SunShineAngels Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 I met a guy two years ago abroad, we had a date( just maybe two hours?) there. Since we were both from different countries, we said good bye and back to our country.( We kissed but nothing sexual) After that he started to text me sayig he miss me a lot. He always text me from him, at the beginning was several times a week, then probably once or twice a month. At first he said he will come to visit me, then he said his job is too busy( that’s true though), and he hope me to visit him. Actually I was quite interested in his place, but not so much into him. So I said ok I can go to visit. Then we were talking about my visit for about 8 months, I got distant when he text me if I decided my schedule.(He keep asking me for months) He said he will show me around. I went distant because I wasn’t interested in him at all. I think he was pissed and stopped following my insta. Months later, I started to think I need something fun in my life like a travel, this reminded me him, then I texted him, saying actually I wanted to visit him but just had some issues here. Obviously he wasn’t happy as I was distant, but he said if I really want to visit him I can and he will be free A,B,C these three days. I said okay I will go. He said he misses me with kiss emoji. But I wasn’t interested in kissing him anymore.I always replied him with no emoji, and he stopped emoji' too. Then I went to his place. I planed to stay 5 days, as he suppose to show me around for 3 days.(He said he is free A,B,C) On day A afternoon we met, he showed me around the town. He dressed well, acted totally gentleman, didn’t touch me at all, nothing like the first time we met two years ago. He sent me back hotel and saying he will change and pick me up for dinner. So i dressed up and he dressed well we went for dinner. Dinner was okay, I don’t know how is it spending 50EURO on a dinner for a 23 years old guy. I looked happy and gave him a lot of compliment. Like he looks great his story is funny etc. He was very gentleman, walked me back, and he kissed me once. It wasn't good as before, then I was sure again Iwasn't interested in him. In front of the hotel he asked me what do I want to do. I said probably I go back to my room. He said okay and left. The I texted him: Thank you for dinner and telling me these stories, I did so like that! Good night kiss to you(Kiss Emoji). Blue ticks. But he didn't reply in 18 hours. 18 hours later, He: Yes it was nice! Sorry I didn't see your massage! For this evenning you can go to this and that event if you want to. Whaat. He didn’t contact me next day,(DayB) but told me where to go for a cool event, and checked if I was there. I said no I didn't go and was pissed as he said he would be free day A,B,C. The dayC (day3) he texted me in the morning saying he must go work today, and don’t know what time to finish, but he will let me know. I was like’ sure!’ but went out with a cute guy I met during my solo trip. 9pm at night I still didn’t get a text from this guy so I asked him if we are still meeting. He said sorry he had to work whole day and he is still working. Well I know he has a special job which is very tough, however I feel he didn’t respect my time as he could of texted me earlier. Tough I wasn’t there specially for him, at least I was visiting his country alone. And here is our text: Me: Are we still meeting? He: Hi just finished work now and I am beginning again at 22, I am so sorry I would like to have more time with you, I did maximum I can do Me: Well I dont know what to say, I though you would be free. He: I hope you not disappointing, I thought I would’ too, but my job is this terrible. Me: I don't know what to say, If you didn't want to see me you could be honest. He: No!!! It was pleasure to see you! I am sorry if you think this...I hope you had a good time here. --- Done. I didn't reply. Probably we just don't feel some sparks to each other anymore. He was checking my schedules, and telling me his schedule is uncertain several times. But still, I felt he acted really rude. He could of told me if he can't make whole three days, he was wasting my time. And I was abroad alone. But well I did tell him I met some cool people here, we hang out sometime. And I dont think he think I'm here specially for him. What do you think? Is he self centered/ rude or I'm too demanding? One good thing for me is I did meet some cool people duirng my solo trip, and a sweet guy, he hanged out with me being very nice all the time so I wasn't lonely. Thank you for reading this long thread.
whichwayisup Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 You're sending him mixed signals. You are NOT into him and he's into you. You flirt or are being too friendly and he obviously can't handle it. I think he thinks you're playing games with him and because of that he's playing hot/cold with you. Enjoy your last few days and when you go home, don't keep in touch with him anymore. It's obvious he can't be 'just friends' with you. 1
ExpatInItaly Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 You're sending him mixed signals. You are NOT into him and he's into you. You flirt or are being too friendly and he obviously can't handle it. I think he thinks you're playing games with him and because of that he's playing hot/cold with you. Yes, this is my read on it too. You aren't interested in him romantically, he knows it, and isn't interested in just being friends with you. Sorry, OP. I think you two need to close this chapter.
