ericw899 Posted March 31, 2019 Posted March 31, 2019 I normally go out to a local bar by myself, since I really have no friends to go with. I have been going alone for probably around 6 months now. All of a sudden though, the last two times I have been there, I was approached by good looking women to come hang out with them and their group of friends. This has never happened before last week. The reason I ask if it is out of sympathy, is because I normally just sit alone, where it is painfully obvious that I don't have anyone. The girl last night even said to me that I "looked bored" which I assume means lonely. While I am very grateful to these girls for inviting me to join them and their friends (which I did accept) I don't want to only talked to girls out of sympathy. I guess I should add, that I recently have payed more attention to my appearance. I've got a new haircut, which looks a lot better and the bartender even said she liked it, so I'm wondering if this factors into all of these offers to hangout all of a sudden. I know the girl last night had a boyfriend, and the one from last week I believe was single, but I didn't get the vibe that there was romantic interest, it felt more like a sympathetic offer. I guess I'm just wondering do girls approach sad looking guys out of sympathy and why all of a sudden is it happening now & not the previous 5 months?
smackie9 Posted March 31, 2019 Posted March 31, 2019 I would say ya sympathy, because most women are nurturers, so they come to the rescue. it's just luck of the draw that this has happened, not that you are looking more attractive. Sorry to say this but you do look like a sad sap, and it's not good. You are best to stop hanging out in bars alone.. Start finding ways to make friends, like through work or a hobby, or a club of some kind. Put your effort into doing that, and develop a social circle. That is how you meet women in a more positive light. 1
basil67 Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 I wouldn't call it sympathy. I'd call it thoughtfulness. And not all girls do it, but my sister in law has been known to do the same thing. Next time you go the pub, go up and say Hi to them. Even if there's no romantic interest in that group, if they include you, you could start to build more friends via them.
preraph Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 Holy cow, Eric, that new haircut and effort to look better is paying off! Congratulations. No, this is not a pity invitation. Women steer away from guys that need pity for whatever reason. That is a nice group of friendly girls who were just being nice and it is a golden opportunity to join them and get to know each one of them and maybe ask if they want to meet again next Friday or something, as a group. Eventually, one will make her interest known some way, I bet. See what new look can do, gentlemen?
emeraldgreen Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 It doesn't matter why they started talking, just that you make something of it when they do. Open up your body language, use them for conversation practice. They might even hook you up with a friend if they see you're way more than the quiet guy. 3
Andy_K Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 I wouldn't question their motivations. The important thing is, that the easiest way to meet people is through other people. Even if the girls who invited you to hang out with them aren't single, they will have friends who are. If they decide they like you, there's every chance they'll try to set you up. Don't go in with any expectations other than being sociable, and see what happens 1
Wallysbears Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 This is good! You can make a new group of friends and see where it goes! 1
FMW Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 I can't imagine I or my friends would invite a guy to join our group out of sympathy. They must find something about you interesting enough to want to talk to you. If nothing else it's good practice as talking with new people and will add to your confidence. Confidence is sexy and draws attention, so make the most of the opportunity. 1
mark clemson Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 I agree with the above. People, both men and women, are visual creatures. I suspect you've gone from "sad guy sitting in a bar" to "prospect" in their eyes. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted April 2, 2019 Posted April 2, 2019 Because they waited 5 months for you to ask them out and they finally said f*ck it and had to do your job for you
Author ericw899 Posted April 7, 2019 Author Posted April 7, 2019 Well it just happened again last night. I was at the same bar & this pretty girl waved me over to the dance floor. We danced a little bit & we had some small talk & even introduced me to her hot friend. I must be doing something right, I just wish I knew what it was. Also I wish I could have seized the opportunity more 1
Foxhall Posted April 7, 2019 Posted April 7, 2019 cool, I am an established member now! when I made my first post here, it was really just for thoughts on my own personal problem and I had not planned to stay around. but I am enjoying staying around, interesting to read other peoples issues and also the observation that personally anyway I can view other folks problems much more clearly than my own. Anyway just on this thread, this is good Eric, the hands of fate have dealt you a good hand here and one you deserved by the sounds of it, use these recent interactions to propel you forward, keep trying to meet new people, join a few groups and use your new found confidence to approach and engage with new people, the days of moping in the corner are over.
Lotsgoingon Posted April 7, 2019 Posted April 7, 2019 Dude, you say this has happened twice ... might be random. Who cares? No, lots of men go to bars alone ... sit alone and don't get called over to sit with a group of women. That's the norm. Don't analyze this brother. Engage. Do you like these women? Did you have a good time when you joined them? I assume you DID join them. It's what you do when you're with them--your energy, your personality, your laugh, all of that--that matters. I've met close friends by reaching out to them because they seemed isolated or lonely ... and vice versa--I seemed isolated. In fact, some of these folks weren't isolated--just appeared that way ... and the relationship took off ... and no one thinks for one second later about whether the friendship started because someone looked alone or lonely. Engage and enjoy and learn.
rightondude Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 are you getting numbers from these encounters? If not, why the heck not? As to why it's happening, who cares? Don't argue with success brother! 1
smackie9 Posted April 8, 2019 Posted April 8, 2019 (edited) When I was out clubing a would grab anybody just to go out on the dance floor...when I got refused I would tell then if they don't ever dance with women they won't get laid. That being said, don't sit there waiting for opportunity. Get off your butt and ask women to dance. After they have had enough thank them for the dance and ask them if they are single....oh and then offer a drink ...sit and chat, ask later for their number....heavy flirting, etc. BTW work on getting yourself a wing man. Edited April 8, 2019 by smackie9
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