Daisychain53 Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 have developed a very, very strong attraction to the surgeon who removed my kidney for a donation. I am not naive and I do understand these little doctor crushes are common. This is different though, very different. I am not sick so I do not need comforting and I was not in any way relying on him for comfort. I made a decision to donate a kidney to a family member and I knew I would be in for about 3 visits plus surgery. No doctor patient relationship really, just a very straightforward surgery! Here is the problem..... There was definitely a spark when we first me and after our second appointment I could tell he wanted to hug me but shook my head instead. The chemistry I felt with his eye contact was the strongest I think I have ever felt. I chose to ignore this because of ethics....surgeons can't date their patients. The look he gave me on the operating table was enough to melt my heart and I will never forget it! Almost everyone comments he is very arrogant and cold yet that is not what I experienced. Again, aside from a little fantasizing I pushed it out of my mind. This could not possibly go anywhere because of the Dr. patient relationship. Told myself he was just being kind with the look he gave me. One month later was our follow up visit. This time he asked me to come sit on the chair beside him. I get it, easier to talk that way Again though, the eye contact where I felt like he could see right through to my soul. When he was explaining something to me he ran his finger so gently up my inner thigh I had goosebumps and then he rested his hand on my knee for a few minutes. He scheduled a follow up visit even though I know his was not needed. Fast forward another 3 months. I could just see in his eyes he wanted to greet me with a hug instead of a handshake but one of the students was there. He confirmed all was good post op, we made a few jokes back and forth (we have the identical, twisted sense of humour), at this point it just felt like it was just the two of us in the room because we were so focused on each other. When I left he again hugged me while massaging my back. All the way down the hall I could hear him telling saying :She is such a sweetheart! Isn't she a sweetheart?" to his student. I have sent him a thank you note at the hospital and an email to thank him for being such a great surgeon and person as soon as I was finished with the appointment and thought that would be the end of it. Unfortunately I cannot get him off of my mind. If I did not think the attraction was mutual it would be easier. Do you think it is possible I am reading too much into this? Is this normal Dr behaviour from someone described as a cold person?????? I will be starting volunteer work at the hospital where he works in a month or so. Do you think this will be a good opportunity to get to know him better? This will I make it about 3 months since he treated me and don't forget our treatment was VERY limited. I was also thinking of inviting him to my Linkedin account.....my company does business with his facility even though not my division. Do you think this is tacky??? Too transparent??? I am almost positive he is not married and I do know we are about the same age. Please give me some advice !!!! I feel like he will not be the first one to make as if he is wrong and I am not attracted to him he could put his career at risk BUT I guess I am afraid of rejection. Any suggestions??? Thank you in advance for any legit input with this. Daisychain53 Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 3, 2019 Share Posted April 3, 2019 Not going to happen... There are strict rules that prohibit doctor/patient relationships - he would be fired and lose his license to practice medicine. Doubtful that he is willing to put his career or his financial security at risk on this way. This isn’t Grey’s Anatomy... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
preraph Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 I am almost positive he is married and probably to a trophy wife, as most doctors are. Don't arrange your life to put yourself in front of this guy. He can't date patients or coworkers. If he wanted to date you, he could ask you to change doctors. Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 I am almost positive he is married and probably to a trophy wife, as most doctors are. Don't arrange your life to put yourself in front of this guy. He can't date patients or coworkers. If he wanted to date you, he could ask you to change doctors. Even then, lets say he dates you and things go bad... you make a claim that he touched you inappropriately when you were his patient. His career is done - over! A physician who follows the code of ethics would never date a patient - past or present. Link to post Share on other sites
Eugeleh Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 Rules differ from state to state and province to province, but having an intimate relationship with a patient while the physician-patient relationship is ongoing is generally grounds for license revocation. Where I am, in most cases the physician-patient relationship would need to be terminated for more than a year before an intimate relationship would not be considered sexual abuse. If psychiatric care was part of the care provided then intimate relations would never be permitted. In general, it's a really bad idea for physicians to ever become intimately involved with patients. I am almost positive he is married and probably to a trophy wife, as most doctors are Most are married, but not many "trophy wives". Most of us end up with people who are also somewhat studious and have similar educational levels to ours. Link to post Share on other sites
greymatter Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 First, the organ donation that you did for a family member was quite a gift. Because of that, I'm sorry for what I have to say that follows. Running his hand up your inner thigh was beyond inappropriate but you are so entranced by his status and position that you are flattered instead of outraged. He is not a classy person, and he's using his position to take advantage of you. You in turn are being very naive and your fantasy about him is unlikely to turn into anything. He didn't ask you out for a date. He felt you up. It's a real slimeball thing to do. You should think about reporting him, not be thinking about how to be with him. If he's done it to you, he's done it to other women. Link to post Share on other sites
smackie9 Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 A doctor running his finger up your inner thigh? He's a perv. I agree he over stepped his boundaries and felt you up. And yes the arrogance is there...he seems to think he can have his perv way with female patience...he's disgusting. You were not his first nor his last with this type of behavior. Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 Running his hand up your inner thigh??? Put his hands on your knee???? Under what circumstances are they ever ok??? 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Normm Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 If he ran his finger up your inner thigh during a followup, I can't help but wonder where he put it when you were under general anesthesia. Link to post Share on other sites
frus69 Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 Running his hand up your inner thigh??? Put his hands on your knee???? Under what circumstances are they ever ok??? If there was just intense eye contact I may believe you two just genuinely felt for each other. But this??? Oh no...I honestly don't think he is decent Link to post Share on other sites
BaileyB Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 There is an awful lot of fantasizing happening here... Not saying he didn’t touch OP inappropriately, just wondering what is real and how much of this story has been created... 1 Link to post Share on other sites
Eugeleh Posted April 4, 2019 Share Posted April 4, 2019 One month later was our follow up visit. This time he asked me to come sit on the chair beside him. I get it, easier to talk that way Again though, the eye contact where I felt like he could see right through to my soul. When he was explaining something to me he ran his finger so gently up my inner thigh I had goosebumps and then he rested his hand on my knee for a few minutes. He scheduled a follow up visit even though I know his was not needed. Fast forward another 3 months. I could just see in his eyes he wanted to greet me with a hug instead of a handshake but one of the students was there. He confirmed all was good post op, we made a few jokes back and forth (we have the identical, twisted sense of humour), at this point it just felt like it was just the two of us in the room because we were so focused on each other. When I left he again hugged me while massaging my back. All the way down the hall I could hear him telling saying :She is such a sweetheart! Isn't she a sweetheart?" This would definitely merit a complaint to his state board or provincial college. Not sufficient for revocation but would likely merit a disciplinary hearing. Beyond inappropriate. Link to post Share on other sites
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