MaleIntuition Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 You are in some need for introspection; you have been playing around and acting interested (?) for your own benefit - not cool. Don’t expect to be treated well if you keep using people. 3
Author SunShineAngels Posted April 1, 2019 Author Posted April 1, 2019 Hi guys Thank you for your reply. I'd like to ask how could you think he is into me?
Author SunShineAngels Posted April 1, 2019 Author Posted April 1, 2019 I didn't reply his text yesterday saying sorry he was too busy. And then I got his text again now. He: Good return to home? I hope you are not disappointed of your trip... ------------- I dun know what to say again. If I said no I actually had a good time then he will feel better?! I could reply him like: -I don't know. I checked your schedule and then you wasted my time. That wasn't nice things to do. My time is precious. -Actually yes. I told you I met a guy happens to be my colleague(what a small world) he was with me all the time to hang out, it was fun. And you were boring. -Well. I though we could hang out more. Anyway, I got to know your job is really tough. I hope you'll have good life. -Yeah I had a good time but not with you. You wasted my time, don't think youself too good. -------------- But now I just ignored him.
clia Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 I actually think you were the one who was rude. You had no interest in him -- you said that several times in your post. And yet you expected him to take three days to show you around and take you out? I mean, what? I'm actually glad to see he saw through you after the first day and didn't fall for it. You were obviously just using him as a tour guide. 4
stillafool Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 (edited) How did he waste your time? You said you weren't interested in him but just wanted to visit his homeland. You went out with another guy while you were there. If you were bored why didn't you contact the other guy you went out with and spend more time with him? It seems that you were the one who thought you were better than him and now you know the truth. Plus, if he was so boring why would you want to hang out with him again. I think he thought you were boring to. Edited April 1, 2019 by stillafool
Author SunShineAngels Posted April 1, 2019 Author Posted April 1, 2019 Even friends could be tour guides. Like me if I have a friend come my place I will definately show him up. I wasn't interested much yes, but I respected his time and was being really nice to him.
Author SunShineAngels Posted April 1, 2019 Author Posted April 1, 2019 He said A,B,C he will be free. Thats why I adjusted my schedule to see him as he would be free. Then we met A afternoon, B,C came out he had to work, for date C he said he will let me know when he finished but he didn't give me a contact. I hanged out with another guy because he was this uncertain. And this guy wanted to hang out with me all the time, acted extremely nice. I don't think I'm better than him but he is a guy, and I'm a girl visiting his country. I never told him I wasn't interested.
stillafool Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 It sounds like he was being really nice to you also when he was with you. Why didn't you ask the other guy you dated to give you a tour?
todreaminblue Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 hey op, i dont feel you were very respectful of his time and his energy...you wanted to visit the country not him,you had no real interest in him.... i dont feel he was rude to you i do however feel that you were rude to him.....he treated you well when he was with you....he treated you like a gentleman ...you wrote that...... do you really feel like you treated him well....i feel that you would have personal growth from giving this man an apology for your rudeness and wish him well in life he didnt deserve to be treated with anything but respect as he treated you like a gentleman....so like a lady would...apologise.......and really mean it....then live your life regret free..good luck....deb 1
ExpatInItaly Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 (edited) I never told him I wasn't interested. You didn't have to say it; your behaviour made it clear. Anyway, it's done now. Just leave it be and go your separate ways, for good. You don't even live in the same area so it should be easy for you to let go and move on. How you reply to him now isn't particularly relevant anymore. Edited April 1, 2019 by ExpatInItaly
Gretchen12 Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 He had to work. The world does not revolve around you. Grow up. 2
losangelena Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 I think you should have told him you weren’t interested in him. He liked you, so not letting him know you’re not interested is basically leading him on. You also let him show you around all day, then you go and you get dressed up for dinner and let him pay—well that sounds like a date to me. I'm not surprised he felt disappointed after that. I agree with the others. I think you were conveniently in touch with him after you decided to go to his country. That’s very disingenuous, and guess what, people can see through that. 4
