Author Juliet Posted September 22, 2005 Author Posted September 22, 2005 I was taken care of like a child... He did everything. I did groceries for the first time in my life after I moved out at 32yrs old. I never paid bills, did a budget..or even really cooked much. I did not even have a car until I was 31. It was like throwing a teenager out on the street.
Mz. Pixie Posted September 22, 2005 Posted September 22, 2005 I actually was saying it was wierd that she was getting that much spousal support for an indefinite period of time.... the most I've heard of is 6 months etc. The guy doesn't make that much money- in fact less than my exh who pays way less than that! A child eventually has to get out on their own and learn how to take care of themselves. I suggest that you do that.
Craig Posted September 22, 2005 Posted September 22, 2005 I was taken care of like a child... He did everything. I did groceries for the first time in my life after I moved out at 32yrs old. I never paid bills, did a budget..or even really cooked much. I did not even have a car until I was 31. It was like throwing a teenager out on the street. What kind of education do you have? If you don't have any marketable skills you could go back to school and get some. You are a prisoner of your ex's ability to earn. If he becomes unable to earn through death, disability or whatever your spousal support will dissapear. You have to learn to earn.
RecordProducer Posted September 22, 2005 Posted September 22, 2005 Juliet, even if you would work as a dish washer (the lowest paying job), you would earn around $15,000. You don't have to make any decisions now. Perhaps you could use the available time to continue with your education or get some training in order to be able to find a job that pays more than $1,300. That amount is not that big anyway. You could receive a lot of pleasure from having a career plus possibly make at least as double as that amount. You are still very young, you can do it. E.g. some plants in the US provide a two-year training in composing electronics parts, practically guarantee you a job that pays over $40,000 a year. This was just an example of how you can start from a scratch and make good money. You have been dependent your whole life and you think you can't make it on your own. But you can. Receiving crumbs as mercy is not the only way to survive. Will the support stop if you just date a man?
Author Juliet Posted September 22, 2005 Author Posted September 22, 2005 he cants stay over at my house for more than 7 nights
Art_Critic Posted September 22, 2005 Posted September 22, 2005 he cants stay over at my house for more than 7 nights Boy.. For such a small amout of money you are allowing yourself to be handcuffed and are no longer in control of your own life.. 1300 per month isn't worth losing your dignity.. Go out and find a decent job and guy and move on in your life and stop living your past life. You can make more than that flipping burgers at micky d's It seems to me that by allowing the kind of control you have given your ex over your life that has to be demeening and degrade your self esteem.. Unless of course you ar an invalid or handicapped and can't get a job
Author Juliet Posted September 22, 2005 Author Posted September 22, 2005 It is money i could bank and save for a home or anything... it could be 1300 extra...cash
Art_Critic Posted September 22, 2005 Posted September 22, 2005 It is money i could bank and save for a home or anything... it could be 1300 extra...cash your selling your soul and happiness as well as your self respect and dignity including your self esteem for such a piddly amount of money.. Why would you not what that person to control you any longer ?
Mz. Pixie Posted September 22, 2005 Posted September 22, 2005 Because there is ALOT she's not saying. If I had to guess the marriage was over because he wanted out or because he cheated. She wants him to continue to have to pay through the nose for the rest of her life. You know "That will teach him for leaving me, let him support me for the rest of my life".
Author Juliet Posted September 22, 2005 Author Posted September 22, 2005 He lied, hid things and stole from me but never cheated. I cheated for revenge a few times. I did that after he pawn my wedding rings to pay for bills (he said) He could not manage money at all! When he said he had changed I started my own business and split every cent I made with him. I never wanted to work before because when i did he ran up all the credit cards thinking we had lots of money now. After i started my business. He still did not budget and forged my name on checks and cleaned out my business account which i would split with him anyway. He stole money i was saving so we could go on a trip together. He would NO WAY let me budget either..I was at his mercy for all those years. He made it so we could not have credit..never by a home..Never get ahead. He promised he would change so many times. He never did. All i wanted to do was to be able to save a little $ and have something to show for. The last year we were together i never helped with the bills.. i spent my money on me. I said when i helped out before you stole so why should i help now? I became shelfish and mean. I was tired of my best friend stealing and lying to me. We tried to work on this problem about 3-4 times.. The thefts grew bigger and bigger. He was getting worse not better. I gave up! Now he has to budget does not he? lol
tanbark813 Posted September 22, 2005 Posted September 22, 2005 Wait.. So you never paid bills, never planned a budget, rarely cooked, never even went to the grocery store, and never drove a car until you guys split up but somehow during that time you managed to start and run a business? I vote this as most confusing thread ever.
