Pearl_x Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 Hi Guys and Girls, I have been on two dates with this guy, I felt we were getting on fine. On Wednesday we were texting and I made a joke about what I was going to put into my ‘future dating profile’ relating to something we had been talking about. He laughed but I immediately felt I had maybe giving him the impression that I wasn’t interested in him and didn’t see any future between us. I don’t really see why I shouldn’t be thinking about my future options since we only been on two dates anyway but I haven’t heard from him since that day and we had previously been texting everyday. I’m reluctant to message him as I had instigated the last texts. Do you think he’s been put off by my comment?
d0nnivain Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 He may have been off put. I would have been. Because of that I think it is incumbent upon you to reach out. It's Saturday. If you haven't been in contact since Wednesday, if you don't reach out, odds are you will never talk again. You broke it (or in this case dinged it), you fix it. 4
Sunnydaysandsome Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 Let him go if he isn't in contact, if he is that lame to be put off by that. A strong man would use this as encouragement to snap you up! 2
Author Pearl_x Posted March 30, 2019 Author Posted March 30, 2019 Let him go if he isn't in contact, if he is that lame to be put off by that. A strong man would use this as encouragement to snap you up! This is how I feel 2
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 in dating you will do well not to obsess over every little thing you may or may not have said when a guy disappears. do you think what you said was that lame or that troubling? if not...and a guy disappears...then dont obsess and focus on guys who dont disappear his reason for disappearing may have nothing to do with you
Shining One Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 While this wouldn't completely put me off a woman, it would move her lower on my list of potentials, especially if she didn't put any effort into "fixing" it. If I have no other prospects at the time, I'll keep trying with her. If I do have other prospects, I'll put her on the back burner while I see how things go with them. 1
Author Pearl_x Posted March 30, 2019 Author Posted March 30, 2019 in dating you will do well not to obsess over every little thing you may or may not have said when a guy disappears. do you think what you said was that lame or that troubling? if not...and a guy disappears...then dont obsess and focus on guys who dont disappear his reason for disappearing may have nothing to do with you I didn’t think so at the time and I also used a wink face at the end and paid him a compliment after that so I thought he wouldn’t be in any doubt that I was attracted to him. You’re right it may have nothing to do with me and I shouldn’t obsess over it.
FMW Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 You only had two dates. He probably wasn't anywhere near ready to "snap you up" and your comment may have put you behind others he is also dating, so he's giving his attention to them now. It wasn't a bad thing to say necessarily, but it might have helped him in making a decision about who to focus on if he's dating others.
Sunnydaysandsome Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 I think it can be easy to start obsessing over every little thing you said and did when you like someone. I hate that, now I think they can take or leave me 'warts and all'. I don't think a small thing like that would put off the man who is meant to be with me. 1
kendahke Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 I don't see where you said anything to put him off--you were being sarcastic, not vindictive. I'd keep it light and breezy if you do text... and do that little thing with your profile--until he directly says he wants exclusivity and profiles down, keep updating yours.
Simple Logic Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 Yes, you ran this one off by basically communicating you didn’t see a future with him. 2
ExpatInItaly Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 I don’t really see why I shouldn’t be thinking about my future options since we only been on two dates anyway but I haven’t heard from him since that day and we had previously been texting everyday. I’m reluctant to message him as I had instigated the last texts. Sure, but that doesn't mean you verbalize it to a guy you're already interested in. 2
smackie9 Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 Like a lot of people who use OLD, they know they are an option. I'm sure he's got this down pat that at the first sign of talk like that, he's movin on. People are tired of chasing people. When you have other options, they don't waste their time. I bet he's been burned/ghosted on enough times to know...bitten once twice shy.
Sunnydaysandsome Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 It really doesn't take much to put some people off, it seems on OLD in particular. Maybe because they know more prospects are waiting in the inbox. I think it is a shame however, no one gives anyone a chance it seems. Smallest step wrong and you are not contacted again. Doesn't do much for ones self esteem and makes dating anxiety ridden. 1
Gretchen12 Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 If he was put off, be thankful he's not calling you. If he didn't "get" you, then you're not a match. This is a way to weed out men who are not on the same wavelength as you. Can you imagine having to watch everything you say with him? There are two reasons why a guy disappears: 1. he found someone else 2. he's insecure. Does it matter which reason it was? You don't want either. 1
Author Pearl_x Posted March 30, 2019 Author Posted March 30, 2019 It really doesn't take much to put some people off, it seems on OLD in particular. Maybe because they know more prospects are waiting in the inbox. I think it is a shame however, no one gives anyone a chance it seems. Smallest step wrong and you are not contacted again. Doesn't do much for ones self esteem and makes dating anxiety ridden. This is exactly it.
Author Pearl_x Posted March 30, 2019 Author Posted March 30, 2019 If he was put off, be thankful he's not calling you. If he didn't "get" you, then you're not a match. This is a way to weed out men who are not on the same wavelength as you. Can you imagine having to watch everything you say with him? There are two reasons why a guy disappears: 1. he found someone else 2. he's insecure. Does it matter which reason it was? You don't want either. ......And this!!!!
Normm Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 You received a lot of very different responses, so as you can see you never know how your comment may have been interpreted by this guy. He could have been mildly put off, totally put off or he didn't care and he isn't interested in seeing you for a completely different reason. I'll throw my hat in the ring and say that if a girl said that to me it would be a yellow flag that she was not all that interested in me and was letting me know with a not so subtle hint, however if I was into her, despite a feeling of discouragement at the comment, I wouldn't give up so easily.
stillafool Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 Let him go if he isn't in contact, if he is that lame to be put off by that. A strong man would use this as encouragement to snap you up! Me too. A strong man would use it as a challenge. If he stopped seeing you over something that small you would be walking on eggshells trying to keep him.
Author Pearl_x Posted March 30, 2019 Author Posted March 30, 2019 I decided that I would message him. He replied but I feel it inside my bones that something is off. And I don’t think it’s anything to do with what I said. A shame because I did feel pretty into him, but -- Next.
emeraldgreen Posted March 30, 2019 Posted March 30, 2019 Me too. A strong man would use it as a challenge. If he stopped seeing you over something that small you would be walking on eggshells trying to keep him. A strong man also has options and doesn't necessarily have time to worry about the joke as much as the person making it does. You're all guessing he's butthurt but he might have more keen prospects to pursue as well. 1
Author Pearl_x Posted March 30, 2019 Author Posted March 30, 2019 Show that you’re interested = Chase them away Show indifference = They move onto someone else 1
Curiousroxy86 Posted March 31, 2019 Posted March 31, 2019 Show that you’re interested = Chase them away Show indifference = They move onto someone else When they show interest then you respond by showing interest. Show indifference to guys who show indifference, flakiness, or disrespect
Shining One Posted March 31, 2019 Posted March 31, 2019 At the very least, don't show disinterest to someone showing interest.
TheFinalWord Posted March 31, 2019 Posted March 31, 2019 If he is, I think you dodged a bullet. I'm a guy and I would have laughed and thought it was a joke. If he's that insecure, then you're better off.
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