mortensorchid Posted March 31, 2019 Posted March 31, 2019 I met someone this evening, an internet date. We met at a restaurant and he was ... Refreshing. Based on the d bags I have encountered as of late that is. He moved closer to me at the table and then put his hands on my knee under it, which I did not brush off. We ate, this wasn't one of those drink a glass of water and dash off kind of nights which was nice. We talked a lot. Then we called it a night. We parted at the door, he hugged me good-bye. He didn't walk me to my car but I was okay with that since it's somewhat of a safety issue. Feel good? Well, yes I do. Save for one factor. He asked if I wanted to go to his house which was nearby. I said no because, after all, I didn't know him at all. This makes me ... Exercise caution. But he seemed okay with that. Should I be concerned? He asked me to text him when I got home and I did. I said I had a good time and he said he did as well, awesome conversation time. 1
Normm Posted March 31, 2019 Posted March 31, 2019 It's a first date and he had his hand on your knee in almost no time and he was trying to get you back to his place. You say he's better than the D bags you've been meeting. Sorry I'm not seeing a difference. Clearly they're all looking for the same thing. 2
snowcones Posted March 31, 2019 Posted March 31, 2019 Meh, not impressed by the hand on the knee and asking you to come back to his place. 1
Gretchen12 Posted March 31, 2019 Posted March 31, 2019 What do you mean he seemed ok with you not going to his house? How can he not be ok with that?! What, get mad? force you? beg? Now if he writes "she seemed ok with my hand on her knee", that's worth mentioning because not everyone is ok with that. I think you've gone out with too many jerks and now your standards and expectations have lowered. 1
basil67 Posted March 31, 2019 Posted March 31, 2019 What do you mean he seemed ok with you not going to his house? How can he not be ok with that?! What, get mad? force you? beg? It's not like we haven't all experienced the latter options in our past. So yeah, a guy who accepts a 'no' with grace is a nice alternative. 3
Mrs._December Posted March 31, 2019 Posted March 31, 2019 We all know what Casanova wanted. Your next date with this guy will probably be spent fighting him off as he gets more aggressive with you. Against my better judgment, I agreed to be the 'date' of a guy I'd just met who needed a date for his coworker's wedding. At the freakin' church he kept putting his hand on my knee! Then at the reception, the fool paraded me around to everyone, told them I was his 'girlfriend' and had has hands on me the whole entire day and night. On the way home, he kept telling me he couldn't wait to be 'alone' with me. Puke. This troglodyte's intentions were painfully clear the second he started with the hand on the knee crap and progressed to continually moving his hands down to my butt when I stupidly agreed to dance to a slow song at the reception. I literally tore open the car door and ran off on him the second he pulled into the place where I'd left my car. I'd had ENOUGH. I'm just too old for this high school horse-**** and I'm betting you are too, OP. 1
Simple Logic Posted March 31, 2019 Posted March 31, 2019 If you had removed his hand from your knee you would not have received the come to my house invite. Set your first date boundaries higher. While this guy econically wasnt a loser, it still doesn’t sound like he is LTR material.
losangelena Posted March 31, 2019 Posted March 31, 2019 I probably would have gone home with him, but that’s just me, lol. 4
NuevoYorko Posted March 31, 2019 Posted March 31, 2019 I'm not impressed with the guy (he didn't walk you to your car because it's a "safety issue"??) but if you enjoyed yourself, that's really the bottom line.
preraph Posted March 31, 2019 Posted March 31, 2019 The moment he put his hand on your knee on the first date, you should know that he is escalating sex as soon as possible. Hand on knee after you've had sex is just sexy, but hand on knee before sex is escalation to sex. So he made his intention known. He was a gentleman that you didn't go for it, but he will no doubt be bailing sometime soon if there isn't sex and sex is probably what he's looking for. Still, if you are having a sex drought and are not going to let yourself get all emotional and can just have sex with him and enjoy it, go for it. But you've been on here long enough to know he's not going to magically be converted to love just because you bang him. So just know it going in. 1
preraph Posted March 31, 2019 Posted March 31, 2019 I will just give him credit for one thing: He made his intentions known that this is physical. It's more honest than someone who fools you into thinking he cares what you're blathering about only because he wants to trick you into sex. This guy wasn't tricking you, but sex is still all he wants. But he was up front about it. True, he could have just worn a tie that said "Me so horny" and accomplished the same thing.
FMW Posted March 31, 2019 Posted March 31, 2019 Interesting turnaround - we're all usually telling mortensorchid to be more positive but this time we're kind of letting the air out of her tires I do agree with the others that the hand on the knee and the invitation to his house were kind of skeezy. So as you indicated, mortensorchid, exercise caution if you decide to see him again. I'm glad you enjoyed the date though and that the conversation was good.
preraph Posted March 31, 2019 Posted March 31, 2019 Mortenschild, I don't think this happens to you often (and again, I give him credit for making his intentions known and still being polite about it), but if you are trying to dress sexy for dates, don't, because it might just embolden guys to go this route. I have trouble imagining (unless someone has been sexting them beforehand - hope you didn't do that) that a guy would try this with someone who was just dressed feminine but not in a way that tried to look sexy. I may be totally off base, but I am guilty of having dressed overtly sexy when I was young, and it takes a certain crowd to pull it off and not be misconstrued. For example when with my crowd, it was kind of the norm out at music gigs. But when I dressed that way and went to New Orleans, I had to ask some people walking ahead of me to get some frat boys to get off me who were offering me money!