Author Juliet Posted September 22, 2005 Author Posted September 22, 2005 He did help me start the business..and supported me for whatever help I needed. I did it from the home mostly while he was at work. I grew trust in him and allowed him to deposit the checks..Thats the account he cleaned out. Yes, i never had a car..never did groceries..and never paid bills and started my own business. LOL
Mz. Pixie Posted September 22, 2005 Posted September 22, 2005 Yeah, confusing. At any rate, you're punishing him for his prior actions..... Really, you're punishing yourself though because you can't move on and have a relationship with a man that lasts over seven days. The other guy is a loser, that's not the point here. Why not start your business back again and make your own living?
RecordProducer Posted September 22, 2005 Posted September 22, 2005 So you basically live on the $1300 you get from him? If yes, is that enough for you to pay all the bills? Are you going to look for a job soon? I really believe you would be better off if you take your life in your hands. You will feel good about yourself and you can definitely make much more money if you plan your career thoroughly. There is no thing you can't learn or manage if you want to. Maybe you won't make $100,000 a year, but I think you canm do better than $15,000.
Topper Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 You need to work on this story . This whole story is really starting to smell like a troll. you said you were with him since your were 16 years old? How old was he? Whats the age of consent in Canada? did you have to get your parents permission to get marry? What happened to the Business? Were you and your Ex co owners? Did you jointly file taxes? If so The business would be seen as a marital asset and dealt with by the Courts as such. If you didn't do anything in the time you were married such as shop for groceries and cook, What did you do with your time? How could he be stealing from you if you had nothing and did nothing? If he was so poor at managing money how is he able to manage getting you your $1300 a month? Now if this is true why should he pay you to sleep with other men? Another thing is, how does that 7 nights thing work? Is it 7 consecutive nights? or just any 7 nights in a given time period? If you sleep with 7 different men in one night would that terminate your agreement?
Author Juliet Posted September 23, 2005 Author Posted September 23, 2005 You need to work on this story . This whole story is really starting to smell like a troll. you said you were with him since your were 16 years old? How old was he? Whats the age of consent in Canada? did you have to get your parents permission to get marry? I moved in with him when I was a teenager. I think I was about 16. I had a baby at 17 and was married shortly after. What happened to the Business? Were you and your Ex co owners? Did you jointly file taxes? If so The business would be seen as a marital asset and dealt with by the Courts as such. The business made 1/4-1/2 of his earnings. It was not a big money maker. We were actually temporarily separated when I registered my business. He was around all the time so it felt like we were together still. It was a short separation because I ended it when he stole the rings. If you didn't do anything in the time you were married such as shop for groceries and cook, What did you do with your time? The first time he stole i was working. He ran up MAJOR credit in my name. I quit my job shortly after. The 2nd time i was working as a telemarketer for min wage. I was saving money for us to go to Mexico since we never had a honey moon. He stole that money. There was about $1000 saved in an envelope in the bedroom. Shortly later I also noticed my rings were missing. He never had the money to buy me wedding rings so my sister gave me a wedding band and engagement ring to wear on my wedding day. He pawn them before behind my back and I freaked about it and told him to never do that again. He did it again along with the rings I got from my mom too. He brought all of my family rings to the pawn shop and lost them for good. I said to him.."How would you like to come home to no car one day and find out i sold it behind your back?" He seemed to understand the point i was making. He promised to stick to a budget and change... I quit my telemarketing job and decided to run my own business. I split everything with him... Then one day when I was cleaning the car I found numerous checks with my name signed on them.. I brought them into the house and asked WTF is this..this is not my signature. He said of course it is. I said I was calling the bank in the morning and he left for the night. We used to split all of the money in this account at the end of each month. He talked me into saving the money and not cashing it out. I was happy we were saving together and thought things looked up for us. It was close to a year later so we should have had thousands saved. It was emptied...just pocket change was left! The bank would not tell me on the phone. I had to go down in person. They showed me the checks and i was crying. I knew he had a theft problem so he did not have signing priviliges on the account and the business was in my name. He had to forge my name to do it. It all made sense why he did not want we to withdrawal the money to split now..he stole it all. Why would a guy who makes 60thousand a yr steal. Well, he did not drink or gamble but it baffled my whole family! I am on spousal support now. It is terminated when I move in with another man. (cohabitation of more than 7 nights in a row) How could he be stealing from you if you had nothing and did nothing? If he was so poor at managing money how is he able to manage getting you your $1300 a month? Now if this is true why should he pay you to sleep with other men? Another thing is, how does that 7 nights thing work? Is it 7 consecutive nights? or just any 7 nights in a given time period? If you sleep with 7 different men in one night would that terminate your agreement?
