Author dingoo Posted April 5, 2019 Author Posted April 5, 2019 if you want to end things, end them. Dragging it out isn't going to change him over the weekend. Change is scary so I get why you want to think things through but do let him know what you are thinking & feeling Yea, I just need time to sift through my thoughts and figure out how to say things in a calm manner. Mostly the time apart is to just get the information and feelings sorted because that takes a little longer for me to figure out and I don't want to do things I'll regret.
Author dingoo Posted April 5, 2019 Author Posted April 5, 2019 If you don't believe he has any romantic interests in the weird girl, why did his comment bother you so much? Really think about it. Could it be because you don't think you're an interesting person? Earlier I suggested you focus on yourself. I don't mean indulging in pleasures. I meant developing interests, skills, talents, etc. At your age you can really grow so much. Honestly, I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm still a bit insecure. Even though I've gotten past a large part of my issues the past year, I still have some. I want to get through these issues and just be a confident person all on my own as I think it's better for me and the relationship if we decide to work things out. I have my first therapy appointment booked in a couple of days so I really am taking steps towards becoming better. I'll definitely take your advice and get my own hobbies and maybe go out to meet more people and stuff.
Author dingoo Posted April 5, 2019 Author Posted April 5, 2019 (edited) The real question is... how are your BF's morals? He's a good guy. He's never cheated in past relationships, so moral wise he's a good guy. Consideration and memory on the other hand could use more than a little work. Everything else you said in both your replies kind of sound like him too (social and relationship wise). He spends a lot of free time with me and asks to hang out. Tells me he loves me and stuff. I feel like I should be able to rely on him to remember plans we made the night before though. And the fact that he said forgetting was 'ok' because we hang out a lot anyway just doesn't seem fair and he's just defending himself for the sake of defending. Edited April 5, 2019 by dingoo 1
todreaminblue Posted April 6, 2019 Posted April 6, 2019 He's a good guy. He's never cheated in past relationships, so moral wise he's a good guy. Consideration and memory on the other hand could use more than a little work. Everything else you said in both your replies kind of sound like him too (social and relationship wise). He spends a lot of free time with me and asks to hang out. Tells me he loves me and stuff. I feel like I should be able to rely on him to remember plans we made the night before though. And the fact that he said forgetting was 'ok' because we hang out a lot anyway just doesn't seem fair and he's just defending himself for the sake of defending. good guys make mistakes....regardless of high morals.... temptation....is what needs to be a pro active situation.....studying should be done public not one on one....even then... expressing interest in knowing other females....for whatever reason...is one step in a warning, warning will robinson(sorry lost in space ref) direction....innocent or not ...good or not......getting to know someone more is a place where feelings could develop into longer lasting.......interest...that may or may not end up platonic......deb
Blind-Sided Posted April 6, 2019 Posted April 6, 2019 ................... I feel like I should be able to rely on him to remember plans we made the night before though. And the fact that he said forgetting was 'ok' because we hang out a lot anyway just doesn't seem fair and he's just defending himself for the sake of defending. OK... this is where my 20 year relationship is falling apart. He may be a good guy, and someone you can be with... but tell him now how you feel about him forgetting about time he is supposed to spend with you. My STBxW is blaming me for basically 20 years worth of stuff she didn't like, and has no intention of letting me fix things. It's not fair to me or our kids, but it's what is happening. SO... FOR GOD's SAKE... please speak your mind, and don't hold stuff back to the point where it erodes your feelings for him. (you can see my thread in the divorce section under "20 Years Gone?")
