chellyr Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 Have been partnered for 5 years. In the last month she has distanced herself. Basically she says she is unhappy and angry. She says she has been telling me for the last year. I know that we have had some problems and that we both have things to work on and communication is one of them. I don't think it is worth giving up on our last 5 years. I don't want it to end. It seems like she does. She says she is not sure at this point. I want so bad for us to be close again, close like we were, but I don't mean we have to go back to the way things were. I am confused as to what or how I should act or behave for now. We live together and everything is shared. Our money goes in one pot so at this point we are unable to just split. I am doing alot of reading to try and figure out what I should do but nothing talks about how to act if you have to still live together. I think that what I should probably do is let her be in the drivers seat. I am gonna act like the relationship is over and if she wants to spend time together or be close or talk or what have you she can initiate it. I am hoping that perhaps with some time she might want to renew our relationship and go and get some counseling and read the stuff that I have found that could help us. Any input would be appreciated. Thanks.
LucreziaBorgia Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 I am gonna act like the relationship is over and if she wants to spend time together or be close or talk or what have you she can initiate it. That is the best thing you can do for now. Trying to 'fix' things right now will only accelerate the process for the worse. Try to be as patient as you can, and do not go out of your way to act distant, cold or angry. Do not bring up your relationship. Do not suggest books/therapy, etc to her. These are things she needs to be able to seek out on her own and she will resent your implications - even though they are done with the best interests in mind. The best thing to do is put on an indifferent front toward her, and try to find things/interests outside of what you two had together to start doing. The happier you appear with these outside things, the less pressure she will perceive to be on her - and it is only in a relatively pressure and guilt-free environment that she will even consider reconciliation. It won't be easy, though - it will require some acting on your part for a while, but hopefully if you are able to find some outside hobbies/things you take interest in and begin to genuinely enjoy you will find that it isn't an act - you are actually taking pleasure in things having nothing to do with her and will be able to take your focus off the negative situation you have going on now. You will also want to begin considering separate residences, and separating your finances - you don't have to tell her that you are considering this but you don't have to exactly hide it either. She should be aware that even as she is making her distance, you are doing the same (passively, though - if you make a point of it she will see this as "spite" on your part even though it might not be.)
Author chellyr Posted September 23, 2005 Author Posted September 23, 2005 LucreziaBorgia , Thanks so much for your imput I have been looking to see if anyone at all responding to my post. I actually am trying to do just what you have suggested. She gave me a card the other day that says she loves me and always will. That she is sorry the way things are right now and that she is doing the best she can. I guess it can be taken as a good thing or a bad thing. Again thanks for your imput. Muchell
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