Author Juliet Posted September 23, 2005 Author Posted September 23, 2005 I was 16 and he was 22 when we met. He is now 40 and i am 34.
Art_Critic Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 Okay .. Great story.. Sounds like he was a bum and you needed to divorce him.. Which you did.. That still doesn't explain why you don't want to move on and live a respectable life without him and his control.. If you think that you are paying him back and seeking vengance then it is at the expense of your self respect.. Get a boyfriend and stop the BS with your ex.. Move on it is only a piddly amount of money and by using it your are putting a price on your life and self esteem.. Get it yet ? or are you even listening ?
Horse Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 Go for it. You should be independent and stop living off a man anyway. Wow! I'm wih Woggle on this one. This guys is taking care of your child and you are taking more than a third of his after-tax-income? What does this leave him? About 20,000 canadian dollars ($17000 USD) to pay his bills and support your child. You should be out working and paying him child support. ...and women wonder why some guys are hesitant to get married.
Author Juliet Posted September 23, 2005 Author Posted September 23, 2005 i am working very hard on my business... self employment is not reliable income. Until i can afford to live without assistance i can't move forward with another man..never said i was not trying.. sheesh.. tough crowd. He also forged my name for a receipt on his income tax to make it look like he gave me support for a yr before i actually got it. I am still sorting that out. My son lived with me all of last year and he only paid 1/2 the child support he was supposed too. He was also supposed to pay for 1/2 my drugs and dental..he did not. I am not money hungry and trying to stick it to him either. I have let him away with a lot as far as the separation agreement. Maybe part of me likes the fact that he is paying now for making all those false promises. Getting my hopes up and tricking me. I will go off the support when i am self sufficient but at 34 i do not have any pension plan, own my own home or have stability. I will gain stability first before I lose the support and move on with another man. I told my boyfriend i had to be self sufficient before i move in with him because i do not want to rely on anyone else...ever. My ex husband did not like the idea of me going back to school. He wants me to expand my business. He feels it has more potential. He said that if i took a course..lets say 2yrs... "Would a company want to hire a 36yr old or a young fresh student ready and eager." I do not have my grade 12 so there goes another year. Now i would be 37. I am working on expanding my business. He will help a bit with it too if it gets me off the support. I have hired him to work for me on several ocasions and he just takes it off the support.
Merin Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 Juliet... why does it make any freakin difference what your now EXH says? Why do you listen to his bullsh*t? WTF do you mean you've hired him before and he took it off your support? IF he's making a nice living for himself why would he work for you? See this doesn't even make sense. Go back to school, get an education... your EXH DOESN'T get a say in this. Why would you also continue to allow HIM to decide what is best for you even in education?!
Horse Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 i am working very hard on my business... self employment is not reliable income. Until i can afford to live without assistance i can't move forward with another man..never said i was not trying.. sheesh.. tough crowd. You never said you were trying either. But you did say even if i find a great job i can still keep the 1300per month ------------------------------------------------------------------------ It is money i could bank and save for a home or anything... it could be 1300 extra...cash I am not money hungry and trying to stick it to him either... ...Maybe part of me likes the fact that he is paying now for making all those false promises. Getting my hopes up and tricking me. You're not trying to stick it to him. You are just making him pay. Meanwhile your child is being raised in poverty. I am working on expanding my business. He will help a bit with it too if it gets me off the support. I have hired him to work for me on several ocasions and he just takes it off the support. You have been working on this business for 3+ years and it's not self sufficient yet? Maybe it's time to come up with a new plan.
Topper Posted September 23, 2005 Posted September 23, 2005 OK I'm going to work on my "trust issues" I will reply without being to sarcastic. There are tons of people out there who have gone back to school in their 30's, 40's even 50's and beyond. You get the education to help yourself. You get it to make you a better person. You get it because it will help you. You may even learn a thing or two about running your own business.. like doing the books, making a spread sheet, cost analysis and keeping jerks away from the cookie jar. In other words protecting your assets. Why would you even listen to your Ex about your education or just about anything else? From what you have said this guy is a real class act. Why would you hire someone like that to work for you? With a little work and some planning you may be able to find away to Play house with the currant Boyfriend while still sticking it to your Ex for the $1300 support. If all you said is true about him i might do the same thing. You never did say what is the nature of your business? Is it wholesale retail a service bussiness? Oh and if he did forge your name on tax forms Here in the USA that could lead to some real jail time for your ex.
Recommended Posts