Author dingoo Posted April 6, 2019 Author Posted April 6, 2019 SO... FOR GOD's SAKE... please speak your mind, and don't hold stuff back to the point where it erodes your feelings for him I read your post. I'm sorry that happened to you, I really am and it makes your advice that much more appreciated. I am meeting up with him tomorrow to talk about it. It's honestly more for my mental well-being than anything else. I've written some things down and organized my thoughts and I'm going to tell him exactly where I'm at in this relationship. He's a good guy, and he means well and I really don't want this relationship to end because I really like him but if he keeps doing stuff like this, I don't think I'll do well mentally at all and I can't risk that for the sake of my future. 1
Youngestdaughter Posted April 6, 2019 Posted April 6, 2019 You seem like a sweet, warm understanding girl going our of your way to be understanding. And I'm from a different generation. But I have a lot of male friends-most of my friends are male. But I've known them since high school or earlier. I would never make a male friend now I didn't introduce to my husband. And I feel his attitude, after a year, should be, "She's so weird. You gotta meet her." Not knowing much about your relationship, I have to agree with the poster who said to develop interests outside your boyfriend. Most of us have been in relationships that, once they were over, we thought, "Why did I put up with that? What was I thinking?" That may not be t 1
Youngestdaughter Posted April 6, 2019 Posted April 6, 2019 Sorry. Hit too soon. That may not be the case with you but, if it is, the sooner you find out, the better. Another good Eagles quote is, "So often times it happens that we live our lives in chains and we never even know we got the key." P.S. Have you even discussed this with him? If you haven't because you are afraid or uncomfortable, that's not a good sign, Sweetie. Not saying it's your fault. Not saying it's his. Just not a good sign. Tell him. Get a hobby. Maybe make a guy friend you "just want to know". Then see what happens and how you feel. Good luck. You deserve a good man who's sensitive to your feelings. When I was your age, I would have already made that guy friend out of spite. I wasn't as sweet as you.
Blind-Sided Posted April 6, 2019 Posted April 6, 2019 I read your post. I'm sorry that happened to you, I really am and it makes your advice that much more appreciated. Thanks. I guess if in my tragedy, if someone else can be helped... it won't be so bad to me. (actually tearing up. Sucks as a grown man) I am meeting up with him tomorrow to talk about it. It's honestly more for my mental well-being than anything else. I've written some things down and organized my thoughts and I'm going to tell him exactly where I'm at in this relationship. He's a good guy, and he means well and I really don't want this relationship to end because I really like him but if he keeps doing stuff like this, I don't think I'll do well mentally at all and I can't risk that for the sake of my future. If your gut says he's a good guy... then believe it. He's young, and not thinking that the way his words are coming out may be hurtful to you. Simply re-wording things could make a difference. If you talk with him now... he will either take it to heart, and be more aware, and help your relationship. Or, he will ignore it, and you will have your answer early on. If that advice was given to my STBxW when she was your age... I'm very sure I wouldn't be in my current situation. FYI... I've read her journals from back then, (she allowed me) and there were entries from when we were still dating, and she was mad at me for a few things close to this. She had a bad time with her mom, and was crying to me. (Her mom is controlling) I was trying to talk to her about being strong, and how to stand up to her mom. (now that she was an adult) So, in my mind, I was trying to help her grow... but in the journal entry, she was now mad at me for "Lecturing" her. But, I didn't know that's how she felt about it, because she simply did not tell me. SO... add times like that together over 20 years... and she is built an anger mountain so large, she won't let me try to address it. So, as you can see... I'm not necessarily innocent in this, but I'm now being punished for a crime I didn't know I committed. (and she's so angry she doesn't want it fixed) Please, do not let this happen to you. If after you talk with him, and you get a mixed response... please do not hesitate to post back up. (or even send a PM so I see it) Good luck
smackie9 Posted April 6, 2019 Posted April 6, 2019 Communicate and don’t play revenge headgames. You can set a boundary about making opposit sex friends. Like there needs to be an introduction, and invites to hang out....you knowmake them a part of your combined social group. Not someone you just hear about. Right now I’m going to go with him just being thick headed and isn’t aware that something like this would be upsetting to you.
Hopeful30 Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 Thanks for the reply. He also just left me hanging today. We were supposed to meet up after our last class before he went to an open mic night thing and he forgot that we made this plan (we made it yesterday) and went with his friend straight to mic night anyway and didn't even bother shooting me a text. I drove us to school today so he could drink and have fun without worrying about having to drive later and he forgets. I'm so sick of this. And his excuse is that we spent all of yesterday and this morning together so it doesn't matter that he forgot. I'm still at school (because the mic night is at school) and I'm still going to drive him home afterwards, but I'm just incredibly angry right now. Sounds to me like this new girls isn't the problem. Looks like he's just losing interest in you altogether...
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