Author Purepony Posted April 4, 2019 Author Posted April 4, 2019 Never married, but sorta did the step parent thing for a couple of years. Some general things to consider when you're contemplating filling this role: - You don't have to love the kid, but the kid should never feel like you actively dislike him or her. Depending on the situation with the bio father, the child could already being feeling a sense of loss. That's one reason a mother needs to be careful who she brings around in the romantic context. - You have to be crazy about the woman, because there's gonna come times when the kid(s) really test you. All kids do. But if you're not super into the mom, you're gonna be left feeling unsatisfied with the whole situation when the kid is being awful and you're pretty much powerless. - Your mileage with a kid will vary. The woman I dated had two children. The oldest was definitely more intelligent, but was by far the most prone to meltdowns and just general unpleasantness. The younger one remains the sweetest, most caring child I've ever been around. So parenting is a factor, but it's no guarantee for how the child will behave. - Do not get overly involved if you are on the fence. If you're gonna be around for the long haul, obviously a time will come when you need to be around the child. But these things need not be rushed. Often it seems like the parent will bring the partner around the kids more because they want to see them rather than they think it's time for the child to bond with the partner. In your case, the mother is obviously got the main say in this, but don't be afraid to use common sense when it comes to getting too involved with the kid too soon. - Being a sorta-dad can be an awesome, rewarding experience. It's still the part about that relationship I think most fondly about and the aspect that made the breakup so difficult. It's a learning experience, and it'll feel overwhelming at times. But there's nothing quite like it when things are good. Blanco thank you for you sharing your personal experience. This really put me at ease and made me realize a few other things I had not thought about I do consider that if things don’t work how would it affect him and how would I be affect after because as a package I would lose both if it didn’t work out between us. That’s another reason I’m on the fence 1
Wallysbears Posted April 4, 2019 Posted April 4, 2019 My son is 3.5 He has NEVER slept past 6am...maybe 6:30am unless he's been sick. He has the energy of a thousand suns and is go go go ALL THE TIME. I wish I could bottle his energy because I'm pretty sure we could power a grid somewhere with it. That's just who he IS. Kids are hard. Not even going to sugar coat it. Some people get granted the perfect kid who is an angel and makes parenting look like a sunshine walk in the park....but parenting is HARD. You will not sleep in regularly. Your house will be chaos. Your schedule will have to flex because of kids. If you don't want or can't deal with that? Don't date a Mom with a kid. 1
manfrombelow2 Posted April 4, 2019 Posted April 4, 2019 Stay away from single mothers. Unless you want the rest of your life to be nothing but suffering and chaos. 2
Author Purepony Posted April 5, 2019 Author Posted April 5, 2019 Stay away from single mothers. Unless you want the rest of your life to be nothing but suffering and chaos. This is starting to become more true and true
loversquarrel Posted April 5, 2019 Posted April 5, 2019 Stay away from single mothers. Unless you want the rest of your life to be nothing but suffering and chaos. Lol so few words, so much sense. You'll be sorry, your resources will be spent on another man's child AND you get to deal with her BS. 1
Author Purepony Posted April 6, 2019 Author Posted April 6, 2019 Lol so few words, so much sense. You'll be sorry, your resources will be spent on another man's child AND you get to deal with her BS. Crap ! That’s so true !!
some_username1 Posted April 6, 2019 Posted April 6, 2019 Lol so few words, so much sense. You'll be sorry, your resources will be spent on another man's child AND you get to deal with her BS. Not only that, your resources will be spent on a child that you aren't even allowed to discipline! It beggars belief how men voluntarily sign up to this sort of deal where the woman gladly takes the new partner's money to provide a new school uniform etc yet holds fast to her and the deadbeat dad being the only two people on the planet who have a right to a say in how that kid is raised. Men who are willing to 'raise' another man's child whilst having their hands tied never cease to amaze me. Turkeys voting for Christmas, on steroids. tl;dr: RUN. Find a woman who will give you kids of your own.
