coolkiss Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 Okay, Here is my story....I have been with my b/f for 5 years. When we met, I wanted to be with him so bad. For the first 2 years, we were pretty much just friends with benifits, really the only thing we had was sex. I got pregnant with someone elses baby while we were not talking anymore. I called him to let him know that I was going to get married and have this guys baby. He then proseeded to say that he wanted to be with me and that he would be that father of this baby. Of course, I loved him and wanted to be with him so bad, that I dropped the other guy and I ended up having an abortion. I was then only 17 so, I did not want to bring a baby in this world not having a stable family. I hate that I pretty much killed my baby but it is the best thing for me in the long run. Me and my b/f moved in together and have been living together for 3 years. I do really love him but he is so freaking lazy. As far as the relationship goes, I give a 100% and he gives about 50%. Im so scared of not being with him but I dont want to have to take care of him my whole life. I just feel that he will always just do for him and I will do for both of us. There are so many days that I just want to get up and leave because he just annoys me. He never wants to pleasure me in any way. When he does try to touch me...I dont want him to. I know that I really really love him, im just confused and feel like maybe i'm not in love with him anymore. I am 20 and he is 23. Im just so scared that this is it, there is know excitment anymore. We do have lots of fun together but we just dont have that spark anymore. I think im just really bored and I feel that maybe we arent meant to be. What should I do! Is this normal???????????
questionsforyall Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 i think people are staying away from replying to this post because it deals with some heavy topics that most people like to steer away from, the internet might not be the best place to seek advice for your situation. i would say try to go to couples counselling, it might help you, i saw it on six feet under which is a good show, that you could watch together with your partner. thats my 2 cents
Tankgirl Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 Hi Coolkiss These are heavy topics to be askin online I agree. I have felt the same as far as not feeling that spark anymore....couples counseling can be great assuming you can get him to agree. Be sure to present in a way that lets him know YOU want to see a counselor and you would like him to come just to support you. Otherwise he will become defensive. Whenever I am PMS I have doubts about my relationship.... I know that sounds stupid but turns out alot of my girlfriends go thru it to. So now we have a rule. (barring abuse or infidelity ) any relationship issues around that time must wait at least two weeks before a rash decision is made...just to be sure. No one knows the interworkings of your relationship like you do. You know what is best. A relationship is not a prison sentance, it is a choice, and there are ALWAYS exits. Just make sure you really want to find one. Sometimes you might just want to remodel some instead Best of luck
Copingsaw Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 Impossible to answer this question with any certainty because its pretty deep. I will say one thing ... all long-term relationships get boring and loose some of their luster. That shouldn't spell the end of the relationship for you but it might. You need to find new ways to make your relationship worth staying in. As others mentioned, couseling is a good start. I suspect you won't do that. Perhaps relationship advice books? One thing is for sure, don't move forward with the relationship if it makes you unhappy.
downcydeguy Posted September 24, 2005 Posted September 24, 2005 The emotions you're going through are very normal at your age. You're going through many changes whether you notice them all or not. I don't agree with the above statement about LTRs losing their luster, but I do agree with the comment about needing to continuously discover new and exciting things together. Your b/f is in the "comfort zone" right now. This is absolutely natural in all relationships. However, this comfort can quickly manifest into "taking for granted", and will cause a lot more hurt than help. When you two are alone, pour your heart out about your feelings. He'll either change his ways or you can leave. Heartbreak is very scary but can open new doors to a much better future sometimes. I wish you all the luck.
Author coolkiss Posted September 26, 2005 Author Posted September 26, 2005 Thank you all for your replies! They have all been awesome help! I do not think that I would want to go to counseling. I have talked to my b/f and told him how I feel about our relationship. Things just seem to get worse. I just feel that it is just too late for him to try. I dont feel that love for him anymore. We had a fight and I pretty much told him that I do want him to leave, that I dont think that we are supposed to be together anymore. I then asked him if he thought that we were soul mates...he told me no! Then wouldnt that mean that we shouldnt be together if we arent meant to be?? He just says that I am a bitch and I dont know what I want. I may not know what I want but I do know what I dont want. He then just says, when I want him to leave..then just tell him. I have told him and I dont know what else to say for him to go. I dont want to be mean because I do love him and it is going to be really hard to see him go. But I just dont think that there is anything to save in this relationship. Im sure that we could have an okay life together but I want a great life with someone that wants to make me happy no matter what. I dont want to settle for this..im just scared. You know Im to the point were I rather be alone and unhappy, then be with him and unhappy. I thought for so long that he was my soul mate but he isent. If he was, then I wouldnt be feeling this way. He just really discust me and I dont think that there is anything that is going to make me look differently about him. I know he loves me and I love him but I think that maybe love just isent enough sometimes.
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