Juliet Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 I am on spousal support. I receive 1300 per month plus coverages to stay single! I receive this money for life unless I risk it all and live with another man. I worry that I risk it all and a week later we break up. It sux.. I met a wonderful man and he says if I risk it all and it does not work..I am not getting a penny from him! He also has cheated on every gf he has ever had which makes him even more of a risk! I do trust he has been faithful to me though. Knowing this though makes me wonder if I should even go there. He has nothing to lose does he? Must be nice!
Merin Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 I am on spousal support. I receive 1300 per month plus coverages to stay single! I receive this money for life unless I risk it all and live with another man. I worry that I risk it all and a week later we break up. It sux.. I met a wonderful man and he says if I risk it all and it does not work..I am not getting a penny from him! He also has cheated on every gf he has ever had which makes him even more of a risk! I do trust he has been faithful to me though. Knowing this though makes me wonder if I should even go there. He has nothing to lose does he? Must be nice! What? Damn! You recieve 1300 a month in spousal support as a single person? No Little people involved from the previous marriage? Wow... that seems extreme to me... Anyway... did you sign something saying you can't live with someone else? How much sense does that make? What if it was a Male FRIEND only as a roommate? or a Male relative.... something sounds wierd here... Is it that you lose the support for having a relationship or do you lose the support if you re-marry?
Author Juliet Posted September 21, 2005 Author Posted September 21, 2005 I lose the support if I co-habitate with a bf for 7nights or more. He can not even leave a tooth brush here. I have a son but he lives with my ex. He is 16yrs old now. I am 34yrs old.
Woggle Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 Go for it. You should be independent and stop living off a man anyway.
Merin Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 I lose the support if I co-habitate with a bf for 7nights or more. He can not even leave a tooth brush here. I have a son but he lives with my ex. He is 16yrs old now. I am 34yrs old. This still seems very odd to me... How in the hell would your EXH know a guy was living with you, sleeping with you, or brushing his teeth at your house? Your Son doesn't live with you... so the 1300 is soley for your support... how was this agreement made when you and your EX got divorced?
Author Juliet Posted September 21, 2005 Author Posted September 21, 2005 He could stalk my house or pay a detective or anything to count nights if he wished. You see I lived with him from the time I was 16yrs old. We were married a very long time since now I am 34. So yeah 16yrs...it goes by how much money he makes and how long you were together. He makes around 60 thousand a year.
Outcast Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 Forget him. He's been a cheater and is unwilling to consider any fair fiscal arrangement. Obviously your support money is meant to cover your living expenses which would be less if you moved in with someone. So have him come to your place often. I wouldn't move in with this one unless he married you.
Author Juliet Posted September 21, 2005 Author Posted September 21, 2005 Thank you outcast. I feel you are 100% right now I think about it.
Merin Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 He could stalk my house or pay a detective or anything to count nights if he wished. You see I lived with him from the time I was 16yrs old. We were married a very long time since now I am 34. So yeah 16yrs...it goes by how much money he makes and how long you were together. He makes around 60 thousand a year. Again.. I cannot imagine why you would've signed a document saying you would never have another relationship... that still makes zero sense to me. I've known of people who recieved spousal support BUT it was for a limited amount of time, not a life time and during the time set it was IF they remarried that the support stopped, not if they had slumber parties or a tooth brush was in the house.... AND I do understand that support is determined by the length of time of the marriage and the financial status of both parties... however spousal support is NOT automatic nor a given... Your EX making 60 grand a year... AND he has your Son in his custody... see my EXH makes over 60 a year and we have 2 little people together that are in my custody (he has visitation) for 2 little Kids he still doesn't pay the amount your recieving and there IS a cut off for support as well... when both our kids are 18. So yeah.. this just boggles my mind.
Merin Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 Looks like she had a good lawyer. *Shrugs* Guess so... BUT makes me wonder WTF her Lawyer was thinking when he/she said Oh yeah, sign this... it says you no longer have the right to a personal life... The money just wouldn't be worth it to me to still have my EX holding all the cards for how my life is going to turn out or whom I will choose to make my life with... Thats just me though...
Author Juliet Posted September 21, 2005 Author Posted September 21, 2005 Well, spousal support is different from child support. Child support ends when the children are 18 yrs old. I also live in Canada and spousal support is based on amount earned and years spent together. I rec'd $565per month for child support when my son lived with me last year. He now is living with his father so i do not get the $565 any more..just the 1300. I do have to pay tax on the spousal support but not the child support. The agreement was a typical one. I receive this support until I live with another man. I asked the lawyer what that meant..how long.. He said 7nights..I can't argue with that because it seems to be a steadfast support agreement and it has always been done this way in Canada. Did you see a lawyer when you and your ex broke up?
Merin Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 Well, spousal support is different from child support. Child support ends when the children are 18 yrs old. I also live in Canada and spousal support is based on amount earned and years spent together. I rec'd $565per month for child support when my son lived with me last year. He now is living with his father so i do not get the $565 any more..just the 1300. I do have to pay tax on the spousal support but not the child support. The agreement was a typical one. I receive this support until I live with another man. I asked the lawyer what that meant..how long.. He said 7nights..I can't argue with that because it seems to be a steadfast support agreement and it has always been done this way in Canada. Did you see a lawyer when you and your ex broke up? I understand Child Support is different from Spousal Support... and I also understand spousal support is determined by years spent together, and amount each party earns... However... if the support is to cover your expenses then lets say you get a roommate (a female roommate) and she is covering half of the expenses you had previously covered on your own... then do YOU feel you should not recieve as much support from your EXH? I have never heard of someone not being allowed a personal life regarding who they will choose to sleep with, or date or even live with following a divorce EVEN when spousal support was given... again I've heard of and known people who had to choose between being remarried and loosing the spousal support but not loosing it over who they choose to sleep with or allow into thier home. And again, for me the money wouldn't be worth not having my right to privacy or the right to a personal life. My EXH has zero say in what I do, where I go, Who I see, sleep with, or who I live with.. and for me that is priceless. I did have an attorney when I got divorced. I didn't ask for or want spousal support.