Blanco Posted April 6, 2019 Posted April 6, 2019 Your mileage may vary. My ex’s son was one of the best things to ever come into my life.
some_username1 Posted April 6, 2019 Posted April 6, 2019 Your mileage may vary. My ex’s son was one of the best things to ever come into my life. With respect...do you play any part in that child's upbringing in the present day?
Blanco Posted April 6, 2019 Posted April 6, 2019 With respect...do you play any part in that child's upbringing in the present day? A limited role but that is by choice for various reasons. In fairness, his mother never expected me to pay for his necessities while we were together and she gave me fair authority to handle him and his sister as a parental figure after we had been together for a long time, so I can’t really relate to the horror stories some men tell about single moms trying to trap them.
basil67 Posted April 6, 2019 Posted April 6, 2019 My sister's kids love her new husband so much that they changed their names to his when they reached 18. (Her ex refused to see their kids, so he's out of the picture)
Author Purepony Posted April 6, 2019 Author Posted April 6, 2019 A limited role but that is by choice for various reasons. In fairness, his mother never expected me to pay for his necessities while we were together and she gave me fair authority to handle him and his sister as a parental figure after we had been together for a long time, so I can’t really relate to the horror stories some men tell about single moms trying to trap them. Yeah but that won’t be the case here she makes a dollar more than minimum wage and she would have to move in with me and I would handle the mortgage and all the bills. Her credit isn’t good and her car will give out any minute so that’s another problem I’ll have to deal with since I’ll probably have to guarantee the loan since she can’t qualify on her own That’s another concern since I’ll have to be the sole provider for everything
Author Purepony Posted April 6, 2019 Author Posted April 6, 2019 My sister's kids love her new husband so much that they changed their names to his when they reached 18. (Her ex refused to see their kids, so he's out of the picture) I really wish this was the case but the guy lingers in the shadows and really goes out of his way to add more drama
basil67 Posted April 6, 2019 Posted April 6, 2019 I really wish this was the case but the guy lingers in the shadows and really goes out of his way to add more drama Oh, there was LOADS of drama early on, but he eventually lost interest and went away. Credit to her new hubby for supporting her through it.
Ami1uwant Posted April 6, 2019 Posted April 6, 2019 So I was seeing a girl that I was really really into but after spending 5 days with her and her child at my house I asked for a break because I really don’t think I’m ready to become a step parent. Now am I being reasonable or crazy for asking for a few days to kind of adjust and think if this is what I really want ? I mean I know if we get married and have my own kids with this girl there will probably be some issues because I won’t peobably have the same feeling for a child that isn’t mine She says I’m getting cold feet I just will admit I’m scared because it’s a lot to handle Please advice me on what it’s like Thanks Why can’t you love a stepchild like it was your own?
Author Purepony Posted April 6, 2019 Author Posted April 6, 2019 Why can’t you love a stepchild like it was your own? I don’t know I just can’t, I don’t know if it’s the mess of a life she’s been through and somehow I know this child will just be nothing but problems down the road because of his surroundings I want my own child, maybe I’m just unreasonable and old school I told my grandmother about this girl because I really do adore her and after I told her about the child she replied with “she’s automatically disqualified” so maybe that has an influence
Ami1uwant Posted April 6, 2019 Posted April 6, 2019 I don’t know I just can’t, I don’t know if it’s the mess of a life she’s been through and somehow I know this child will just be nothing but problems down the road because of his surroundings I want my own child, maybe I’m just unreasonable and old school I told my grandmother about this girl because I really do adore her and after I told her about the child she replied with “she’s automatically disqualified” so maybe that has an influence How old are you? Did you want to have kids? Do any friends of yours married with kids?
Author Purepony Posted April 12, 2019 Author Posted April 12, 2019 I’m in my mid thirties and yes I want my own kids Most of my friends have kids I wanted two kids ideally but now since she has one I would only want one but right now I’m thinking I’m better of just leaving this relationship and starting something with a girl who doesn’t have kids and has more of a stable past and stable current situation 1
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