CautiouslyOptimistic Posted March 31, 2019 Posted March 31, 2019 He didn't walk me to my car but I was okay with that since it's somewhat of a safety issue. He asked if I wanted to go to his house which was nearby. I said no because, after all, I didn't know him at all. This makes me ... Exercise caution. But he seemed okay with that. Seems like you're already making excuses for him, so...proceed with caution. I wouldn't rule out a second date just based on this, but make sure it's in a public place.
Blind-Sided Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 I'm +20 years out of the dating scene... but as a guy... I would even say that was a little aggressive. Don't get me wrong... in my younger years, there were a couple one night stands... but the girl was the aggressor in those situations. I guess, if I was looking for a real relationship to start... and I felt things were going ok... then I would be trying to hold a hand first. I know that sounds old-fashioned, but I guess that's what it needs to be to build trust. But, since I've ever met anyone on the internet... I guess I would just have to evaluate things as they went on. All my "Dates" in the past were with someone that I had at least met, and had a few conversations with before asking them out. Yep... I would say he was just looking to start something physical. 2
major_merrick Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 Hand on the knee + come home with me = I want sex. There's no other way to interpret this. Now, some people are just always down for first date sex. You said no, he was ok with it. So....I wouldn't say a creeper, but maybe not LTR material. I wonder how many times he's done it before and it has worked? Then again, some people change. I did A TON of first date sex with girls. I was usually pretty aggressive. Sometimes it wasn't even a date, just go out for tea and then have sex in my car. These days, I wouldn't act like that. I hope. If I were in your shoes, I'd address it directly. Ask a point-blank "what were you expecting" kind of question. And then go from there. If he's honest, OK. If not, stick the dagger in and twist. 1
Happy Lemming Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 To mortensorchid... So what are you going to do if he asks you out again?? Are you going to go out with him or decline??
alphamale Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 Interesting turnaround - we're all usually telling mortensorchid to be more positive but this time we're kind of letting the air out of her tires indeed, mortensorchid is a complex individual
Sunlight72 Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 (edited) Wow. Tough crowd. How many times have I read on this forum about a great guy, good conversation, but not flirty enough. No touching. Didn't even try to kiss me! Followed by, probably gay, don't waste your time he's just not that into you, or you don't want a man who won't take the initiative. Now this bastard - good conversation, not groping her but put his hand on her knee (Lordy Lord!) and asked her if she would like to come to his place. Poor girl - what if he tried to (gasp) kiss her too? On a date!?! Mortensorchid, from what you wrote it sounds to me like he is interested in you, and he is respectful of your 'no thanks' reply to going to his house. Enjoy your time with him, and do what you feel you want to do with him. If you don't feel you want to do something with him, don't. If you keep enjoying being with him, keep seeing him. Just for the record, I took a first date home Saturday night, and we kissed. And talked. And both kept our clothes on. And kissed some more. And she left when it was getting late, and both later texted we had a nice time. It is possible that the guy just feels things are going well and asks if she would like to come over. We weren't at Mortensorchid's date, and I think people are really extrapolating a lot from just the few words she wrote. She was there. Said it all feels good. Then she asked us internet strangers to help her over think things after the fact. Maybe I shouldn't be surprised at the result. Edited April 1, 2019 by Sunlight72 5
Curiousroxy86 Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 Lol I am not big on crucifying a guy who wants to have sex. I will judge him if he doesn't respect my boundaries though. You set a boundary by saying no and he didn't pressure you. I'm glad you had a good time. Keep dating other guys. If he ask you out again and you like him say yes but stick to your boundaries. Ultimately Choose a guy that meets your standards. Good luck 1
Normm Posted April 1, 2019 Posted April 1, 2019 There's nothing inherently wrong with a guy who is clearly looking for sex on the first date. But if you're looking for more than a casual hookup, as the Op appears to be doing, then this guy is not what she's looking for. 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted April 2, 2019 Posted April 2, 2019 There's nothing inherently wrong with a guy who is clearly looking for sex on the first date. But if you're looking for more than a casual hookup, as the Op appears to be doing, then this guy is not what she's looking for. But that assumes that guys who want to have sex and tries his luck on the first date only want a casual hookup. I am not sure if that's a fair assumption... I would think on a date if a woman is not looking for a hook up that she simply not participate in the hook up. Cut the guy off if he is not respecting your boundary. Not because your looking sexy to him and he want you. It just feels a little premature to automatically cut off a guy because a guy wants to have sex sooner than I would like. Yes he may just want to hook up but some guys do want a relationship but is not above sex on the first date. Some guys do want to have sex but still like the woman enough to want to see her again even if she did say no. Dont get me wrong....I don't think OP should wait for this guy to call. She should definitely keep dating others. But I also don't think she should automatically ignore this guy if he does call to see her again. 1
Author mortensorchid Posted April 2, 2019 Author Posted April 2, 2019 Please let me explain some things. But like an OP said, I am a complicated person to begin with... You would have to be deaf, dumb and blind not to know what this guy was after (sex). Why did I not brush off the hand on my knee? Because quite honestly it felt nice to know that someone felt that way about me when I have been feeling anything but for so long. However, I wasn't going to go further than that (back to his house) for the sake of safety. This is not The One by any means. I also in order to keep myself as mysterious as possible devoid my face of emotion and stay stone faced most of the time. It's a technique I learned a long time ago - my Dad is like this and I take after him completely. Break it? I try to smile more and show I am sunny when appropriate. I hope that answers some questions. But I will throw him back. He will not put in effort for it.
frus69 Posted April 2, 2019 Posted April 2, 2019 I dont mind guys leaning in for a kiss but touching me(in this case hands on my knee) is just really creepy@_@.. I have never met a guy who would just touch me like that
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