Woggle Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 My ex tried to get spousal support out of me but I told her that since no kids were involved I was not afraid of turning our divorce into a vicious war and she backed down.
tanbark813 Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 Or you could just work and provide for yourself and this wouldn't even be an issue.
Author Juliet Posted September 21, 2005 Author Posted September 21, 2005 I can live with whom ever I want..just not a bf or lover. I can make up to 1 million dollars before I lose my support. I can share an apt with friends or family to save even more money too. The goal of spousal support is geared to keep you in a lifestyle you were used too. Why should your lifestyle dramatically suffer because you broke up? He was the sole provider. People would stay in unhappy marriages if it was not for spousal support. Guys can get spousal support too if you were the bread winner..lol
Merin Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 I can live with whom ever I want..just not a bf or lover. I can make up to 1 million dollars before I lose my support. I can share an apt with friends or family to save even more money too. The goal of spousal support is geared to keep you in a lifestyle you were used too. Why should your lifestyle dramatically suffer because you broke up? He was the sole provider. People would stay in unhappy marriages if it was not for spousal support. Guys can get spousal support too if you were the bread winner..lol AND again.. how would your EXH know IF the Male roommate was really a lover? This is what I'm saying... is money worth not having the right to a personal life or privacy? AND I must say that I did NOT stay in an unhappy marriage and did NOT ask for spousal support.. so not true that people would stay in crappy relationships IF they couldn't get money out of it. My EXH at the time we got divorced was the bread winner, we had a beautiful brand new house, went on vacations, had new cars... and I STILL divorced his lame ass. Now I live in a townhome, STILL have a new car, STILL go on vacation and STILL am able to have a relationship with who I wish to, sleep with who I wish to, and can live with who I wish to... That IMO is the great thing about divorce when you cannot any longer be with someone... it is no longer any of thier business what goes on in your personal life, they hold nothing over you....
Author Juliet Posted September 21, 2005 Author Posted September 21, 2005 You sound like you have a good job..I do not have much income.. i am broke right now.
Merin Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 You sound like you have a good job..I do not have much income.. i am broke right now. Funny you should say that... LOL I'm actually looking for a job right now! However.. when I divorced my Husband, I went to school part time and worked full time and took care of my Little People... I got my degree so I could make a decent living to take care of myself and my Kids... I have saved money and put it back for a saftey net for me and my kids... but still FOR ME, there is not a price that can be placed on my own independence and right to live my life without first asking my EXH if it's okay... screw him!
Trimmer Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 Merin - I share your attitudes about independence, but having said that, it is not unusual for settlements including spousal support to include both remarriage and cohabitation as conditions for terminating support. In some cases, a court will look at whether the cohabitant significantly contributes financial support (helps pay rent, bills, etc.) to determine whether to modify spousal support. Now I agree with you that I would probably prefer my independence to this kind of judicial oversight of my personal life, but the separate point is that it is not unusual for these kinds of conditions to be included in support arrangements. And it's not that this kind of agreement decrees that you can't have a personal life. I would argue that the agreement has some similarity to what you are saying: it says the paying ex-spouse will provide spousal support for a specified amount of time, and if you want to go have a personal life and connect with someone who shares the load financially, then the paying ex-spouse is not expected to continue providing support after that. It sounds like you are saying that you wanted to have whatever personal life you chose, and you didn't expect your ex-spouse to provide support either. From the spousal support perspective, your time to "get on your feet" was immediate - you jumped right over the support period into the "get out of my life" period. Shows a certain strength, I think...
Mz. Pixie Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 Wow, Canada has some wierd laws- What's wrong with getting a job honey?? This guy sounds like a total jerk and I wouldn't waste my time on him but if the right guy came along I wouldn't choose being with my love over the money. That's ridiculous, unless you're just wanting to make the man pay for whatever it is he did to you?
Outcast Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 It's not a 'wierd law'. It's to prevent a woman from soaking a man post-divorce once she's got another guy in her life and home and bank account. For those of you in relationships with divorced men - would you prefer that their wives continue to receive support ad infinitum even when they are in new relationships and financial arrangements? C'mon!
dgiirl Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 That's a very weird thing. I'm in canada too, going through a divorce, and well i'm not entitled to alimony because i have a decent job. That's quiet a lot of money too. Nearly half his paycheck is going directly to you. Dont you have a job? You have no kids to support, so why dont you go get a job? Or atleast take time off, take the money he's giving you and go to school to GET a good job. Are you going to depend on him for the rest of your life? I know it's scary to start living on your own and being independant, one of the things I'm struggling with myself right now. But girl, there's so much satisfaction when I can look around my place and know I earned it all on my own. It also gives you the confidence to know that you will never stay in a crappy relationship out of fear. Because worse case scenario, you can live on your own again.
Trimmer Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 Mz Pixie - what specifically did you think was wierd? It doesn't seem strange to me that the spousal support would have a termination clause for remarriage or even financially supportive cohabitation, but what I found a little wierd was that it would otherwise continue for life. I would assume a person would intend to get back on one's feet and move on to become a separate individual in some reasonable time appropriate to their circumstance. Could be that I've just grown up in a "no-fault" culture - maybe he did something horrible and this is compensation...
Outcast Posted September 21, 2005 Posted September 21, 2005 We don't know her circumstances. I suspect there's a bit more to this story - possibly a disability?
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