cre8r Posted April 4, 2019 Posted April 4, 2019 To begin with, I'm a guy. All the dates I've had, the women have initiated their interest online. After the dates, I'm just not able to tell whether they're interested so it usually ends up with a friendly goodbye. I'm addressing this question to the ladies, would you expect a guy to make first contact after a first date in this scenario? 1
major_merrick Posted April 4, 2019 Posted April 4, 2019 Almost my entire experience is with other women, FWIW. However, I notice that the majority of women don't like to initiate. In spite of the progress feminism has brought, I guess women just aren't comfortable with it. First contact, second contact, whatever...they just don't. I'm aggressive by nature, so I don't conform to what's typical. If you're a man...be VERY delighted if a girl makes contact because it is a 100% positive sign. Unless she's your next stalker that will blow up your phone 200x a day. 1
frus69 Posted April 4, 2019 Posted April 4, 2019 Definitely prefer guys to initiate. I dont initiate 99.9% of time
Logo Posted April 4, 2019 Posted April 4, 2019 OP, a friendly goodbye usually means she's not interested, unless you felt there was a spark between you two. That's when a friendly goodbye means she's waiting for you to call her. That probably doesn't answer your question though. Based on my own personal experience, women who are interested in a second date will usually drop a hint or actually say they're interested in going further or sometimes come out and ask when they can see you again. I have had a couple of experiences where the women didn't initiate or drop hints or say anything about second dates and on both occasions they turned into relationships. I knew they were interested because they didn't want the date to end. I went on a date recently where both she and I had our doubts, and at the end of the first date I still wanted to see her again. She came across as shy or timid so I wanted to give us both a second chance. At the end of the date I asked her if she'd be interested in going out again and she gave me an ambiguous answer. But when I followed through and asked her out, she agreed. The second date wasn't much different. So it didn't go anywhere. I have had dates where women didn't give me any sign or hint and I didn't bother asking them out because I didn't feel like we had much in common. It goes both ways. Sometimes you just hug it out and say it was nice to meet them and walk away, never to see them again. It's like a job interview. "Thanks for coming". So you usually know, either way. If you're paying attention, you won't be left guessing. Trust your gut feeling and ask yourself, do I want to see her again? I hope this was helpful. It might help if you can go on as many dates as you can. Soon enough, you will start seeing the signs. You will know how the date is going without having to guess. It's all a matter of practice. The more dates you go on, the better you become at reading the signs. When you get to that point, start being as selective as you can. You don't want to waste your own time. If it's an online date, ask questions before you meet. Is she asking questions too? If not, she's not that interested and you're wasting your time with her. Find out what she's like, talk on the phone if you can. One last thing, don't follow, lead. Don't go with the flow. You have the power within you to decide the outcome of a date if the other person is half interested. If they are not, there's not much if anything you can do. My point is, don't be passive. I'm not saying you are. That's just a general disclaimer. 1
Author cre8r Posted April 4, 2019 Author Posted April 4, 2019 Of the many dates I've been on, I'm just not good at judging their interest. I've had a few obvious ones that would initially text me after the date saying that they had a good time. I've had a couple of dates taking me by surprise, 2 initiated make out sessions when I walked them to their cars. I've discussed 2nd dates with some that wouldn't answer a text after the first date. I'd say all these first dates have lasted an average of two and a half hours and I've been the one that brought them to a close. Could time spent on a date determine interest?
stillafool Posted April 4, 2019 Posted April 4, 2019 Usually it's the guy who makes first contact but nowadays women want equality so I guess it doesn't matter. Guys have it easy with this set up because if they aren't interested anymore they don't have to make contact and it's over.
elaine567 Posted April 4, 2019 Posted April 4, 2019 Could time spent on a date determine interest? Not necessarily, some people get on like a house on fire, could talk all night but as for dating? "Um... no. No real spark... he is like my best friend or my brother..." I think as a man it is up to you to bring it up, it shows confidence and manliness if nothing else. She either says yes or no. If someone is interested they are interested, they will not be put off by you asking for a second date. If they have no interest then whatever you do is irrelevant, the answer will always be no. 1
BaileyB Posted April 4, 2019 Posted April 4, 2019 I would usually send a text that said “I really had a good time.” Sometimes, I would even go farther and say “I hope to see you again... or maybe we could... (go for a hike) next time...” That was his cue to then say, “What are you doing next weekend? Do you want to...”
mortensorchid Posted April 5, 2019 Posted April 5, 2019 Another rule that I have posted about this neverending debate over this or that or another, and I am famous for my rules here is the most famous one: The 48 Hour Rule - If the woman has not heard from the man within 48 hours after the first get together, you will not hear from him again 90% of the time. He might contact you a few days later, you might even have a second get together with him, but he doesn't really care if you say yes or no to the second date. Text vs. Phone Call - This is also a great source of debate, if the method should be a text or a phone call. It should be a phone call, but there are some situations where the person may not have a phone number but instead will reach you through a text message (on your phone, IM, a dating app, etc.). A way to weed out the good from the bad unfortunately is if and when you offer the person your phone number for them to reach you just in case of emergency, yet they continue to text you through the app or email, or they don't give theirs back. If either party sends a thank you text the next day saying "I had a nice time last night thank you". And you respond the same and ... It will taper off to nothing. A man who likes a woman can't wait to contact a woman again that he likes and will make time for her. Period.
d0nnivain Posted April 5, 2019 Posted April 5, 2019 Apparently a woman who wants to see a man again after a 1st date will signal that he has a green light by texting him the next day to say thank you for the date. However that is not universal. If you want to see her, you reach out. If she doesn't want to see you again she can chose to ignore you or say no. There are no hard & fast rules about whose turn or obligation it is to reach out. 1
smackie9 Posted April 5, 2019 Posted April 5, 2019 I agree if the woman is interested it makes sense to reach out and say thank you for the date, hope to see you again, or I had a great time, etc. Guys appreciate at least a ty, doesn't make you look desperate. I guess some women feel a need to be valued so they wait. That s%^& test stuff. 2
Ruby Slippers Posted April 5, 2019 Posted April 5, 2019 In my experience, a man who's interested will at least make sure via text that I get home safely, and call to ask me out again by the next day, if not during or at the end of the first date. 2
smackie9 Posted April 5, 2019 Posted April 5, 2019 In my experience, a man who's interested will at least make sure via text that I get home safely, and call to ask me out again by the next day, if not during or at the end of the first date. This has been my experience as well. But I still reached out after the date.
Iris The Butterfly Posted April 10, 2019 Posted April 10, 2019 (edited) I've had a lot of OLD experience, and the ones who didn't express an interest by vocally saying, "let's do this again", I almost always never heard from again. I think back to the beginning of the last two men I've dated for extended periods of time, including my current bf. That same night they texted me, after the first date, to either make sure I got home safely, and/or to tell me they had a good time and would like to see me again, setting a specific date. That is, if they didn't ask already before the first date was over, and come to think of it they always did. I don't see the problem of the woman reaching out after the date to say I'd like to see you again, etc.... but I prefer the man to do it. It just shows his effort and interest. I like the pursuit. Edited April 10, 2019 by littlebridge
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