smackie9 Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 By not sending a cute emoji isn't proper communication...you are not 12 years old. Here's a tip: if you are not interested, stop playing games, and just tell the guy flat out...in a nice way, and be done with it. Remember the only reason why these guys even talk to you is in hopes to get with you. They are not interested in being friends, they want sex, they want someone to date, they want a GF...period. Don't toy with them with passive messages of disinterest. If you want a tour guide, find a guy you wouldn't mind sleeping with. 1
preraph Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 You said yourself you were more interested in where he lived than in him, so let's stop persecuting him for not continuing to try to engage you. He knew what you were doing and opted to bow out, and I don't blame him. He was under no obligation to entertain what amounts to a tourist for her entire stay. He behaved very well and did show you around and never did anything the least bit rude. But he knew you were not interested in him and decided to stop wasting his time with you. 1
Author SunShineAngels Posted April 1, 2019 Author Posted April 1, 2019 Thanks for all your comments. Actually I thought I would have feelings to him if I see him again, since I had small feelings towards him two years ago. But I couldn't feel any sparks when he was around this time. And yes he acted very well. Since I was kinda mad he didn't text me when he finished his work, though he said he would in the mornning, he texted me twice. Asking hope I wasn't dissapointed. He apologized his job is unusual. he thought he could have more time with me. I don't know what to say. Why he still text me? I'm struggling reply him or just let it go forever.
Author SunShineAngels Posted April 1, 2019 Author Posted April 1, 2019 Probably it's me don't understand a guy's feeling about either love relationship or nothing. Dun know what should I reply his text. .. I still want to reply but really don't know how.
stillafool Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 Probably it's me don't understand a guy's feeling about either love relationship or nothing. Dun know what should I reply his text. .. I still want to reply but really don't know how. Just reply "I understand and wish you well". Then let it go since you said yourself you found him "boring". Move on.
ExpatInItaly Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 Probably it's me don't understand a guy's feeling about either love relationship or nothing. Dun know what should I reply his text. .. I still want to reply but really don't know how. At the end of the day, what do you want out of all of this? You don't live in the same countries. You are not into him romantically. What is it you're struggling to let go of, exactly? It sounds to me like your ego is bruised that he didn't want to spend more time with you, regardless of the fact that you're not interested in him. 1
Versacehottie Posted April 2, 2019 Posted April 2, 2019 What Gretchen said ^^^^ And what DO you want from him? I just think your ego's is bruised as well. You can't play games with people's emotions and time and expect never to get burned yourself--sometimes you will.
MsJayne Posted April 2, 2019 Posted April 2, 2019 Maybe I've misinterpreted your post, but it sounds like you wanted to visit the place where he lives and thought you could use him as a tour guide and for companionship at your convenience. He saw through you and rightly decided he wasn't paying for any more of your lunches or dinners. He's very polite, many people would have just deleted and blocked you when they realised they'd been used.
Author SunShineAngels Posted April 2, 2019 Author Posted April 2, 2019 Thank you for all comments. Yes I have a big ego but he has' too. I don't feel good because he told me he will be free these three days to take me out. And I was extremely nice to him. Then he said he has to work and made me wait like he might ping me. I don't know if he did it on purpose. If not on purpose he could of let me know earlier. That's not nice. Though he took me out for one date, however it was him said he would. Before I see him the first day on my travel I had small feelings to him. I brought nice clothes, dressed up to see him. I tought we will have really good time here together. Then let's see what happens later. But after dinner I realized there wasn't any feelings. That's true. But I didn't show it. It would still be nice if we go out for another two days I didn't expect him to pay again. Still whatever happens, he should keep his promise to show me around as he said he would be free. Or let me know earlier so I could make other plans. If he did it on purpose he is narrow minded playing little games. I haven't met any guy like that, even you are little bit aloof guys will continue contact you or say some jokes to you then everything is good. They are not this narrow minded. I don't know if I'm too dimanding toward guys. If he'd come to my country I will take him out for three days and treat him extremely nice. No matter friend or love interest whatever. This is being nice and polite, as he is in your place. What I felt is he is playing' I'm better than you', as a guy, I think this is narrow minded and rude. And now he is apologizing I just feel well if you did that on purpose...
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