whichwayisup Posted October 22, 2005 Share Posted October 22, 2005 Ghost Shyt: The kind where you feel the Shyt come out, but there is no Shyt in the toilet. Clean-Get-Away Shyt: The kind where you Shyt it out, see it in the toilet, but there is nothing on the toilet paper. Wet Shyt: The kind where you wipe your butt 50 times and it still feels unwiped, so you have to put some toilet paper between your butt and underwear, so you won't ruin them with a stain. Second Wave Shyt: This happens when you're done Shyting and you've pulled up your pants to your knees, and you realize that you have to Shyt some more. Pop-A-Vein-In-Your-Forehead-Brain-Hemmorage-Shyt: The kind where you strain so much to get it out,you practically have a stroke. Gassy Shyt: It's so noisy, everyone within earshot is laughing. Drinker Shyt: The kind of Shyt you have the morning after a long night of drinking. Its most noticeable trait is the skid marks on the bottom of the toilet. Lincoln Log Shyt: The kind of Shyt that is so huge you're afraid to flush without first breaking it into little pieces with the toilet brush. Corn Shyt: Self-explanatory. Gee-I-Wish-I-Could-Shyt Shyt: The kind where you want to Shyt but all you do is sit on the toilet and fart a few times. Spinal Tap Shyt: That's where it hurts so badly coming out, you would swear it was leaving you sideways. Wet Cheeks Shyt: The kind that comes out of your butt so fast, your butt gets splashed with water. Liquid Shyt: The kind where yellowish-brown liquid shoots out your butt and splashes all over the toilet bowl. Mexican Shyt: It smells so bad your nose burns. The Surprise Shyt: You're not even at the toilet because you are sure you're about to fart, but oops ... a shyt!!! The Dangling Shyt: This Shyt refuses to drop into the toilet even though you know you are done Shyting it. You just pray that a shake or two will break it loose. Crowd Pleaser Shyt: This shyt is so intriguing in size and/or appearance that you have to show it to someone before flushing. Mood Enhancer Shyt: This shyt occurs after a lengthy period of constipation, thereby allowing you to be your old self again. Ritual Shyt: This shyt occurs at the same time each day and is accomplished with the aid of a newspaper or other reading materials. THE GUINESS BOOK OF RECORDS SHYT: A shyt so noteworthy it should be recorded for future generations. THE AFTERSHOCK SHYT: This shyt has an odour so powerful than anyone entering the vicinity within the next 7 hours is affected. THE "HONEYMOON'S OVER" SHYT: This is any shyt created in the presence of another person. THE GROANER: A shyt so huge it cannot exit without vocal assistance. THE FLOATER: Characterized by its floatability, this shyt has been known to resurface after many flushings. THE RANGER: A shyt which refuses to let go. It is usually necessary to engage in a rocking or bouncing motion, but quite often the only solution is to push it away with a small piece of toilet paper. THE PHANTOM SHYT: This appears in the toilet mysteriously and no one will admit to putting it there. THE PEEK-A-BOO SHYT: Now you see it, now you don't. This shyt is playing games with you. Requires patience and muscle control. THE BOMBSHELL: A shyt that comes as a complete surprise at a time that is either inappropriate to shyt (ie. during lovemaking or a root canal) or you are nowhere near shytting facilities. THE SNAKE CHARMER: A long skinny shyt which has managed to coil itself into a frightening position - usually harmless. THE OLYMPIC SHYT: This shyt occurs exactly one hour prior to the start of any competitive event in which you are entered and bears a close resemblance to the Drinker's Shyt. THE BACK-TO-NATURE SHYT: This shyt may be of any variety but is always deposited either in the woods or while hiding behind the passenger side of your car. THE PEBBLES-FROM-HEAVEN SHYT: An adorable collection of small turds in a cluster, often a gift from God when you actually CAN'T shyt. PREMEDITATED SHYT: Laxative induced. Doesn't count. SHYTZOPHERENIA: Fear of shytting - can be fatal! ENERGIZER vs DURACELL SHYT: Also known as a "Still Going" shyt. THE POWER DUMP SHYT: The kind that comes out so fast, you barely get your pants down when you're done. THE LIQUID PLUMBER SHYT: This kind of shyt is so big it plugs up the toilet and it overflows all over the floor. (You should have followed the advice from the Lincoln Log Shyt.) THE "I THINK I'M GIVING BIRTH THROUGH MY a**h***" SHYT: Similar to the Lincoln Log and The Spincal Tap Shyts. The shape and size of the turd resembles a tall boy beer can. Vacuous air space remains in the rectum for some time afterwards. THE PORRIDGE SHYT: The type that comes out like toothpaste, and just keeps on coming. You have two chooces: (a) flush and keep going, or (b) risk it piling up to your butt while you sit there helpless. THE "I'M GOING TO CHEW MY FOOD BETTER" SHYT: When the bag of Dorritos you ate last night lacerates the insides of your rectum on the way out in the morning. THE "I THINK I'M TURNING INTO A BUNNY" SHYT: When you drop lots of cute, little round ones that look like marbles and make tiny splashing sounds when they hit the water. THE "WHAT THE HELL DIED IN HERE?" SHYT: Also sometimes referred to as The Toxic Dump. Of course you don't warn anyone of the poisonous bathroom odour. Instead, you stand innocently near the door and enjoy the show as they run out gaggin and gasping for air. I've done ALL those before. Each one cracks me up too! Hehehe...s*** talk and fart talk is hilarious... Link to post Share on other sites
