is both of your insecurities. He needs to abuse someone and you let him abuse you. Ask your self why!!!
Author soft heart Posted September 28, 2005 Author Posted September 28, 2005 I have been trying so hard to be strong but unfotunately this afternoon when I was at work.. I started to think of him and I sent him an email just to ask him how he is and if has decided to stop talking to me? NO REPLY.. why don't they reply? And on Sunday evening his last message said ".. talk to you laterxxx" well, I am sad. really sad..
Baz Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 Listen to what is being said to you on here!!!
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 28, 2005 Posted September 28, 2005 ... and if has decided to stop talking to me? Please leave stuff like this out of your interactions with him. This is the type of stuff I meant by 'reverting'. It puts pressure on him and turns talking to you back into an obligation instead of a choice - which, predictibly is going to cause him to revert right back to the cold-shoulder guy to keep you at a distance.
Author soft heart Posted September 29, 2005 Author Posted September 29, 2005 He replied today and said the following " I said that I don't want to be with you again but I didn't say that I won't talk to you anymore" it hurts I did not respond..
Author soft heart Posted October 2, 2005 Author Posted October 2, 2005 I had to come today to ask for support.. I am having a really bad today. I miss him terribly. I am feeling very low today and very insecure about the whole thing. I am hurting so much thinking that he may be with another girl.. making love to her.. telling her beautiful things and hating me. I am feeling insecure that he might have forgotten me and I am feeling really sad thinking that he suddenly does not need me at all to be there, to talk to him.. He does not care if he has lost me or not. I have been working really hard in my job trying to take my mind off things but I keep thinking about him all the time, hurting and I keep looking at my mobile phone but there is nothing! It's silence. I feel so bad about myself.. I keep thinking that I made many mistakes that drove him away from me..On the other hand I regret giving him one more chance back in May. I regret that I trusted him when he was begging me and I fell for it again.. and now he does not need me again. I am hurting so bad.. I actually feel in pain and even if I go out with my friends and try to live my life, he is under my skin..
LucreziaBorgia Posted October 2, 2005 Posted October 2, 2005 All you can do is start over. Again. This time, remember how badly you are hurting like this. Refuse to do this to yourself again. Do not contact him. Change your gym schedule so that you don't see him. Block his email address. Cut him out of your life. That is the only way that you will be able to move forward. Every day you waste like this, is a day you are stealing from a potential relationship with someone who will treat you decently, and want - and I mean really want to be with you. Until you clear this infection of a guy out of your system, you will not be able to see what happy possibilities lie ahead of you. Hopefully, with time you will.
Author soft heart Posted October 2, 2005 Author Posted October 2, 2005 I blocked him on msn but I don't know how do I block his email address. I use hotmail and yahoo... the thing is a very good friend of his communicate with me via hotmail and what if he finds out that she can still send me emails but his emails will be blocked? Anyway, I think he blocked me on msn himself because he is never signed on and he uses msn every day, frequently.. It seems like he blocked me from his life and he will never send me an email anyway..
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