Author alphamale Posted October 22, 2005 Author Share Posted October 22, 2005 I've done ALL those before. Each one cracks me up too! Hehehe...s*** talk and fart talk is hilarious... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 22, 2005 Share Posted October 22, 2005 ah ha hahahaaahhhahahah!ahaha h hhaha! As you would you say.... Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 This sucks! I can't s*** and have been trying to for afew days now. I'm on day 3 ... All I got is those pure smellin' pre-poo farts but the poo never happens. I can sit on the crapper for 20 mins, all I do is toot abit and that's that. I refuse to get one of those pills ya shove up the ass! I had some bran and afew glasses of water...Hopefully tomorrow a coffee/smoke first thing in the AM (not Alphamale ) will get my bowels going again. Yup, something about a smoke/coffee combo, right Alpha? Link to post Share on other sites
933KJL Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Tmi Wwiu...tmi Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 those pure smellin' pre-poo farts Concentrated Farts.. Whew !!! Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Coco Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 I promised myself I wasn't going to post on this thread but I had to tell my embarrasing poop story. This happened on the first day of a job many years ago. I had to go. Went to flush the toilet and to my horror I see poop rising instead of going down the toilet! I stood there helpless watching rise higher and higher until the f'in mess was on the floor. T The bathroom was right off the main office with a very thin door and I was cursing under my breath, trying to figure out what to do. There was NO way, I was going out there to ask for help with my **** floating all over the bathroom. What to do? What to do? I thought, well there's nothing I can do about the flood in there...no mop and not enough paper towels so I thought, I'd at LEAST pick up the poop. I picked it up with some paper towels and shoved the frickin' mess in the bottom of the garbage pail. My shoes were soaked. I washed my hands and with all the dignity I could muster opened the bathroom door and informed the manager that the toilet was backed up. What an ordeal! I got such a laugh out of some of these posts! It's so true about men and their bathroom "rituals." That made me laugh. I just can't quite bring myself to post about my bathroom habits at this point though but I thought I'd share my poop story. Link to post Share on other sites
933KJL Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Good one. I like that one! Link to post Share on other sites
Hot Coco Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Good one. I like that one! Thanks! I wonder what the janitor thought when he emtied the garbage pail? Cute picture of you with your g/f by the way! Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 She IS cute. Not a lab though. Link to post Share on other sites
933KJL Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 It is a previous owner. That is not me! As for the janitor, he probably called one of his co-workers and said, "hey man, come here and look at this $hit!" Link to post Share on other sites
johan Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Oh wait. Now that I look closer, I see: That IS a lab. A yellow one. Glad I caught that. Link to post Share on other sites
Art_Critic Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 wrong thread... what is this Cr** posting about your problem on 2 threads.. Link to post Share on other sites
Sloppy Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 You cradle robber you.... you never said she was so young.. This will never work... I feel like I've been lied to.. Boy it's amazing when the whole story come out.. She needs to find someone closer to her age.. Sorry....You need to move on and heal You also need to go NC right away and allow her to move on and heal from the heart-break you caused her! BTW how is her BM? Link to post Share on other sites
whichwayisup Posted October 31, 2005 Share Posted October 31, 2005 Tmi Wwiu...tmi WTF did you think this thread was about? Sweet smellin' roses??? You don't like, don't read it DA! And, you're thread stealing on ALPHA's POO thread. Stop it eh! Bad bad boy.... Link to post Share on other sites
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